[UUPoly-L] UUA and Polyamory -- a rant.

[Ken Haslam <haslamk@dmv.com>]

Elizabeth got me to thinking.

When I found the UU I was attracted to its acceptance of 
diversity  -- acceptance of sexual and affectional attractions (read 
gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender).   I thought surely this 
faith would understand Polyamory.  If love is a good thing, then 
surely more love should be a better thing.   And Polyamory promotes 
more love, not less love....

        And for a while things seemed to be going very well.   I 
worked hard with several others putting UUPA on the map 
and  participating in General Assembly to disseminate Poly ideas to 
the UUA.   And not without some success as our workshops were well 
attended.   Many UUs (my own congregation included) understand 
Polyamory but do not choose to practice it.   I know of many UU Polys 
who have been readily accepted into their congregations and 
Polyamorous UU clergy are out there -- I have met them at Poly 
conferences.  Why does the thought of having loving families of a 
slightly different form cause people to be uncomfortable?

        For several years now I have watched the Poly community grow 
and enter the mainstream.  As of today Google lists 850,000 hits,  up 
from 502,000 hits just last October.   Hardly a month passes that 
something on Polyamory does not appear in the mainstream press, or on 
TV, or some new Polyamory conference appears.  As people find out 
about Polyamory the movement grows.  Just exactly where can Poly 
folks find a spiritual home if not the UUA?

        Yet in spite of this real growth the UUA seems to have 
chosen (choice again) to stick its head in the sand and not face 
directly that Polyamory is here.   I would love to see them come out 
and support the Poly community just like they have supported the GLBT 
community.   And I understand that there was major controversy in UU 
when the GLBT folks started making noises about being included.  The 
UUA lost membership (so I'm told) when gays and lesbians started to 
be included into the UU spiritual community.  Indeed, they were 
included and now make up a substantial portion of UU clergy and UU 
congregations.   Hmmmmmmm.......   So if Polyamory is embraced by the 
UUA, no doubt some will leave the UU community.  But many might join 
because they are welcomed and Polyamory accepted as a choice.  I know 
there are many out there who are Polyamorous and  I believe that the 
UUA is an ideal place for them to build a spiritual home.

        A year or two ago the UUA   Family Matters Task Force met 
with the UUPA for what I thought was a very positive and 
communicative conversation.   We ended the meeting agreeing to 
continue the dialogue and continue exploring how the UUA and 
Unitarian Universalists who are Polyamorous might seek common 
ground.  You know, something to do with open and honest 
communication.   Regrettably this has not happened.  Although some of 
us have attempted to directly contact UUA trustees for continued 
discussions of the issues of Polys and issues of the UUA, as far as I 
know the results have resulted in only some slight success.  My own 
attempts have been dismal failures.

        I hope everyone on this list will go to the  UUPA web 
site   www.uupa.org   and look at:   Polyamory and Unitarian 
Principles and Purposes    http://uupa.org/Literature/polyprinciples.html

        I also hope that everyone on this list will bring up 
Polyamory for discussion in their own congregations.

        Freedom of choice and understanding and accepting diversity 
seems to be in keeping with UU principles.  Why do I have the feeling 
that what the UU says and what it does and not quite in synch?

End of rant!

Ken Haslam

At 08:59 PM 2/24/2006, you wrote:
> I'm replying to the list here because I thought I would respond to 
> Richard's question and raise another of my own.  I attend Harvard 
> Divinity School and I am a UU, so of course, most on here know my 
> denomination's stance on poly relationships.  I recently gave a 
> sermon that involved critique of the UUA's position on polyamorous 
> relationships and I would be happy to share it with anyone who is 
> interested.  I also wonder what discussion has taken place on this 
> list previously about the argument (that has been made to me in 
> response to my sermon) that the risks, potential negative publicity, 
> and liabilities that would come with official UUA support of 
> polyamorous relationships outweigh the potential benefits to 
> society, polyamorous individuals, or families.  I'm sure this has 
> been discussed here before and I don't want to rehash the issues for 
> those that have already been through them likely many times, but any 
> thoughts to the listserve or individual emails would be helpful as I 
> think about the future of our denomination and my individual ministry.
> Blessings to all, Elizabeth