[UUPoly-L] Marginalization

[JasmineGld@aol.com]

_taanderson@mac.com_ (mailto:taanderson@mac.com)   writes:

> but as a very fidelitous Poly person I find myself way too 
> marginalized way too often.
 
This is the crux of the problem, when someone feels marginalized.   This is 
what we need to be talking about, about how we marginalize our own,  often 
without even realizing it.  
 
TAA, what makes you feel marginalized, besides the comment you  quoted?  What 
can UUPoly do to address this problem?  What does the  UUA need to do about 
it? 
 
Who else feels marginalized within this list?  Within their UU  congregation? 
 Or elsewhere?  Can we talk about this major  issue?  
 
 
 
_taanderson@mac.com_ (mailto:taanderson@mac.com)  writes:
>  Most glaring case?
>> At 08:41 -0800 06/02/22, John Ullman  wrote:
>> The only way NOT to participate in one night stands is to be  celibate.


I too object to John's comment.  But I don't feel marginalized by  it.  John 
and I disagree on what constitutes a one night stand.  Okay,  fine, we 
disagree.  TAA, why do you feel marginalized by it?  
 


It's so easy, when developing arguments to defend our own lives, to fail to  
notice how our arguments impact people's lives that are very  different.  It's 
also easy, when responding after feeling marginalized by  someone else, to go 
too far and marginalize the other person in the same  way.  In addition, it's 
tempting to project marginalization on someone  else's words that never were 
intended.  
 
I suggest that we all ask ourselves at least two questions when  talking 
about what poly is or isn't.  
 
*  First, in defending my own choices, am I marginalizing anyone  else?  
*  Second, when feeling marginalized by someone else's words or  actions, 
have I checked all the facts and statements carefully to make  sure they really 
meant what I found so upsetting?  Have I asked for  explanations?  Have I tried 
to really hear the other person?  
 
Jasmine