[UUPoly-L] Fidelity Bashing [was Re: Promiscuity Bashing]

[Thomas Anderson <taanderson@mac.com>]

You know, I hate to be difficult, but I find the vehement insistence 
that Poly does mean "promiscuous" to be more than a little annoying, 
even offensive.

You live your life your way. Great. Go for it. But the seeming 
blanket insistence that the label "Poly" means your exact lifestyle 
(or you'll refuse to use the term) is at the very least a bit odd.

Our household is very definitely Poly; the deed for our home has more 
than two names on it as a good example. And for us casual sex means 
"blue jeans permitted". That works for us quite well, thank you very 
much. Nobody in our household feels "oppressed" or limited by having 
a closed relationship.

If "Polyamory" as a movement is to mean anything really (IMnsHO) the 
focus needs to be on Responsible Non-monogamy Between Consenting 
Adults. That means that, yeah, it includes "swingers" (if they are 
being upfront and honest), it includes us "bad as monogamy" folks, it 
includes FLDS folks (when all partners are adults). Anything else is 
both exclusionary and an excuse to justify why your lifestyle choices 
are better than other peoples.

For "getting out the message" that means pushing the HONESTY aspect. 
After all, in America today some variation of non-monogamy is the 
norm. The pattern of "serial monogamy" is simply *not monogamous*. 
Many surveys show a majority of married individuals admitting to 
cheating on their partner. So, non-monogamy really is the norm. Our 
focus should be on emphasizing Responsibility and Honesty, and the 
value of those. And to push for legal and social recognition for 
those of us trying (one way or another) to live to *those* ideals. 
Good time to go back to the 7 Principles, we are supposed to be 
supporting each other in the responsible individual search for truth, 
not pushing our personal vision of Truth.

Ciao,
TAA