Polyamory and the
Unitarian Universalist Association Principles and Purposes
This document was prepared by UUs for Polyamory Awareness, an independent
organization that is separate from the Unitarian Universalist Association.
Please see http://www.uua.org/news/2004/040423.html
for a statement from the UUA.
The Principles of the Unitarian Universalist Association
We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association,
covenant to affirm and promote
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The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
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Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
These two principles are a cornerstone of Polyamory Awareness. UUs for
Polyamory Awareness defines polyamory as the philosophy and practice of loving
or relating intimately to more than one other person at a time with honesty
and integrity. We advocate for any form of relationship or family
structure – whether monogamous or multi-partner – which is characterized
by free and responsible choice, mutual consent of all involved, and sincere
adherence to personal philosophical values. We believe that honesty,
integrity, and consent in personal relationships are essential to the affirmation
of the inherent worth and dignity of one’s partners. We believe that
the affirmation of a partner’s inherent worth and dignity necessitates
respect for that partner’s choices in his/her own relationships, including
freedom to feel and openly express love for others, including romantic
love. We further believe that justice, equity and compassion in human
relations are promoted by the presence of honesty, integrity, and consent
in personal relationships.
A word about choice:
“Unitarians and Universalists have always been heretics. We are heretics
because we want to choose our faith, not because we desire to be rebellious.
‘Heresy’ in Greek means ‘choice.’ ”
These words of Mark W. Harris appear on the UUA website, on the UU origins
page. Choice of faith is at the core of UUism; our faith has meaning
to us because we come to it through free choice. Choice in relationships
is no less important.
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Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our
congregations;
Spiritual growth requires integration of one’s relationships and one’s
religion, and Polyamory Awareness within UUism promotes this integration
for polyamorous UUs. The closet can be a difficult place to live,
and leaving a part of oneself behind when crossing the threshold of one’s
church can interfere significantly with one’s spiritual search. Polyamorists
need to bring our entire beings, including our relationships, into our
religious homes, in order to pursue spiritual growth.
The statement, “You’re welcome as individuals, just don’t talk about
it,” is meant to convey acceptance of the person. However, it feels
to many polyamorous people like we’re being ushered back into the closet
again. It feels as if the person saying it is embarrassed by us,
ashamed of us – and we doubt our full acceptance in such circumstances.
Polyamory Awareness promotes acceptance of one another by bringing familiarity
with polyamory to UU congregations, because acceptance of one another begins
with familiarity.
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A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
Polyamory Awareness is built on the tradition of the free and responsible
search for truth and meaning. Healthy relationships, whether monogamous
or multi-partner, require thoughtful, informed consideration. Non-traditional
relationships have few role models and little societal support, and therefore
require even more careful consideration. Polyamory Awareness encourages
us to study and search the life choices we have made or are contemplating.
It encourages us to wrestle with difficult relationship questions, and
to examine carefully which relationship style best suits our own and our
partners’ needs.
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The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within
our congregations and in society at large;
Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness is committed to the democratic
process. We began by working through the democratic process, and
we will continue to do so. We have adopted bylaws, including membership
rules, leadership structure, and election procedures, and will work within
the bylaws of the UUA in seeking recognition. We affirm the right
of conscience for members to choose monogamy for themselves and to visibly
bring monogamous relationships into their churches; and we assert the right
of conscience for ourselves to choose polyamory and to visibly bring polyamorous
relationships into our churches.
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The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
Polyamory Awareness affirms this goal. We believe that world community,
peace, liberty, and justice are all supported and strengthened by increasing
education and familiarity with non-traditional life choices, and by opening
the closet doors.
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Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are
a part.
“Relationship is the primary microcosm of the interdependent web.
We should give it more energy” (Rev. Ken Collier, minister of the UU Church
of Palo Alto, CA, quoted in World, March/April 1999, p. 17). Personal
relationships, whether monogamous or multi-partner, must be integrated
into our spirituality, as part of the interdependent web. Polyamory
Awareness promotes this integration for polyamorous individuals, who have
few other resources available to them for linking their lifestyle with
their spirituality.top
The living tradition which we share draws from many sources:
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Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed
in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness
to the forces which create and uphold life;
Many people of all relationship styles experience transcending mystery
and wonder in their personal relationships. We are inspired to celebrate
the mystery of other people's spirits. Our UU principles encourage
us to use all of our faculties to explore and develop our own understanding
of spiritual truth, without declaring any areas of inquiry or experience
off-limits. Likewise, polyamorous UUs affirm that each person should
be free to celebrate any aspect of love for another created by that transcending
mystery and wonder, consistent with one’s preexisting commitment to, and
loving relationship with, a spouse or committed partner and with full attention
to the inherent worth and dignity of all involved, including respect for
one’s own personal boundaries.
Renewal of the spirit unfolds in personal struggle as well. Faced
with disapproval from family, friends, or community, individuals whose
relationships are non-traditional may at some point find ourselves agonizing,
“What is wrong with me?” When we finally struggle through to self-acceptance,
it is often a powerful experience of transcending mystery and wonder, an
experience which opens us to life forces and shapes a growing spiritual
path.
The Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing
is a consensus statement created by theologians and ethicists from a broad
range of religious traditions and currently endorsed by over two thousand
religious leaders across the United States, including denominational leaders,
seminary presidents, deans, and faculty members, and clergy from more than
twenty-five religious traditions. The text of The Declaration and
a list of endorsers is available at www.religionproject.org. Many
UU ministers have endorsed this document, including UUA past president
Rev. John Buehrens. The Religious Declaration states:
“Faith communities must therefore be truth seeking, courageous,
and just. We call for: Theological reflection that integrates the
wisdom of excluded, often silenced peoples . . . .”
Direct experience of transcending mystery and wonder is by its very
nature private and personal, and we must guard against the tendency to
second-guess the spiritual experiences of fellow UUs. Polyamory Awareness
seeks to affirm:
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that polyamorous UUs can and do experience transcending mystery, wonder,
and renewal of spirit;
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that we have long been a silenced people and are working to end this silence;
and
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that we wish to offer our experiences for theological reflection.top
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Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront
powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming
power of love;
Both monogamy and polyamory are consistent with justice, compassion, and
the transforming power of love. UUs have long known that education
is a powerful tool for confronting evil; it is also a powerful tool for
decision-making. Polyamory Awareness seeks to provide education about
a little-known relationship structure. For individuals involved in
or considering multi-partner relationships, this education may improve
their ability to make good decisions that meet the needs of themselves
and their partners. For monogamous individuals, Polyamory Awareness
may increase their understanding of polyamorous members of the UU community.
Justice and compassion require that individuals have access to the information
they need.
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Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and
spiritual life;
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Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love
by loving our neighbors as ourselves;
Many polyamorists struggle with Biblical references that appear, when taken
out of context, to forbid polyamory. We value Jewish and Christian
teachings, but we decline to adopt centuries-old specific rules stripped
of their historical and cultural context. Rather, we draw from the
overall message of these teachings and those of other world’s religions,
which emphasize honesty, integrity, and respect in relationships and forbid
the violation of the rights of others. Drawing from these sources,
we derive our ethics of relationships from our individual spiritual paths
and our free and responsible search for truth and meaning.
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Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and
the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit;
Few sociological studies of consensual multi-partner relationships have
been done. Non-clinical samples found few differences from monogamous
relationships. Polyamory Awareness, by increasing visibility,
will encourage more scientific studies to test these findings. Additionally,
science tells us that the closet is not healthy. Polyamory Awareness,
by opening the closet doors, will increase the health of polyamorous members
of the UU community.
Monogamy freely chosen is healthy. Compulsory monogamy for every
person is idolatry. Visibility of an ethical alternative lifts monogamy
out of idolatry into free choice.
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Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the
sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms
of nature.
Both monogamy and polyamory are consistent with this source, when we listen
to the harmonies of our individual spiritual paths.top
The Purposes of the Unitarian Universalist Association
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The Unitarian Universalist Association shall devote its resources to
and exercise its corporate powers for religious, educational and humanitarian
purposes.
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The primary purpose of the Association is to serve the needs of its
member congregations, organize new congregations, extend and strengthen
Unitarian Universalist institutions and implement its principles.
Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness has as its Mission to serve
the Unitarian Universalist Association and the community of polyamorous
people within and outside the UUA by providing support, promoting education,
and encouraging spiritual wholeness regarding polyamory. Membership
in the Polyamory Awareness organization is open to individuals who affirm
sympathy with the Principles and Purposes of the UUA and with the purposes
of the organization.
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The Association declares and affirms its special responsibility, and
that of its member societies and organizations, to promote the full participation
of persons in all of its and their activities and in the full range of
human endeavor without regard to race, color, sex, disability, affectional
or sexual orientation, age, or national origin and without requiring adherence
to any particular interpretation of religion or to any particular religious
belief or creed.
Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness affirms the full participation
of all persons. Polyamory Awareness promotes the full participation
of polyamorous UUs, many of whom have hesitated to participate fully, for
fear of consequences of coming out. Closeted people need contact
with others in similar situations in order to begin to move toward full
participation. This is the reason that a group is needed.
Membership in the Polyamory Awareness organization is open, without
regard to: race; color; sex; affectional or sexual orientation (including
polyamory or the lack thereof); physical disability; national origin; or
economic condition, to individual persons who affirm sympathy with the
Principles and Purposes of the UUA and with the purposes of UUPA.
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Nothing herein shall be deemed to infringe upon the individual freedom
of belief which is inherent in the Universalist and Unitarian heritages
or to conflict with any statement of purpose, covenant, or bond of union
used by any society unless such is used as a creedal test.
Polyamory Awareness is consistent with this purpose; members are free to
follow whatever spiritual path best serves their needs.
Prepared by Jasmine Walston, Vice-President of UUPA, February, 2002;
revised April 2003 & February 2005 .
This document was prepared by UUs for Polyamory Awareness, an independent
organization that is separate from the Unitarian Universalist Association.
Please see http://www.uua.org/news/2004/040423.html
for a statement from the UUA.
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This page last updated: July 27, 2006
