[UUPoly-L] Evolution/Evolved

[alan7388@comcast.net]

Anita,

> many of us have likely
> witnessed discussions in which the idea that we as polyamorists are
> more highly evolved than monogamists....  Certainly I believe that
> in order to be good at polyamorous relationships, personal evolution,
> (and yes, I use the term fairly loosely) via resolving insecurities
> and self-doubt is advantageous.  But as a point of activist public
> relations, we as a movement will benefit from all polys resisting the
> urge to appear smug....  
> 
> I'm probably preaching to the choir here considering the UU
> principles to which we all subscribe.

Aaaamen, sister! But the danger is not just appearing smug -- it's BEING smug. The Greeks had a word for it: hubris. As in "pride comes before a fall." The gods favor people who show humility, and they rig 1,000-Pound Shithammers for those who don't.

Much of the poly community is quick to jump with both feet on "more highly evolved" talk. If someone uses the phrase "more evolved" in the Live Journal poly communities, they get snarked to hell and gone. This is probably a healthy thing. Even though I really do think we're pioneering a potential major advance for the human race, we'd better not take ourselves too seriously about it. God preserve us from elitism and cultism. (Remember the Rajneesh cult in Oregon? They thought they were more highly evolved than the rest of us, and look what became of them.)

Also, the higher a pedestal you put yourself on, the worse you'll get hurt when you fall off it. If you think you're some paragon of excellence, you'll think you've failed the great Poly Ideal when you have an ordinary dust-up with an SO. (Or worse, you'll think THEY'VE failed the Great Poly Ideal.) This reminds me of the attitude that falling ill is a sign of spiritual impurity; we were supposed to have left that attitude behind in the Middle Ages, but some New Age folks seem to think that if they get cancer, it's a personal spiritual failure.

One thing I like about UUism (as it's preached in our church) is its emphasis on humility against the illusion that we can ever know it all -- i.e., that you can be a better-than-others know-it-all. And, as an outgrowth of this, its emphasis on respect for truths held by people with whom we disagree. Not just making nice to such people, but actually respecting them. (Even Stanley Kurtz.)

End of rant  :)

Alan7388

P.S.  Anita, I'm the Alan whom you planted that lipsticky kiss on in front of the crowd when I won the drawing at the Poly Living con. I wore it on my cheek all evening -- getting stared at in public and commented on by hotel staff in the elevators!