From acknchip@pacbell.net Thu Jul 1 12:05:18 2010 Received: from web81706.mail.mud.yahoo.com (web81706.mail.mud.yahoo.com [68.142.199.170]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o61G4fuj016634 for ; Thu, 1 Jul 2010 12:05:17 -0400 Received: (qmail 43837 invoked by uid 60001); 1 Jul 2010 16:04:40 -0000 Message-ID: <697842.43825.qm@web81706.mail.mud.yahoo.com> X-YMail-OSG: Rahkk40VM1lPQ0gmFt0lQH5KtF2SqfYqnjad7ELGdHV6W77 OwscAGU1dq6I.SZcbdxRhXd80J6lHxvNaVsjn9oPKL3TAsvE9UFJfYTbn8ro Jre3450m.QbKPimZ5jYGc1hjYdZ9uZapH6fh4KC26tWQDV4SOoFVKW039qnV qWS9MRHSYyi5QgtFkHh5_O8n47h0QFfcty39H5xPuP0yUJayazkxgNC7LpFC ec6Ex.KvULfKxWjQtTLAPfFaqh6AGNW.EC5k0adiu49cmfLd1AJnHmC1S_Jl o21Rxg5AwTFTh5Lfr.X7R4_.A8xNZbGusyFy5qvShhJJW.fQPF0M54xYxz2w mExImJIDDf_EMaIM9ixfR.E2Y Received: from [99.48.209.17] by web81706.mail.mud.yahoo.com via HTTP; Thu, 01 Jul 2010 09:04:40 PDT X-Mailer: YahooMailClassic/11.1.4 YahooMailWebService/0.8.104.274457 From: Mel Fleming II To: uupoly-l@uupa.org In-Reply-To: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1 X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Thu, 01 Jul 2010 16:05:18 -0000 X-Original-Date: Thu, 1 Jul 2010 09:04:40 -0700 (PDT) X-List-Received-Date: Thu, 01 Jul 2010 16:05:18 -0000 How can I get=A0 group started in Southern California?=A0 Any groups like t= his are very scant out here. --- On Thu, 7/1/10, uupoly-l-request@uupa.org w= rote: From: uupoly-l-request@uupa.org Subject: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Date: Thursday, July 1, 2010, 9:00 AM Send UUPoly-L mailing list submissions to =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l@uupa.org To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit =A0=A0=A0 http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l-request@uupa.org You can reach the person managing the list at =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l-owner@uupa.org When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific than "Re: Contents of UUPoly-L digest..." Today's Topics: =A0=A0=A01. Re: Group I'd mentioned in the meeting yesterday (Tara Shakti-M= a) =A0=A0=A02. request for referral (Valerie White) =A0=A0=A03. Re: request for referral (Michael Rios) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Message: 1 Date: Wed, 30 Jun 2010 19:19:06 -0400 From: "Tara Shakti-Ma" Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Group I'd mentioned in the meeting yesterday To: Message-ID: <13621BDBB733400CB33521D5CF0C23C0@HamsaPC> Content-Type: text/plain;=A0=A0=A0 charset=3D"iso-8859-1" By all means.=A0 Welcome all!=A0 Please read our homepage before you join, = to be sure you feel in alignment with the basic spirit of the list.=A0 I im= agine that would be most folks here.=A0=20 Namaste': Tara Shakti-Ma )O(=20 http://www.facebook.com/Tara.ShaktiMa.Dakini=A0=20 *=A0 Join us at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ExpansiveLoving/ - An interna= tionally serving on-line group for spiritually and new-paradigm inclined po= ly-folk.=A0 We also have a companion group by the same name on Facebook.=A0= =20 *=A0 New England Area Polyamory Network at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NE= APN/ - Serving as a central resource for poly-folk in and around the New En= gland area...also with a companion group on Facebook. =A0 ----- Original Message -----=20 =A0 From: dorothyk@charter.net=20 =A0 To: UUPoly-L@uupa.org=20 =A0 Cc: DorothyK@charter.net=20 =A0 Sent: Sunday, June 27, 2010 12:01 PM =A0 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Group I'd mentioned in the meeting yesterday =A0 This is the group I talked about being a good place to have a UUPA pres= ence...=20 =A0 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ExpansiveLoving/=20 =A0 Tara (email below) is primary for the group. =A0 Dorothy =A0 =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D =A0 To: =A0 From: "Tara Shakti-Ma" =A0 Date: Sun, 27 Jun 2010 10:19:51 -0400 =A0 Subject: Re: [ExpansiveLoving] Sustainable relationships =A0 =A0 _______________________________________________ =A0 The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. =A0 Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yoursel= f. =A0 UUPoly-L mailing list =A0 UUPoly-L@uupa.org =A0 http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l ------------------------------ Message: 2 Date: Wed, 30 Jun 2010 20:09:28 -0400 From: Valerie White Subject: [UUPoly-L] request for referral To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Message-ID: <7.0.1.0.2.20100630200739.05c1f130@valeriewhite.org> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=3D"us-ascii"; format=3Dflowed Hi all you UU polys in the DC area.=A0 SFLDEF has received a request=20 for a referral from a woman in Woodbridge, VA, which she says is 30=20 minutes south of DC.=A0 She's on the verge of a separation and divorce=20 where polyamory and BDSM are an issue and custody of her children is=20 at stake.=A0 Anyone have a savvy attorney to recommend? Valerie White Executive Director Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, Inc. www.sfldef.org ------------------------------ Message: 3 Date: Wed, 30 Jun 2010 21:36:38 -0400 From: "Michael Rios" Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] request for referral To: Message-ID: <2B0B9096E3D747E3AAC175EE131E6507@MVRLENOVO2008> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=3DUS-ASCII Hi Valerie -- I'm sure you know to ask Ricci Levy of Woodhull and also the NCSF people. Jim Turner and Betsy Lehrfield might be a good resource - ask if you need contact info. Have you posted this on FetLife?=A0 NCSF has a FetLife group and people hav= e posted requests for legal help there.=A0 Also there are several DC-area BDS= M groups on FetLife which could be appropriate.=A0 There are lots of lawyers = on FetLife! If you're not on the site, send me a write-up of what you need and how to contact you and I'll be happy to post it for you. --Sarah (via Michael) =20 > > -----Original Message----- > > From: Valerie White > > > > Hi all you UU polys in the DC area.=A0 SFLDEF has received a request > > for a referral from a woman in Woodbridge, VA, which she says is 30 > > minutes south of DC.=A0 She's on the verge of a separation and divorce > > where polyamory and BDSM are an issue and custody of her children is > > at stake.=A0 Anyone have a savvy attorney to recommend? > > > > > > Valerie White > > Executive Director > > Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, Inc. > > www.sfldef.org > > > > _______________________________________________ > > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about > yourself. > > UUPoly-L mailing list > > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l ------------------------------ _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l End of UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1 *************************************** From dakinitara@tantrikapath.com Fri Jul 2 19:54:19 2010 Received: from vms173005pub.verizon.net (vms173005pub.verizon.net [206.46.173.5]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o62Nrj5P014727 for ; Fri, 2 Jul 2010 19:54:18 -0400 Received: from HamsaPC ([unknown] [72.95.54.56]) by vms173005.mailsrvcs.net (Sun Java(tm) System Messaging Server 7u2-7.02 32bit (built Apr 16 2009)) with ESMTPA id <0L4Y004PJFOSKQTL@vms173005.mailsrvcs.net> for uupoly-l@uupa.org; Fri, 02 Jul 2010 18:53:17 -0500 (CDT) Message-id: <8BA4F13101E14B3FAA3563B7740CF2A8@HamsaPC> From: "Tara Shakti-Ma" To: References: <697842.43825.qm@web81706.mail.mud.yahoo.com> In-reply-to: <697842.43825.qm@web81706.mail.mud.yahoo.com> MIME-version: 1.0 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Windows Mail 6.0.6002.18197 X-MIMEOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.0.6002.18197 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Starting and/or finding polyamory groups in CA (was UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1) X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 02 Jul 2010 23:54:19 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 02 Jul 2010 19:53:15 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 02 Jul 2010 23:54:19 -0000 Hi Mel: Here's a link to Polyamory Meet up groups all over the world. If you = scroll down you will find several Meet Up groups in CA. = http://polyamory.meetup.com/all/ In the list next to that you will see = a list of people in various areas waiting for a group to be started. = When I started a local Meet Up group, I used the list of those waiting = to start one. These are usually expected to be groups where people = actually get together for talks, socializing, doing activities together, = etc. On the UUPA website, under "Chapters" there are no actual chapters = listed, but there are contact people for various areas that might be a = support to you. http://www.uupa.org/chapters.html I found this listing for the Oakland/Berkley area = http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eastbaypolypotluck/ There are several California Yahoo Polyamory groups. It's good to check = the grid on their home page to see if the group has been active (post = wise) lately, otherwise you may be joining a dead group. = http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=3DCalifornia+Polyamory&sort=3Dreleva= nce Of course you can always start your own Yahoo group and then start to = invite people. At Expansive Loving - if you join - you could also ask = about groups in the vicinity of whatever part of CA you're in. On EL = you can also promote a local group. We encourage that. Maybe the = Loving More Love List also allows that, but it might be good to ask the = moderate about that, before you proceed. Of course you'd have to join = that list to do so also, if you're not already on it. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LovingMore_lovelist/ I wish you the very best in starting your group. Namaste': Tara Shakti-Ma )O(=20 http://www.facebook.com/Tara.ShaktiMa.Dakini =20 * Join us at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ExpansiveLoving/ - An = internationally serving on-line group for spiritually and new-paradigm = inclined poly-folk. We also have a companion group by the same name on = Facebook. =20 * New England Area Polyamory Network at = http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NEAPN/ - Serving as a central resource for = poly-folk in and around the New England area...also with a companion = group on Facebook. =A9 Copyright Tara Shakti-Ma 2010 ----- Original Message -----=20 From: Mel Fleming II=20 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org=20 Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2010 12:04 PM Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1 How can I get group started in Southern California? Any groups like = this are very scant out here. From wabaldwin@aol.com Fri Jul 2 20:05:55 2010 Received: from imr-ma06.mx.aol.com (imr-ma06.mx.aol.com [64.12.78.142]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6305MVr015894 for ; Fri, 2 Jul 2010 20:05:55 -0400 Received: from mtaout-ma01.r1000.mx.aol.com (mtaout-ma01.r1000.mx.aol.com [172.29.41.1]) by imr-ma06.mx.aol.com (8.14.1/8.14.1) with ESMTP id o6305Kpb003927 for ; Fri, 2 Jul 2010 20:05:20 -0400 Message-Id: <201007030005.o6305Kpb003927@imr-ma06.mx.aol.com> Received: from PowerSpec.aol.com (75-101-20-126.dsl.dynamic.sonic.net [75.101.20.126]) (using TLSv1 with cipher DHE-RSA-AES256-SHA (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) by mtaout-ma01.r1000.mx.aol.com (MUA/Third Party Client Interface) with ESMTPSA id 0EAE6E000097 for ; Fri, 2 Jul 2010 20:05:19 -0400 (EDT) X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Version 7.1.0.9 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org From: Bill Baldwin In-Reply-To: <8BA4F13101E14B3FAA3563B7740CF2A8@HamsaPC> References: <697842.43825.qm@web81706.mail.mud.yahoo.com> <8BA4F13101E14B3FAA3563B7740CF2A8@HamsaPC> Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"; format=flowed X-Antivirus: avast! (VPS 100702-1, 07/02/2010), Outbound message X-Antivirus-Status: Clean x-aol-global-disposition: G X-AOL-SCOLL-SCORE: 0:2:431742112:93952408 X-AOL-SCOLL-URL_COUNT: 0 x-aol-sid: 3039ac1d29014c2e7ebf5618 X-AOL-IP: 75.101.20.126 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by msb.ernest-doss.org id o6305MVr015894 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Starting and/or finding polyamory groups in CA (was UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1) X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 00:05:55 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 02 Jul 2010 17:05:08 -0700 X-List-Received-Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 00:05:55 -0000 South Bay Polys is still meeting in the San Jose area -- usually the 3rd Saturday each month. (We just don't have a website anymore). Bill At 04:53 PM 7/2/2010, you wrote: >Hi Mel: > >Here's a link to Polyamory Meet up groups all >over the world. If you scroll down you will >find several Meet Up groups in >CA. http://polyamory.meetup.com/all/ In the >list next to that you will see a list of people >in various areas waiting for a group to be >started. When I started a local Meet Up group, >I used the list of those waiting to start >one. These are usually expected to be groups >where people actually get together for talks, >socializing, doing activities together, etc. > >On the UUPA website, under "Chapters" there are >no actual chapters listed, but there are contact >people for various areas that might be a support >to you. http://www.uupa.org/chapters.html > >I found this listing for the Oakland/Berkley >area http://groups.yahoo.com/group/eastbaypolypotluck/ > >There are several California Yahoo Polyamory >groups. It's good to check the grid on their >home page to see if the group has been active >(post wise) lately, otherwise you may be joining >a dead >group. >http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=California+Polyamory&sort=relevance > >Of course you can always start your own Yahoo >group and then start to invite people. At >Expansive Loving - if you join - you could also >ask about groups in the vicinity of whatever >part of CA you're in. On EL you can also >promote a local group. We encourage >that. Maybe the Loving More Love List also >allows that, but it might be good to ask the >moderate about that, before you proceed. Of >course you'd have to join that list to do so also, if you're not already on it. > > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LovingMore_lovelist/ > >I wish you the very best in starting your group. > >Namaste': > >Tara Shakti-Ma )O( >http://www.facebook.com/Tara.ShaktiMa.Dakini > >* Join us at >http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ExpansiveLoving/ - >An internationally serving on-line group for >spiritually and new-paradigm inclined >poly-folk. We also have a companion group by the same name on Facebook. > >* New England Area Polyamory Network at >http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NEAPN/ - Serving >as a central resource for poly-folk in and >around the New England area...also with a companion group on Facebook. > > >© Copyright Tara Shakti-Ma 2010 > ----- Original Message ----- > From: Mel Fleming II > To: uupoly-l@uupa.org > Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2010 12:04 PM > Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 1 > > > How can I get group started in Southern > California? Any groups like this are very scant out here. >_______________________________________________ >The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. >Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. >UUPoly-L mailing list >UUPoly-L@uupa.org >http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l From JasmineGld@aol.com Sat Jul 3 11:43:36 2010 Received: from imr-ma05.mx.aol.com (imr-ma05.mx.aol.com [64.12.100.31]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o63Fh3KX030367 for ; Sat, 3 Jul 2010 11:43:36 -0400 Received: from imo-da04.mx.aol.com (imo-da04.mx.aol.com [205.188.169.202]) by imr-ma05.mx.aol.com (8.14.1/8.14.1) with ESMTP id o63Fgtbt009754 for ; Sat, 3 Jul 2010 11:42:55 -0400 Received: from JasmineGld@aol.com by imo-da04.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v42.9.) id g.da9.bbcd891 (37686) for ; Sat, 3 Jul 2010 11:42:50 -0400 (EDT) Received: from magic-m25.mail.aol.com (magic-m25.mail.aol.com [172.20.22.198]) by cia-mb08.mx.aol.com (v129.4) with ESMTP id MAILCIAMB082-93364c2f5a7a81; Sat, 03 Jul 2010 11:42:50 -0400 From: JasmineGld@aol.com Message-ID: <36d49.1b46e2e7.3960b47a@aol.com> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: 9.0 Security Edition for Windows sub 5379 X-AOL-ORIG-IP: 74.130.8.252 X-AOL-IP: 172.20.22.198 X-Spam-Flag: NO X-AOL-SENDER: JasmineGld@aol.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Chapters X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 15:43:36 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sat, 3 Jul 2010 11:42:50 EDT X-List-Received-Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 15:43:36 -0000 In a message dated 7/2/2010 7:54:52 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, dakinitara@tantrikapath.com writes: > On the UUPA website, under "Chapters" there are > no actual chapters listed, but there are contact people > for various areas that might be a support to you. Seven UUPA chapters are listed, but none in California, http://uupa.org/chapters UUPA would really like to add more chapters in more states. At the very least, we'd like to have a chapter in every UU District. I saw posts a couple months ago about forming a San Francisco Chapter. How is that progressing? wabaldwin@aol.com writes: > South Bay Polys is still meeting in the San Jose > area -- usually the 3rd Saturday each month. Bill, can you find two more UUs among the South Bay Polys who have or will join UUPA? Then you could form a San Jose Chapter. Jasmine From fantine@sonic.net Sat Jul 3 18:08:43 2010 Received: from b.mail.sonic.net (b.mail.sonic.net [64.142.19.5]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o63M892q019638 for ; Sat, 3 Jul 2010 18:08:43 -0400 Received: from [192.168.0.103] (75-101-18-7.dsl.static.sonic.net [75.101.18.7]) by b.mail.sonic.net (8.13.8.Beta0-Sonic/8.13.7) with ESMTP id o63M89iC002433 for ; Sat, 3 Jul 2010 15:08:09 -0700 From: Francesca Guido To: uupoly-l@uupa.org In-Reply-To: <36d49.1b46e2e7.3960b47a@aol.com> References: <36d49.1b46e2e7.3960b47a@aol.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" Message-ID: <1278194888.5604.4.camel@Astarte> Mime-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Evolution 2.28.3 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Chapters X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 22:08:43 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 15:08:08 -0700 X-List-Received-Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 22:08:43 -0000 A few weeks ago, I mailed the forms for the formation of the San Francisco Bay Area Chapter to bill & darlene for signatures. I was hoping they would have reached stockton by now. Bill, Darlene, did you receive the paperwork?? This chapter purports to covers the Greater Bay Area of San Francisco and such areas of the Pacific Central district as identify with us. 'Cesca On Sat, 2010-07-03 at 11:42 -0400, JasmineGld@aol.com wrote: > In a message dated 7/2/2010 7:54:52 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > dakinitara@tantrikapath.com writes: > > > On the UUPA website, under "Chapters" there are > > no actual chapters listed, but there are contact people > > for various areas that might be a support to you. > > Seven UUPA chapters are listed, but none in California, > http://uupa.org/chapters > > UUPA would really like to add more chapters in more states. At the very > least, we'd like to have a chapter in every UU District. > > > I saw posts a couple months ago about forming a San Francisco Chapter. How > is that progressing? > > > > wabaldwin@aol.com writes: > > > South Bay Polys is still meeting in the San Jose > > area -- usually the 3rd Saturday each month. > > > Bill, can you find two more UUs among the South Bay Polys who have or will > join UUPA? Then you could form a San Jose Chapter. > > Jasmine > > > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > From acknchip@pacbell.net Sun Jul 4 15:32:01 2010 Received: from web81707.mail.mud.yahoo.com (web81707.mail.mud.yahoo.com [68.142.199.171]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o64JVQ1m029917 for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 15:32:01 -0400 Received: (qmail 25432 invoked by uid 60001); 4 Jul 2010 19:31:25 -0000 Message-ID: <766696.25201.qm@web81707.mail.mud.yahoo.com> X-YMail-OSG: kzkaOAoVM1kgyLCxodnBdDNi_0qUvdfSeI2tpZekZFMkWwO 1xXMyt882shuyBuhqjw4rOwXe08_eMy57yvlBJIhlmS_45HnB1fvXXIkT3BO Vhd_fhvT0CpaUBghcgZg0WJs5_0c_Mw.P9KiCtLm_dj39i1_o10Jl2qxUEfc _1w1fwaQdiBOndoiW6FLdqM87bwMH5ovgG_g8JyZqvlBKqB3a86m75blE0nz AXhh9l3CczAkgIHFGQ7S4TtOjCRasI74rLmV6KQqqEOlWNnAllxqcH1cXIt6 gNIb_JdZ1PiAwzOQo.cyotS8gwn5ZKfHtJ5fIFmgNoVS.xDGSFDcYpw-- Received: from [99.96.93.202] by web81707.mail.mud.yahoo.com via HTTP; Sun, 04 Jul 2010 12:31:25 PDT X-Mailer: YahooMailClassic/11.1.4 YahooMailWebService/0.8.104.274457 From: Mel Fleming II To: UUPoly-L@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Chapter forming X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 04 Jul 2010 19:32:04 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2010 12:31:25 -0700 (PDT) X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 04 Jul 2010 19:32:04 -0000 I asked for information on forming a chapter in the Inland Empire areas of California. Please send me the forms. Rev. Mel J. Fleming II 380 Glenhill Dr. Riverisde,CA. 92507 951-788-9028 From JasmineGld@aol.com Sun Jul 4 17:22:05 2010 Received: from imr-db01.mx.aol.com (imr-db01.mx.aol.com [205.188.91.95]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o64LLV4Y003052 for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 17:22:05 -0400 Received: from imo-ma03.mx.aol.com (imo-ma03.mx.aol.com [64.12.78.138]) by imr-db01.mx.aol.com (8.14.1/8.14.1) with ESMTP id o64LLPoi029590 for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 17:21:25 -0400 Received: from JasmineGld@aol.com by imo-ma03.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v42.9.) id g.c97.64a8c426 (43838) for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 17:21:19 -0400 (EDT) Received: from magic-d19.mail.aol.com (magic-d19.mail.aol.com [172.19.155.135]) by cia-dc03.mx.aol.com (v129.4) with ESMTP id MAILCIADC033-ab3e4c30fb4e116; Sun, 04 Jul 2010 17:21:18 -0400 From: JasmineGld@aol.com Message-ID: <3ad36.21ce17c0.3962554e@aol.com> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: 9.0 Security Edition for Windows sub 5379 X-AOL-ORIG-IP: 74.130.8.252 X-AOL-IP: 172.19.155.135 X-Spam-Flag: NO X-AOL-SENDER: JasmineGld@aol.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Chapter forming X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 04 Jul 2010 21:22:08 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2010 17:21:18 EDT X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 04 Jul 2010 21:22:08 -0000 The two-page chapter form is available online for printing: _http://uupa.org/forms/contactchapter.pdf_ (http://uupa.org/forms/contactchapter.pdf) If you can't print it, email me offlist at uupa@uupa.org to receive a copy by mail. Jasmine Walston UUPA Secretary In a message dated 7/4/2010 3:33:03 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, acknchip@pacbell.net writes: > I asked for information on forming a chapter in the > Inland Empire areas of California. Please send me the forms. From JasmineGld@aol.com Sun Jul 4 18:13:55 2010 Received: from imr-db02.mx.aol.com (imr-db02.mx.aol.com [205.188.91.96]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o64MDKt8005748 for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 18:13:55 -0400 Received: from imo-da02.mx.aol.com (imo-da02.mx.aol.com [205.188.169.200]) by imr-db02.mx.aol.com (8.14.1/8.14.1) with ESMTP id o64MDAJU022380 for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 18:13:10 -0400 Received: from JasmineGld@aol.com by imo-da02.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v42.9.) id g.cee.7a6e0606 (37252) for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 18:13:05 -0400 (EDT) Received: from magic-m18.mail.aol.com (magic-m18.mail.aol.com [172.21.136.206]) by cia-ma07.mx.aol.com (v129.4) with ESMTP id MAILCIAMA072-91844c3107714e; Sun, 04 Jul 2010 18:13:05 -0400 From: JasmineGld@aol.com Message-ID: <758dc.1285f9fe.39626171@aol.com> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: 9.0 Security Edition for Windows sub 5379 X-AOL-ORIG-IP: 74.130.8.252 X-AOL-IP: 172.21.136.206 X-Spam-Flag: NO X-AOL-SENDER: JasmineGld@aol.com Subject: [UUPoly-L] Chapter requirements X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 04 Jul 2010 22:13:58 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2010 18:13:05 EDT X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 04 Jul 2010 22:13:58 -0000 UUPA chapters exist to provide support, promote education, and encourage spiritual wholeness regarding polyamory within Unitarian Universalism. Many poly groups are available that have no association with UUism, organized around socializing, information sharing, advocacy, or research. These groups provide important functions and serve vital needs. I belong to several of them. UUPA chapters address a different, very specific need, by raising awareness of polyamory within a context of ministry in the religious institution of Unitarian Universalism. Chapter requirements include three core members of the chapter who are members of a Unitarian Universalist congregation and members of UUPA, one of whom agrees to serve as a local contact person. Chapters may arrange their activities any way that suits them. One thing to keep in mind is this question: If a random member of my congregation, a UU minister, or a trustee of the UUA Board showed up at my chapter's meeting, would I be happy to have them join in the chapter's activities? Jasmine From dpagano@igc.org Sun Jul 4 21:22:13 2010 Received: from elasmtp-banded.atl.sa.earthlink.net (elasmtp-banded.atl.sa.earthlink.net [209.86.89.70]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o651MDgh015141 for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 21:22:13 -0400 Received: from [209.86.224.62] (helo=wamui-bucket.atl.sa.earthlink.net) by elasmtp-banded.atl.sa.earthlink.net with esmtpa (Exim 4.67) (envelope-from ) id 1OVaNx-0003SQ-Co for uupoly-l@uupa.org; Sun, 04 Jul 2010 21:22:13 -0400 Received: from 99.56.141.222 by webmail.c.earthlink.net with HTTP; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 21:18:06 -0400 Message-ID: <26879836.1278292686729.JavaMail.root@wamui-bucket.atl.sa.earthlink.net> From: Darlene Pagano To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: EarthLink Zoo Mail 1.0 X-ELNK-Trace: 39a82346d7ceb269f84080ff3e30f22cfc7c945bfecc5da07021f404828d717f350badd9bab72f9c350badd9bab72f9c350badd9bab72f9c350badd9bab72f9c X-Originating-IP: 209.86.224.62 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Yep X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: Darlene Pagano , uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Mon, 05 Jul 2010 01:22:13 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2010 21:18:06 -0400 (EDT) X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 05 Jul 2010 01:22:13 -0000 Yes, I got the paperwork, signed it and sent it on. Darlene -----Original Message----- >From: uupoly-l-request@uupa.org >Sent: Jul 4, 2010 12:00 PM >To: uupoly-l@uupa.org >Subject: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 4 > >Send UUPoly-L mailing list submissions to > uupoly-l@uupa.org > >To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l >or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to > uupoly-l-request@uupa.org > >You can reach the person managing the list at > uupoly-l-owner@uupa.org > >When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific >than "Re: Contents of UUPoly-L digest..." > > >Today's Topics: > > 1. Re: Chapters (Francesca Guido) > > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Message: 1 >Date: Sat, 03 Jul 2010 15:08:08 -0700 >From: Francesca Guido >Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Chapters >To: uupoly-l@uupa.org >Message-ID: <1278194888.5604.4.camel@Astarte> >Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" > >A few weeks ago, I mailed the forms for the formation of the San >Francisco Bay Area Chapter to bill & darlene for signatures. I was >hoping they would have reached stockton by now. > >Bill, Darlene, did you receive the paperwork?? > >This chapter purports to covers the Greater Bay Area of San Francisco >and such areas of the Pacific Central district as identify with us. > >'Cesca > >On Sat, 2010-07-03 at 11:42 -0400, JasmineGld@aol.com wrote: >> In a message dated 7/2/2010 7:54:52 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, >> dakinitara@tantrikapath.com writes: >> >> > On the UUPA website, under "Chapters" there are >> > no actual chapters listed, but there are contact people >> > for various areas that might be a support to you. >> >> Seven UUPA chapters are listed, but none in California, >> http://uupa.org/chapters >> >> UUPA would really like to add more chapters in more states. At the very >> least, we'd like to have a chapter in every UU District. >> >> >> I saw posts a couple months ago about forming a San Francisco Chapter. How >> is that progressing? >> >> >> >> wabaldwin@aol.com writes: >> >> > South Bay Polys is still meeting in the San Jose >> > area -- usually the 3rd Saturday each month. >> >> >> Bill, can you find two more UUs among the South Bay Polys who have or will >> join UUPA? Then you could form a San Jose Chapter. >> >> Jasmine >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> _______________________________________________ >> The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. >> Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. >> UUPoly-L mailing list >> UUPoly-L@uupa.org >> http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l >> > > > > >------------------------------ > >_______________________________________________ >The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. >Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. >UUPoly-L mailing list >UUPoly-L@uupa.org >http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > > >End of UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 4 >*************************************** visit the website of ColorLines magazine The national newsmagazine on race and politics www.colorlines.com From stacey.nj@gmail.com Sun Jul 4 21:44:12 2010 Received: from mail-iw0-f175.google.com (mail-iw0-f175.google.com [209.85.214.175]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o651iCub016536 for ; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 21:44:12 -0400 Received: by iwn34 with SMTP id 34so5028543iwn.20 for ; Sun, 04 Jul 2010 18:44:09 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.231.80.213 with SMTP id u21mr1786646ibk.173.1278294248365; Sun, 04 Jul 2010 18:44:08 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.231.150.130 with HTTP; Sun, 4 Jul 2010 18:44:08 -0700 (PDT) In-Reply-To: <26879836.1278292686729.JavaMail.root@wamui-bucket.atl.sa.earthlink.net> References: <26879836.1278292686729.JavaMail.root@wamui-bucket.atl.sa.earthlink.net> Message-ID: From: Stacey Greenstein To: Darlene Pagano , uupoly-l@uupa.org Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Yep X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Mon, 05 Jul 2010 01:44:12 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 4 Jul 2010 21:44:08 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 05 Jul 2010 01:44:12 -0000 Please trim your posts, especially when replying to a digest. On Sun, Jul 4, 2010 at 9:18 PM, Darlene Pagano wrote: > Yes, I got the paperwork, signed it and sent it on. > > Darlene > > -----Original Message----- > <106 lines snipped by Stacey> > > visit the website of > ColorLines magazine > The national newsmagazine on race and politics > www.colorlines.com > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > -- a guy named Stacey From haslamk@gmail.com Sat Jul 17 13:07:19 2010 Received: from mail-gy0-f175.google.com (mail-gy0-f175.google.com [209.85.160.175]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6HH7IV7006744 for ; Sat, 17 Jul 2010 13:07:18 -0400 Received: by gya6 with SMTP id 6so2010704gya.20 for ; Sat, 17 Jul 2010 10:07:17 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.150.47.13 with SMTP id u13mr2890130ybu.173.1279386437604; Sat, 17 Jul 2010 10:07:17 -0700 (PDT) Received: from [10.19.153.242] ([166.137.9.78]) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id f5sm1804440ybi.19.2010.07.17.10.06.40 (version=TLSv1/SSLv3 cipher=RC4-MD5); Sat, 17 Jul 2010 10:07:16 -0700 (PDT) Message-Id: From: Ken Haslam To: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailer: iPhone Mail (7E18) Mime-Version: 1.0 (iPhone Mail 7E18) References: <1e21a.2735b5e9.39732b2d@aol.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8; format=flowed; delsp=yes Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2010 17:07:19 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2010 13:06:24 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2010 17:07:19 -0000 A major article on nonmonogamy for the psychotherapy community. Follow the man who seeks the truth. Run from the man who thinks he =20 has found it. Begin forwarded message: > From: Healhere2@aol.com > Date: July 17, 2010 11:50:05 AM EDT > To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com > Subject: Re: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news > Reply-To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com > > > You were looking for this article - I am the author, and this is the =20= > link -- > > > > For those of you who might be interested, I have an article this =20 > month in the Psychotherapy Networker magazine on monogamy....I talk =20= > about the changes in the landscape of relationships and how couples =20= > therapists need to pay attention..... > > = http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-mo= nogamy > > > > The New Monogamy > > by Tammy Nelson > > How Far Should We Go? > > If there's anything fundamental to the meaning of marriage in =20 > Western society, it's monogamy. In fact, monogamy may be the only =20 > thing that remains essential to most people's idea of marriage. =20 > People no longer marry for economic, dynastic, or procreative =20 > reasons, as they did for millennia; they can't be compelled to marry =20= > by law, religion, or custom; they don't need to marry to have sex or =20= > cohabit or even produce and raise children. But throughout all of =20 > this staggering change, the requirement and expectation of monogamy =20= > as the emotional glue that keeps the whole structure of marriage =20 > from collapsing under its own weight has remained constant. > > To read the rest of the article go to: > > = http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-mo= nogamy > > > > > > TAMMY NELSON PhD > Psychotherapist and author > > Trainings, teleclasses, workshops and sessions for couples: = http://www.tammynelson.org/ > Or 203-438-3007 > > Follow me on Facebook = http://www.facebook.com/pages/Getting-the-Sex-You-Want/70524292128 > and Twitter http://twitter.com/healhere2 > > To order "Getting the Sex You Want" please click: > > = http://www.amazon.com%2FGetting-Sex-You-Want-Realities%2Fdp%2F159233301X%3= Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1202784621%26sr%3D8-2&tag=3Dpassionpartne-2= 0&linkCode=3Dur2&camp=3D1789&creative=3D9325 > > In a message dated 7/17/2010 1:30:59 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, = arnora.d@gmail.com=20 > writes: > > I'm going to try to get my hands on a copy of this article, but if =20 > anyone out there has access to the academic article databases, you =20 > might be able to pull some or all of the content that way: > > > = http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/images/stories/recentissues/PNJA10Co= ver.jpg > > The cover story: > = http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-mo= nogamy > > Apparently "the entire issue is dedicated to rethinking clinical =20 > attitudes towards monogamy," says a friend of mine state-side who =20 > has a subscription. > > (Also, for those who cross-pollinate with the kink community, the =20 > current issue of Therapy Today is entitled "Understanding the Kinky =20= > Client." Yay! http://www.therapytoday.net/article/52/categories/) > > Regards, > Arnora > > __._,_.___ > Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New =20= > Topic > Messages in this topic (2) > RECENT ACTIVITY: New Members 1 > Visit Your Group > MARKETPLACE > Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're =20 > on - Get the Yahoo! Toolbar now. > > > Get great advice about dogs and cats. Visit the Dog & Cat Answers =20 > Center. > > > Hobbies & Activities Zone: Find others who share your passions! =20 > Explore new interests. > > > Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest =E2=80=A2 Unsubscribe =E2=80=A2 = Terms of Use > . > > __,_._,___ From licorice.gumdrop@gmail.com Sun Jul 18 13:55:29 2010 Received: from mail-gw0-f47.google.com (mail-gw0-f47.google.com [74.125.83.47]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6IHtTWu023912 for ; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 13:55:29 -0400 Received: by gwj22 with SMTP id 22so2068486gwj.20 for ; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 10:55:28 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.151.50.14 with SMTP id c14mr3777854ybk.49.1279475728203; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 10:55:28 -0700 (PDT) Received: from [10.25.113.102] ([166.137.8.78]) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id q17sm4585649ybk.17.2010.07.18.10.55.24 (version=TLSv1/SSLv3 cipher=RC4-MD5); Sun, 18 Jul 2010 10:55:26 -0700 (PDT) References: <1e21a.2735b5e9.39732b2d@aol.com> In-Reply-To: Mime-Version: 1.0 (iPhone Mail 8A293) Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 Message-Id: <3CCC3584-62B3-43E3-9680-B3E5975E1F15@gmail.com> Cc: "uupoly-l@uupa.org" X-Mailer: iPhone Mail (8A293) From: licorice gumdrop To: "uupoly-l@uupa.org" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by msb.ernest-doss.org id o6IHtTWu023912 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 17:55:29 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 13:54:57 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 17:55:29 -0000 I think it's very interesting that the author spends 5 of 11 pages defining "monogamy" as something other than the dictionary definition of monogamy. So... nonmonogamy is the new monogamy? - Jenny ### sent from a mobile device - please forgive any thumb-related spelling errors. On Jul 17, 2010, at 1:06 PM, Ken Haslam wrote: > A major article on nonmonogamy for the psychotherapy community. > > Follow the man who seeks the truth. Run from the man who thinks he > has found it. > > > Begin forwarded message: > >> From: Healhere2@aol.com >> Date: July 17, 2010 11:50:05 AM EDT >> To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com >> Subject: Re: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news >> Reply-To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com >> > >> >> You were looking for this article - I am the author, and this is the >> link -- >> >> >> >> For those of you who might be interested, I have an article this >> month in the Psychotherapy Networker magazine on monogamy....I talk >> about the changes in the landscape of relationships and how couples >> therapists need to pay attention..... >> >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >> >> >> >> The New Monogamy >> >> by Tammy Nelson >> >> How Far Should We Go? >> >> If there's anything fundamental to the meaning of marriage in >> Western society, it's monogamy. In fact, monogamy may be the only >> thing that remains essential to most people's idea of marriage. >> People no longer marry for economic, dynastic, or procreative >> reasons, as they did for millennia; they can't be compelled to marry >> by law, religion, or custom; they don't need to marry to have sex or >> cohabit or even produce and raise children. But throughout all of >> this staggering change, the requirement and expectation of monogamy >> as the emotional glue that keeps the whole structure of marriage >> from collapsing under its own weight has remained constant. >> >> To read the rest of the article go to: >> >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >> >> >> >> >> >> TAMMY NELSON PhD >> Psychotherapist and author >> >> Trainings, teleclasses, workshops and sessions for couples: http://www.tammynelson.org/ >> Or 203-438-3007 >> >> Follow me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Getting-the-Sex-You-Want/70524292128 >> and Twitter http://twitter.com/healhere2 >> >> To order "Getting the Sex You Want" please click: >> >> http://www.amazon.com%2FGetting-Sex-You-Want-Realities%2Fdp%2F159233301X%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1202784621%26sr%3D8-2&tag=passionpartne-20&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325 >> >> In a message dated 7/17/2010 1:30:59 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, arnora.d@gmail.com >> writes: >> >> I'm going to try to get my hands on a copy of this article, but if >> anyone out there has access to the academic article databases, you >> might be able to pull some or all of the content that way: >> >> >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/images/stories/recentissues/PNJA10Cover.jpg >> >> The cover story: >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >> >> Apparently "the entire issue is dedicated to rethinking clinical >> attitudes towards monogamy," says a friend of mine state-side who >> has a subscription. >> >> (Also, for those who cross-pollinate with the kink community, the >> current issue of Therapy Today is entitled "Understanding the Kinky >> Client." Yay! http://www.therapytoday.net/article/52/categories/) >> >> Regards, >> Arnora >> >> __._,_.___ >> Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New >> Topic >> Messages in this topic (2) >> RECENT ACTIVITY: New Members 1 >> Visit Your Group >> MARKETPLACE >> Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're >> on - Get the Yahoo! Toolbar now. >> >> >> Get great advice about dogs and cats. Visit the Dog & Cat Answers >> Center. >> >> >> Hobbies & Activities Zone: Find others who share your passions! >> Explore new interests. >> >> >> Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use >> . >> >> __,_._,___ > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l From martin30buss@yahoo.com Sun Jul 18 14:54:18 2010 Received: from web35307.mail.mud.yahoo.com (web35307.mail.mud.yahoo.com [66.163.179.101]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6IIrioW026960 for ; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 14:54:18 -0400 Received: (qmail 8006 invoked by uid 60001); 18 Jul 2010 18:53:44 -0000 Message-ID: <918256.7213.qm@web35307.mail.mud.yahoo.com> X-YMail-OSG: z5z.DpoVM1ltakse2BS6mW3RBgSo4FATaH1giV4MJi7wXYq EV.u0SnaIbMFQagFhoXbYa6cIqnHcoIK79__lBII0iD9CuTOf3JZoF0tBhl5 D4bkkjb7N2gxYraDrrX0xahxQH0xBkxXZDqAkjiLYusDGQUETob.Q7T7G8ed i.iag..Doy.wWhTMkQNwS.CjskE7XGst.5m4bCmCaUNCVZBlSbYZVWHkamDs 8I6VXJmEv_BZwE4C4amgSTa7obUy62v1IhrWCQ0OEgBXo8Z27_yzbXHPAN4B GR2NVBjAyjQyhSYifftETx6qQpcSxd3ypxtom1Qi3aOHDXLDpcU6O9VKVBqk 1RLVWmXWgqvYCmK_zO4UQEMQwSmvb7Q9FpU8XVPC9gvJs0PNY8g-- Received: from [72.152.107.157] by web35307.mail.mud.yahoo.com via HTTP; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 11:53:43 PDT X-Mailer: YahooMailClassic/11.2.4 YahooMailWebService/0.8.104.276605 From: martin buss To: uupoly-l@uupa.org In-Reply-To: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 18:54:18 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 11:53:43 -0700 (PDT) X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 18:54:18 -0000 Does anyone have advice, or information about where advice is given, in reg= ard to the issue of internal pressure that comes with having two lovers? Martin --- On Sun, 7/18/10, uupoly-l-request@uupa.org = wrote: From: uupoly-l-request@uupa.org Subject: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Date: Sunday, July 18, 2010, 12:00 PM Send UUPoly-L mailing list submissions to =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l@uupa.org To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit =A0=A0=A0 http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l-request@uupa.org You can reach the person managing the list at =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l-owner@uupa.org When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific than "Re: Contents of UUPoly-L digest..." Today's Topics: =A0=A0=A01. Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news =A0 =A0 =A0 (Ken Haslam) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Message: 1 Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2010 13:06:24 -0400 From: Ken Haslam Subject: [UUPoly-L] Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in =A0=A0=A0 psychotherapy news To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Message-ID: Content-Type: text/plain;=A0=A0=A0 charset=3Dutf-8;=A0=A0=A0 format=3Dflowe= d;=A0=A0=A0 delsp=3Dyes A major article on nonmonogamy for the psychotherapy community. Follow the man who seeks the truth.=A0 Run from the man who thinks he=A0=20 has found it. Begin forwarded message: > From: Healhere2@aol.com > Date: July 17, 2010 11:50:05 AM EDT > To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com > Subject: Re: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news > Reply-To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com > > > You were looking for this article - I am the author, and this is the=A0= =20 > link -- > > > > For those of you who might be interested, I have an article this=A0=20 > month in the Psychotherapy Networker magazine on monogamy....I talk=A0=20 > about the changes in the landscape of relationships and how couples=A0=20 > therapists need to pay attention..... > > http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-m= onogamy > > > > The New Monogamy > > by Tammy Nelson > > How Far Should We Go? > > If there's anything fundamental to the meaning of marriage in=A0=20 > Western society, it's monogamy. In fact, monogamy may be the only=A0=20 > thing that remains essential to most people's idea of marriage.=A0=20 > People no longer marry for economic, dynastic, or procreative=A0=20 > reasons, as they did for millennia; they can't be compelled to marry=A0= =20 > by law, religion, or custom; they don't need to marry to have sex or=A0= =20 > cohabit or even produce and raise children. But throughout all of=A0=20 > this staggering change, the requirement and expectation of monogamy=A0=20 > as the emotional glue that keeps the whole structure of marriage=A0=20 > from collapsing under its own weight has remained constant. > > To read the rest of the article go to: > > http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-m= onogamy > > > > > > TAMMY NELSON PhD > Psychotherapist and author > > Trainings, teleclasses, workshops and sessions for couples: http://www.ta= mmynelson.org/ > Or 203-438-3007 > > Follow me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Getting-the-Sex-You-W= ant/70524292128 > and Twitter http://twitter.com/healhere2 > > To order "Getting the Sex You Want" please click: > > http://www.amazon.com%2FGetting-Sex-You-Want-Realities%2Fdp%2F159233301X%= 3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1202784621%26sr%3D8-2&tag=3Dpassionpartne-2= 0&linkCode=3Dur2&camp=3D1789&creative=3D9325 > > In a message dated 7/17/2010 1:30:59 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, arnora.d= @gmail.com=20 >=A0 writes: > > I'm going to try to get my hands on a copy of this article, but if=A0=20 > anyone out there has access to the academic article databases, you=A0=20 > might be able to pull some or all of the content that way: > > > http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/images/stories/recentissues/PNJA10C= over.jpg > > The cover story: > http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-m= onogamy > > Apparently "the entire issue is dedicated to rethinking clinical=A0=20 > attitudes towards monogamy," says a friend of mine state-side who=A0=20 > has a subscription. > > (Also, for those who cross-pollinate with the kink community, the=A0=20 > current issue of Therapy Today is entitled "Understanding the Kinky=A0=20 > Client." Yay! http://www.therapytoday.net/article/52/categories/) > > Regards, > Arnora > > __._,_.___ > Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New=A0=20 > Topic > Messages in this topic (2) > RECENT ACTIVITY: New Members 1 > Visit Your Group > MARKETPLACE > Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're=A0=20 > on - Get the Yahoo! Toolbar now. > > > Get great advice about dogs and cats. Visit the Dog & Cat Answers=A0=20 > Center. > > > Hobbies & Activities Zone: Find others who share your passions!=A0=20 > Explore new interests. > > > Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest ? Unsubscribe ? Terms of Use > . > > __,_._,___ ------------------------------ _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l End of UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 *************************************** =0A=0A=0A From haslamk@gmail.com Sun Jul 18 16:15:56 2010 Received: from mail-gw0-f47.google.com (mail-gw0-f47.google.com [74.125.83.47]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6IKFu3B030986 for ; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 16:15:56 -0400 Received: by gwj22 with SMTP id 22so2094051gwj.20 for ; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 13:15:53 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.100.151.4 with SMTP id y4mr3774283and.247.1279484153625; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 13:15:53 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.100.251.13 with HTTP; Sun, 18 Jul 2010 13:15:53 -0700 (PDT) In-Reply-To: <3CCC3584-62B3-43E3-9680-B3E5975E1F15@gmail.com> References: <1e21a.2735b5e9.39732b2d@aol.com> <3CCC3584-62B3-43E3-9680-B3E5975E1F15@gmail.com> Message-ID: From: Ken Haslam To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 20:15:56 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 16:15:53 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 20:15:56 -0000 I think that what makes this article is not the handling of monogamy and nonmonogamy etc but rather that it appeared in the Marriage/Family Therapy psychotherapeutic media. It is my understanding that the marriage and family counseling community is still not all that comfortable with nonmonogamy while to those on this list it is really old stuff. My MFT friends tell me that many MFT counselors still work on the assumption that monogamy is the only path for a couple to take and the first job is to get rid of the "third" partner. Having a therapist talk about nonmonogamy in more positive terms may be unsettling for many of the more traditional therapists. Here is a therapist essentially saying that nonmonogamy (or the New Monogamy) may be OK or words to that effect. Ken Haslam On Sun, Jul 18, 2010 at 1:54 PM, licorice gumdrop < licorice.gumdrop@gmail.com> wrote: > I think it's very interesting that the author spends 5 of 11 pages defining > "monogamy" as something other than the dictionary definition of monogamy. > > So... nonmonogamy is the new monogamy? > > - Jenny > > From ragwood09@att.net Thu Jul 22 18:39:37 2010 Received: from smtp104.sbc.mail.re3.yahoo.com (smtp104.sbc.mail.re3.yahoo.com [66.196.96.80]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6MMd2I6009324 for ; Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:39:37 -0400 Received: (qmail 83742 invoked from network); 22 Jul 2010 22:39:02 -0000 Received: from Hank (ragwood09@99.144.137.81 with login) by smtp104.sbc.mail.re3.yahoo.com with SMTP; 22 Jul 2010 15:39:01 -0700 PDT X-Yahoo-SMTP: k0eBjaeswBAUTLbnewk5osIbeR5DBwmpmrT75sZP X-YMail-OSG: K0KmUrYVM1nlM8WeimAlV3KZV6XHjxVoM2zSQTzq_2GFCgC EtN7Ei54pSjSuzaHf9Xnc9b4wj6yT4brUD_qosOgUkub8XgqbnXiz08py8ru JrtG.mI2fkbpfGq_HrejepsGwi47mAtl8J_Y4HkLqgGG9BDS8qYv.lb.Q4Pd 0njb1MZj2g7lbLRx4y2bcEi0X4XreeE49qU_VxDwGjafXJNCIrmEbZb9VDaT FtoNhLK5DtHavqH6FGc9Eas1Fm2P3jVvph9izAlBo6Mv4itNb_qXkue8T37c 1i7fSOnob6OP6QKKt8mNq5Gf54is8bftscKA8Msz7JRx2kHK.gk3pNx_CZZK LKnFgBMrssdzTrBjmCQHsw0_UEcQ_slcMe5qv74ij4t.rMuA6rQ-- X-Yahoo-Newman-Property: ymail-3 Message-ID: <5529D4214B8143BB8426F95B5B62E929@Hank> From: "Hank" To: References: In-Reply-To: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1"; reply-type=original Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Windows Mail 6.0.6002.18197 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.0.6002.18197 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 7 X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2010 22:39:37 -0000 X-Original-Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:39:03 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2010 22:39:37 -0000 To my surprise I received this message and still as a member on the list I still have not been granted aurthorization to look at the lists in the archives. Hank ----- Original Message ----- From: To: Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 12:00 PM Subject: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 7 > Send UUPoly-L mailing list submissions to > uupoly-l@uupa.org > > To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to > uupoly-l-request@uupa.org > > You can reach the person managing the list at > uupoly-l-owner@uupa.org > > When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific > than "Re: Contents of UUPoly-L digest..." > > > Today's Topics: > > 1. Re: Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news > (licorice gumdrop) > 2. Re: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 (martin buss) > 3. Re: Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news > (Ken Haslam) > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Message: 1 > Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 13:54:57 -0400 > From: licorice gumdrop > Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in > psychotherapy news > To: "uupoly-l@uupa.org" > Cc: "uupoly-l@uupa.org" > Message-ID: <3CCC3584-62B3-43E3-9680-B3E5975E1F15@gmail.com> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 > > I think it's very interesting that the author spends 5 of 11 pages > defining "monogamy" as something other than the dictionary definition of > monogamy. > > So... nonmonogamy is the new monogamy? > > - Jenny > > ### > > sent from a mobile device - please forgive any thumb-related spelling > errors. > > On Jul 17, 2010, at 1:06 PM, Ken Haslam wrote: > >> A major article on nonmonogamy for the psychotherapy community. >> >> Follow the man who seeks the truth. Run from the man who thinks he >> has found it. >> >> >> Begin forwarded message: >> >>> From: Healhere2@aol.com >>> Date: July 17, 2010 11:50:05 AM EDT >>> To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com >>> Subject: Re: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news >>> Reply-To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com >>> >> >>> >>> You were looking for this article - I am the author, and this is the >>> link -- >>> >>> >>> >>> For those of you who might be interested, I have an article this >>> month in the Psychotherapy Networker magazine on monogamy....I talk >>> about the changes in the landscape of relationships and how couples >>> therapists need to pay attention..... >>> >>> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >>> >>> >>> >>> The New Monogamy >>> >>> by Tammy Nelson >>> >>> How Far Should We Go? >>> >>> If there's anything fundamental to the meaning of marriage in >>> Western society, it's monogamy. In fact, monogamy may be the only >>> thing that remains essential to most people's idea of marriage. >>> People no longer marry for economic, dynastic, or procreative >>> reasons, as they did for millennia; they can't be compelled to marry >>> by law, religion, or custom; they don't need to marry to have sex or >>> cohabit or even produce and raise children. But throughout all of >>> this staggering change, the requirement and expectation of monogamy >>> as the emotional glue that keeps the whole structure of marriage >>> from collapsing under its own weight has remained constant. >>> >>> To read the rest of the article go to: >>> >>> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> TAMMY NELSON PhD >>> Psychotherapist and author >>> >>> Trainings, teleclasses, workshops and sessions for couples: >>> http://www.tammynelson.org/ >>> Or 203-438-3007 >>> >>> Follow me on Facebook >>> http://www.facebook.com/pages/Getting-the-Sex-You-Want/70524292128 >>> and Twitter http://twitter.com/healhere2 >>> >>> To order "Getting the Sex You Want" please click: >>> >>> http://www.amazon.com%2FGetting-Sex-You-Want-Realities%2Fdp%2F159233301X%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1202784621%26sr%3D8-2&tag=passionpartne-20&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325 >>> >>> In a message dated 7/17/2010 1:30:59 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, >>> arnora.d@gmail.com >>> writes: >>> >>> I'm going to try to get my hands on a copy of this article, but if >>> anyone out there has access to the academic article databases, you >>> might be able to pull some or all of the content that way: >>> >>> >>> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/images/stories/recentissues/PNJA10Cover.jpg >>> >>> The cover story: >>> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >>> >>> Apparently "the entire issue is dedicated to rethinking clinical >>> attitudes towards monogamy," says a friend of mine state-side who >>> has a subscription. >>> >>> (Also, for those who cross-pollinate with the kink community, the >>> current issue of Therapy Today is entitled "Understanding the Kinky >>> Client." Yay! http://www.therapytoday.net/article/52/categories/) >>> >>> Regards, >>> Arnora >>> >>> __._,_.___ >>> Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New >>> Topic >>> Messages in this topic (2) >>> RECENT ACTIVITY: New Members 1 >>> Visit Your Group >>> MARKETPLACE >>> Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're >>> on - Get the Yahoo! Toolbar now. >>> >>> >>> Get great advice about dogs and cats. Visit the Dog & Cat Answers >>> Center. >>> >>> >>> Hobbies & Activities Zone: Find others who share your passions! >>> Explore new interests. >>> >>> >>> Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest ? Unsubscribe ? Terms of Use >>> . >>> >>> __,_._,___ >> _______________________________________________ >> The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. >> Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. >> UUPoly-L mailing list >> UUPoly-L@uupa.org >> http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 2 > Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 11:53:43 -0700 (PDT) > From: martin buss > Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 > To: uupoly-l@uupa.org > Message-ID: <918256.7213.qm@web35307.mail.mud.yahoo.com> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 > > Does anyone have advice, or information about where advice is given, in > regard to the issue of internal pressure that comes with having two > lovers? > > Martin > > --- On Sun, 7/18/10, uupoly-l-request@uupa.org > wrote: > > From: uupoly-l-request@uupa.org > Subject: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 > To: uupoly-l@uupa.org > Date: Sunday, July 18, 2010, 12:00 PM > > Send UUPoly-L mailing list submissions to > ??? uupoly-l@uupa.org > > To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit > ??? http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to > ??? uupoly-l-request@uupa.org > > You can reach the person managing the list at > ??? uupoly-l-owner@uupa.org > > When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific > than "Re: Contents of UUPoly-L digest..." > > > Today's Topics: > > ???1. Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news > ? ? ? (Ken Haslam) > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Message: 1 > Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2010 13:06:24 -0400 > From: Ken Haslam > Subject: [UUPoly-L] Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in > ??? psychotherapy news > To: uupoly-l@uupa.org > Message-ID: > Content-Type: text/plain;??? charset=utf-8;??? format=flowed;??? delsp=yes > > A major article on nonmonogamy for the psychotherapy community. > > Follow the man who seeks the truth.? Run from the man who thinks he? > has found it. > > > Begin forwarded message: > >> From: Healhere2@aol.com >> Date: July 17, 2010 11:50:05 AM EDT >> To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com >> Subject: Re: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in psychotherapy news >> Reply-To: PolyResearchers@yahoogroups.com >> > >> >> You were looking for this article - I am the author, and this is the? >> link -- >> >> >> >> For those of you who might be interested, I have an article this? >> month in the Psychotherapy Networker magazine on monogamy....I talk? >> about the changes in the landscape of relationships and how couples? >> therapists need to pay attention..... >> >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >> >> >> >> The New Monogamy >> >> by Tammy Nelson >> >> How Far Should We Go? >> >> If there's anything fundamental to the meaning of marriage in? >> Western society, it's monogamy. In fact, monogamy may be the only? >> thing that remains essential to most people's idea of marriage.? >> People no longer marry for economic, dynastic, or procreative? >> reasons, as they did for millennia; they can't be compelled to marry? >> by law, religion, or custom; they don't need to marry to have sex or? >> cohabit or even produce and raise children. But throughout all of? >> this staggering change, the requirement and expectation of monogamy? >> as the emotional glue that keeps the whole structure of marriage? >> from collapsing under its own weight has remained constant. >> >> To read the rest of the article go to: >> >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >> >> >> >> >> >> TAMMY NELSON PhD >> Psychotherapist and author >> >> Trainings, teleclasses, workshops and sessions for couples: >> http://www.tammynelson.org/ >> Or 203-438-3007 >> >> Follow me on Facebook >> http://www.facebook.com/pages/Getting-the-Sex-You-Want/70524292128 >> and Twitter http://twitter.com/healhere2 >> >> To order "Getting the Sex You Want" please click: >> >> http://www.amazon.com%2FGetting-Sex-You-Want-Realities%2Fdp%2F159233301X%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1202784621%26sr%3D8-2&tag=passionpartne-20&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325 >> >> In a message dated 7/17/2010 1:30:59 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, >> arnora.d@gmail.com >>? writes: >> >> I'm going to try to get my hands on a copy of this article, but if? >> anyone out there has access to the academic article databases, you? >> might be able to pull some or all of the content that way: >> >> >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/images/stories/recentissues/PNJA10Cover.jpg >> >> The cover story: >> http://www.psychotherapynetworker.com/magazine/currentissue/926-the-new-monogamy >> >> Apparently "the entire issue is dedicated to rethinking clinical? >> attitudes towards monogamy," says a friend of mine state-side who? >> has a subscription. >> >> (Also, for those who cross-pollinate with the kink community, the? >> current issue of Therapy Today is entitled "Understanding the Kinky? >> Client." Yay! http://www.therapytoday.net/article/52/categories/) >> >> Regards, >> Arnora >> >> __._,_.___ >> Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New? >> Topic >> Messages in this topic (2) >> RECENT ACTIVITY: New Members 1 >> Visit Your Group >> MARKETPLACE >> Stay on top of your group activity without leaving the page you're? >> on - Get the Yahoo! Toolbar now. >> >> >> Get great advice about dogs and cats. Visit the Dog & Cat Answers? >> Center. >> >> >> Hobbies & Activities Zone: Find others who share your passions!? >> Explore new interests. >> >> >> Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest ? Unsubscribe ? Terms of Use >> . >> >> __,_._,___ > > > ------------------------------ > > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > > > End of UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 > *************************************** > > > > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 3 > Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2010 16:15:53 -0400 > From: Ken Haslam > Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Fwd: [PolyResearchers] Non-monogamy in > psychotherapy news > To: uupoly-l@uupa.org > Message-ID: > > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 > > I think that what makes this article is not the handling of monogamy and > nonmonogamy etc but rather that it appeared in the Marriage/Family Therapy > psychotherapeutic media. It is my understanding that the marriage and > family counseling community is still not all that comfortable with > nonmonogamy while to those on this list it is really old stuff. > > My MFT friends tell me that many MFT counselors still work on the > assumption that monogamy is the only path for a couple to take and the > first > job is to get rid of the "third" partner. Having a therapist talk about > nonmonogamy in more positive terms may be unsettling for many of the more > traditional therapists. > > Here is a therapist essentially saying that nonmonogamy (or the New > Monogamy) may be OK or words to that effect. > > Ken Haslam > > On Sun, Jul 18, 2010 at 1:54 PM, licorice gumdrop < > licorice.gumdrop@gmail.com> wrote: > >> I think it's very interesting that the author spends 5 of 11 pages >> defining >> "monogamy" as something other than the dictionary definition of monogamy. >> >> So... nonmonogamy is the new monogamy? >> >> - Jenny >> >> > > > ------------------------------ > > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > > > End of UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 7 > *************************************** From bear@sonic.net Sat Jul 24 20:52:45 2010 Received: from b.mail.sonic.net (b.mail.sonic.net [64.142.19.5]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6P0qBDH020343 for ; Sat, 24 Jul 2010 20:52:45 -0400 Received: from [75.101.18.6] (dillingers.com [75.101.18.6]) (authenticated bits=0) by b.mail.sonic.net (8.13.8.Beta0-Sonic/8.13.7) with ESMTP id o6P0qAJC006623 for ; Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:52:10 -0700 From: Ray Dillinger To: uupoly-l@uupa.org In-Reply-To: <918256.7213.qm@web35307.mail.mud.yahoo.com> References: <918256.7213.qm@web35307.mail.mud.yahoo.com> Content-Type: text/plain Message-Id: <1280018980.9477.20.camel@janus.pagansexcult.org> Mime-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Evolution 2.22.3.1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 00:52:46 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:49:40 -0700 X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 00:52:46 -0000 On Sun, 2010-07-18 at 11:53 -0700, martin buss wrote: > Does anyone have advice, or information about where advice is given, in regard to the issue of internal pressure that comes with having two lovers? > > Martin Can you be more specific? What do you mean when you use the words "internal" and "pressure" together in this context? Bear From kb4wyr@fhrd.net Sun Jul 25 16:08:09 2010 Received: from trueband.net (director.trueband.net [216.163.120.8]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6PK7aI8013975 for ; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 16:08:09 -0400 Received: (qmail 7700 invoked by uid 1006); 25 Jul 2010 20:07:36 -0000 Received: from kb4wyr@fhrd.net by rs0 by uid 1003 with qmail-scanner-1.16 (spamassassin: 3.2.5. Clear:SA:0(2.3/100.0):. Processed in 0.87079 secs); 25 Jul 2010 20:07:36 -0000 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.3 required=100.0 X-Spam-Level: ** Received: from unknown (HELO trueband.net) (172.16.0.10) by director.trueband.net with SMTP; 25 Jul 2010 20:07:35 -0000 Received: (qmail 16938 invoked from network); 25 Jul 2010 20:07:32 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO Verdigrismobile) (75.104.74.72) by -v with SMTP; 25 Jul 2010 20:07:32 -0000 From: "Christine Heinsohn" To: Message-ID: <004601cb2c34$ff299d70$fd7cd850$@net> MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 12.0 Thread-Index: AcssNPczHHQ/fG4QRSOuu6sC+kDW0w== Content-Language: en-us x-cr-hashedpuzzle: Xm8= BuVW CWCn CW2n CmYL Cuf9 C9gw DEf1 EHFo FVbA GM2s GdbG G1NN G+uU G/5A H7iI; 1; dQB1AHAAbwBsAHkALQBsAEAAdQB1AHAAYQAuAG8AcgBnAA==; Sosha1_v1; 7; {47920D48-48FA-40A5-B4E1-07FE88943C48}; awBiADQAdwB5AHIAQABmAGgAcgBkAC4AbgBlAHQA; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 20:07:10 GMT; TgBlAGUAZAAgAEgAZQBsAHAALAAgAFAAbABlAGEAcwBlACEAIQAhACEA x-cr-puzzleid: {47920D48-48FA-40A5-B4E1-07FE88943C48} Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Need Help, Please!!!! X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 20:08:10 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 15:07:14 -0500 X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 20:08:10 -0000 Being nearly a charter member of this group. I know one of its purposes is to be a support group. I really need some advice. My husband and I have be involved in a "tribe" for more than 10 years. The interconnects of that tribe are not critical to the help I need so I won't go into them at this time. One of the couples involved have two children. We are those children's God Grandparents. Not in a formal sense of that is documented on paper, but we were asked and we did agree. We have been interacting with the kids since they were born. Mom developed a new love beginning in Late April of this year. This new love's arrival into the tribe was like dropping sulfur into water, exothermic. The new love insisting that Mom cut off various components of the tribe, including business partner/lover and husband. Mom has complied. The New Love has cast aspersions on other tribal members as well. If one reviews the classic symptoms of intimate partner abuse, the relationship between Mom and New Love fits the bill. This is observable by not only people in the tribe, but also people Mom employs in her business. The behavior of New Love is beginning to negatively impact the business relationships as well. But the behavior is such that it not real overt and is camouflaged with the air of protectiveness. Divorce arrangements between Mom and Dad are proceeding rapidly. At this point is appears that Mom will become the custodial parent with shared custody with Dad. The problem is that New Love is moving into the family home soon and Mom expects New Love to have parenting duty as well. I am very concerned for the kids. They are very bright well behaved and for the most part well adjusted kids, now. The abuse tendencies of the New Love may well negatively impact that. How do I advocate for the kids when Mom won't listen? I want to make sure the kids are legally protected and do not suffer harm from the New Love. I will jeopardize my relationship with both parents as well as with my ability to see the kids, if I could assure they would be safe. I know that Dad is not standing around idly on this issue. He has insisted that the kids get counseling and remain in counseling for a while. I think the kids need a long term advocate. New Love is very patient and if there is a perceived end date New Love will bide her time. Any advice would be welcome. Christine From martin30buss@yahoo.com Sun Jul 25 17:51:11 2010 Received: from web35308.mail.mud.yahoo.com (web35308.mail.mud.yahoo.com [66.163.179.102]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6PLobAY019219 for ; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 17:51:11 -0400 Received: (qmail 31080 invoked by uid 60001); 25 Jul 2010 21:50:37 -0000 Message-ID: <958438.30269.qm@web35308.mail.mud.yahoo.com> X-YMail-OSG: nTApKIEVM1n_c..a5l1pbHDDCFnbi..8QcDAOCNtx5GVm1g 8FhzHJGr_RTOQFirrEyhyKVyPhENOeX_qBDIKPHGKHEQLl_U.XPdLZSZKGl0 m8syJGdojxXFLtVh3KYfZOlJgiP_in.1gybQes5G8n8VxfpY_c9NPGlZmrq2 HoEqdCDhZNps9LIipu4Io8jPUF0IdxL2ITfrIkD_1BvrUOlssIQ8oYByTemK OWeD3_hczL9TYCNI7NTevgEpGEmv5LtBN3YryfEHq2tZLHcmG.KIQef9bNy7 VsHwcDhxxpWWp_OQYqumOlnC5UlTp5mnfRpvMmlPT3oJmHqcXKjJ0qSbg4EO BFhnIGskQX_o0CeWEPFuzvWAU92Re Received: from [98.88.247.99] by web35308.mail.mud.yahoo.com via HTTP; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 14:50:36 PDT X-Mailer: YahooMailClassic/11.2.4 YahooMailWebService/0.8.105.277674 From: martin buss To: uupoly-l@uupa.org In-Reply-To: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 9 X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 21:51:11 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 14:50:36 -0700 (PDT) X-List-Received-Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 21:51:11 -0000 One symptom appears to be tensions in the "gut" (stomach/intestines). Is th= is at all wide-spread? Martin --- On Sun, 7/25/10, uupoly-l-request@uupa.org = wrote: From: uupoly-l-request@uupa.org Subject: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 9 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Date: Sunday, July 25, 2010, 12:00 PM Send UUPoly-L mailing list submissions to =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l@uupa.org To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit =A0=A0=A0 http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l-request@uupa.org You can reach the person managing the list at =A0=A0=A0 uupoly-l-owner@uupa.org When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific than "Re: Contents of UUPoly-L digest..." Today's Topics: =A0=A0=A01. Re: UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 (Ray Dillinger) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Message: 1 Date: Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:49:40 -0700 From: Ray Dillinger Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 6 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Message-ID: <1280018980.9477.20.camel@janus.pagansexcult.org> Content-Type: text/plain On Sun, 2010-07-18 at 11:53 -0700, martin buss wrote: > Does anyone have advice, or information about where advice is given, in r= egard to the issue of internal pressure that comes with having two lovers? >=20 > Martin Can you be more specific?=A0 What do you mean when you use=20 the words "internal" and "pressure" together in this context? =A0=A0=A0 =A0=A0=A0 =A0=A0=A0 Bear ------------------------------ _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l End of UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 9 *************************************** =0A=0A=0A From kd0r@fhrd.net Sun Jul 25 20:27:20 2010 Received: from trueband.net (director.trueband.net [216.163.120.8]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6Q0QkXq026014 for ; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 20:27:20 -0400 Received: (qmail 21840 invoked by uid 1006); 26 Jul 2010 00:26:46 -0000 Received: from kd0r@fhrd.net by rs0 by uid 1003 with qmail-scanner-1.16 (spamassassin: 3.2.5. Clear:SA:0(2.3/100.0):. Processed in 0.224196 secs); 26 Jul 2010 00:26:46 -0000 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.3 required=100.0 X-Spam-Level: ** Received: from unknown (HELO trueband.net) (172.16.0.5) by director.trueband.net with SMTP; 26 Jul 2010 00:26:46 -0000 Received: (qmail 21362 invoked from network); 26 Jul 2010 00:26:44 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO ?127.0.0.1?) (kd0r@75.104.74.72) by -v with SMTP; 26 Jul 2010 00:26:44 -0000 Message-ID: <4C4CD606.1090902@fhrd.net> From: David Heinsohn User-Agent: Thunderbird 2.0.0.24 (Windows/20100228) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org References: <004601cb2c34$ff299d70$fd7cd850$@net> In-Reply-To: <004601cb2c34$ff299d70$fd7cd850$@net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Need Help, Please!!!! X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 00:27:20 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 19:25:42 -0500 X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 00:27:20 -0000 Chris did a nice job of describing the situation, except that she's a bit chemically challenged. The reaction is like sodium and water, very exothermic. ;-) Suggestions eagerly accepted. David Christine Heinsohn wrote: > Being nearly a charter member of this group. I know one of its purposes is > to be a support group. > > > > I really need some advice. My husband and I have be involved in a "tribe" > for more than 10 years. The interconnects of that tribe are not critical to > the help I need so I won't go into them at this time. > > > > One of the couples involved have two children. We are those children's God > Grandparents. Not in a formal sense of that is documented on paper, but we > were asked and we did agree. We have been interacting with the kids since > they were born. > > > > Mom developed a new love beginning in Late April of this year. This new > love's arrival into the tribe was like dropping sulfur into water, > exothermic. The new love insisting that Mom cut off various components of > the tribe, including business partner/lover and husband. Mom has complied. > The New Love has cast aspersions on other tribal members as well. > > > > If one reviews the classic symptoms of intimate partner abuse, the > relationship between Mom and New Love fits the bill. This is observable by > not only people in the tribe, but also people Mom employs in her business. > The behavior of New Love is beginning to negatively impact the business > relationships as well. But the behavior is such that it not real overt and > is camouflaged with the air of protectiveness. > > > > Divorce arrangements between Mom and Dad are proceeding rapidly. At this > point is appears that Mom will become the custodial parent with shared > custody with Dad. The problem is that New Love is moving into the family > home soon and Mom expects New Love to have parenting duty as well. > > > > I am very concerned for the kids. They are very bright well behaved and for > the most part well adjusted kids, now. The abuse tendencies of the New Love > may well negatively impact that. > > > > How do I advocate for the kids when Mom won't listen? I want to make sure > the kids are legally protected and do not suffer harm from the New Love. I > will jeopardize my relationship with both parents as well as with my ability > to see the kids, if I could assure they would be safe. > > > > I know that Dad is not standing around idly on this issue. He has insisted > that the kids get counseling and remain in counseling for a while. I think > the kids need a long term advocate. New Love is very patient and if there > is a perceived end date New Love will bide her time. > > > > Any advice would be welcome. > > > > > > Christine > > > > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > > > From anthony.roza@gmail.com Sun Jul 25 22:44:33 2010 Received: from mail-ww0-f45.google.com (mail-ww0-f45.google.com [74.125.82.45]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6Q2iWWb031938 for ; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:44:33 -0400 Received: by wwf26 with SMTP id 26so6142300wwf.2 for ; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 19:44:32 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.227.157.77 with SMTP id a13mr6631181wbx.177.1280112272376; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 19:44:32 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.196.99 with HTTP; Sun, 25 Jul 2010 19:44:32 -0700 (PDT) In-Reply-To: <958438.30269.qm@web35308.mail.mud.yahoo.com> References: <958438.30269.qm@web35308.mail.mud.yahoo.com> Message-ID: From: Roza Anthony To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 9 X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 02:44:33 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:44:32 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 02:44:33 -0000 Martin, what you appear to be describing sounds like having two lovers is causing you physical pain. My first suggestion is to look into physical causes to this pain. Have you talked to a doctor and gotten this pain checked out? If there is no physical cause, and you are correct in saying that having two lovers is causing your body to react to the stress, sit down with both of your lovers at the same time and talk about it! If this is causing you pain, clearly there's something wrong, and it needs to be addressed. You don't include any details of your specific situation, but having recently been in a situation where I had two lovers, I was very happy and didn't have any negative physical symptoms. While I certainly had more stress to deal with (scheduling a three-way date can be very difficult), I had enough positive emotions to counterbalance it. But a large part of that was because the three of us did take the time to sit down and talk things out. Figure out what is causing your stress in terms of the relationships, and figure out with your partners how to alleviate the problem. Hope this helps. Roza On Sun, Jul 25, 2010 at 5:50 PM, martin buss wrote: > One symptom appears to be tensions in the "gut" (stomach/intestines). Is > this at all wide-spread? > > Martin > On Sun, 2010-07-18 at 11:53 -0700, martin buss wrote: > > Does anyone have advice, or information about where advice is given, in > regard to the issue of internal pressure that comes with having two lovers? > > > > Martin > > Can you be more specific? What do you mean when you use > the words "internal" and "pressure" together in this context? > > Bear > > > > > ------------------------------ > > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > > > End of UUPoly-L Digest, Vol 70, Issue 9 > *************************************** > > > > > _______________________________________________ > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. > UUPoly-L mailing list > UUPoly-L@uupa.org > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l > From acknchip@pacbell.net Mon Jul 26 12:09:18 2010 Received: from web81705.mail.mud.yahoo.com (web81705.mail.mud.yahoo.com [68.142.199.169]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6QG8jSZ004430 for ; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:09:18 -0400 Received: (qmail 134 invoked by uid 60001); 26 Jul 2010 16:08:44 -0000 Message-ID: <68032.96334.qm@web81705.mail.mud.yahoo.com> X-YMail-OSG: lT8aLTEVM1knaV4qQNtpspLXec1dbzsdIJ3ZZ_96KDIrajX hkkJqPJ8mu.OmokAJilAYe7W.kzYOHF793TjNgiuLVKfqSpEnbv0ORXw0XAg S.Z3pAyvMT35mKu76S2MstQVu3vSBDU0jfmvRDWpQeZ.Hb2wwZpKLO_9YHqX FMH58JGgOTmjVmlAeINbAlqGqmNRg3VinKYXDZ_tEDrolW4uHs_yxggnOPb8 CxiI1Wac7bTW2SXPV2eMz89XAAWTu88P3oTEHr8OlPg83BxNECxuzpsoetyB PxkxZ_ZqHbUU2EQTsZ19AQdW3RG8HIcFfwJeq26FHm8d6tIZXqNk83_s- Received: from [99.40.117.154] by web81705.mail.mud.yahoo.com via HTTP; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 09:08:43 PDT X-Mailer: YahooMailClassic/11.2.4 YahooMailWebService/0.8.104.276605 From: Mel Fleming II To: UUPoly-L@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Need help I need advice X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:09:19 -0000 X-Original-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 09:08:43 -0700 (PDT) X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:09:19 -0000 This person should never have been allowed into the tribe, and should be expelled immediately. otherwise you'll have a volcanic situation coming up. And that woul;d be trgic for the kids. Get rid of this person. Send them packing now. And where is this lady's husband during all this time? rev.Mel From JasmineGld@aol.com Mon Jul 26 12:39:10 2010 Received: from imr-da01.mx.aol.com (imr-da01.mx.aol.com [205.188.105.143]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6QGcZ1T006279 for ; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:39:09 -0400 Received: from imo-da02.mx.aol.com (imo-da02.mx.aol.com [205.188.169.200]) by imr-da01.mx.aol.com (8.14.1/8.14.1) with ESMTP id o6QGcNUY028317 for ; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:38:23 -0400 Received: from JasmineGld@aol.com by imo-da02.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v42.9.) id g.da7.aec2a99 (37131) for ; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:38:16 -0400 (EDT) Received: from magic-m23.mail.aol.com (magic-m23.mail.aol.com [172.20.22.196]) by cia-ma02.mx.aol.com (v129.4) with ESMTP id MAILCIAMA025-910b4c4db9f828; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:38:16 -0400 From: JasmineGld@aol.com Message-ID: <2a5f.2eb811a.397f13f8@aol.com> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: 9.0 Security Edition for Windows sub 5379 X-AOL-ORIG-IP: 74.130.8.252 X-AOL-IP: 172.20.22.196 X-Spam-Flag: NO X-AOL-SENDER: JasmineGld@aol.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Need Help, Please!!!! X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:39:11 -0000 X-Original-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:38:16 EDT X-List-Received-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:39:11 -0000 Adults have a right to make their own choices, even when their friends and family sincerely believe those choices are less than optimal. Step one is to remember this simple fact, and let it inform all your actions. Step two is remember our UU principles. Treat New Love with absolute respect due a person with inherent worth and dignity. Treat Mom as someone you love and want to maintain a connection with. Treat your godchildren as the treasures they are, that you want to enjoy on occasional visits and babysitting. Your task is NOT to fix New Love, or fix Mom, or to fix the situation. As desperate as it feels, your job is NOT to look after the children right now. Your job is to be the best person you can be, to behave with integrity, and to cultivate the connection. All the above is damnably difficult, sitting back doing "nothing" when your every fiber is screaming to fix things. But it's surprisingly effective. Over time, you end up being a role model for both Mom and New Love. You won't be able to see it in the short run, but it will be happening. I've lived this, with someone close to me in a situation I disapproved of. I waited. I tried to live my principles. In the end my relationship with my loved one is intact. I am reminded of a bit of wisdom I took from _Strange in a Strange Land_: Waiting Is. Most importantly, you'll be protecting the children's access to you. At some point, this access could matter a great deal. The key is to make yourselves assets in the lives of Mom and New Love, so they find value in the connection. At the same time, you're doing it because it's a principled way to behave, and you can live with yourself when it's all said and done. Jasmine From kb4wyr@fhrd.net Tue Jul 27 00:34:04 2010 Received: from trueband.net (director.trueband.net [216.163.120.8]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6R4XVfG004093 for ; Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:34:04 -0400 Received: (qmail 27522 invoked by uid 1006); 27 Jul 2010 04:33:30 -0000 Received: from kb4wyr@fhrd.net by rs0 by uid 1003 with qmail-scanner-1.16 (spamassassin: 3.2.5. Clear:SA:0(2.3/100.0):. Processed in 0.292619 secs); 27 Jul 2010 04:33:30 -0000 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.3 required=100.0 X-Spam-Level: ** Received: from unknown (HELO trueband.net) (172.16.0.19) by director.trueband.net with SMTP; 27 Jul 2010 04:33:30 -0000 Received: (qmail 19422 invoked from network); 27 Jul 2010 04:33:28 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO Verdigrismobile) (75.104.74.72) by -v with SMTP; 27 Jul 2010 04:33:28 -0000 From: "Christine Heinsohn" To: References: <68032.96334.qm@web81705.mail.mud.yahoo.com> In-Reply-To: <68032.96334.qm@web81705.mail.mud.yahoo.com> Message-ID: <000001cb2d44$dc698500$953c8f00$@net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 12.0 Thread-Index: Acss3PCHtnuOJldYTRe1YDwHZ1DxSQACAAtA Content-Language: en-us Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Need help I need advice X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 04:34:05 -0000 X-Original-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:33:15 -0500 X-List-Received-Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 04:34:05 -0000 Rev Mel, There were no tribal rules regarding New Loves being permitted or screened. Husband has been around the entire time and protesting the situation as being unhealthy. The "lady" has not altered any of her behavior regarding new love in spite of input from tribe members. Not sure rules would have prevented anything like this. As the "lady" is determined to maintain the new love no matter what. The "lady" also asserts that everyone elses observations are wrong. What I need is advice as to how I can make sure the legal system is focused on the kids needs and scrutinizes the parenting of the custodial parent and her attachments. Any idea? Christine -----Original Message----- From: uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org [mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of Mel Fleming II Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 11:09 AM To: UUPoly-L@uupa.org Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Need help I need advice This person should never have been allowed into the tribe, and should be expelled immediately. otherwise you'll have a volcanic situation coming up. And that woul;d be trgic for the kids. Get rid of this person. Send them packing now. And where is this lady's husband during all this time? rev.Mel _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3028 - Release Date: 07/26/10 01:36:00 From kb4wyr@fhrd.net Tue Jul 27 01:00:46 2010 Received: from trueband.net (director.trueband.net [216.163.120.8]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6R50DGe005926 for ; Tue, 27 Jul 2010 01:00:46 -0400 Received: (qmail 12994 invoked by uid 1006); 27 Jul 2010 05:00:12 -0000 Received: from kb4wyr@fhrd.net by rs0 by uid 1003 with qmail-scanner-1.16 (spamassassin: 3.2.5. Clear:SA:0(2.3/100.0):. Processed in 0.770081 secs); 27 Jul 2010 05:00:12 -0000 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.3 required=100.0 X-Spam-Level: ** Received: from unknown (HELO trueband.net) (172.16.0.7) by director.trueband.net with SMTP; 27 Jul 2010 05:00:12 -0000 Received: (qmail 26739 invoked from network); 27 Jul 2010 05:00:09 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO Verdigrismobile) (75.104.74.72) by -v with SMTP; 27 Jul 2010 05:00:09 -0000 From: "Christine Heinsohn" To: References: <2a5f.2eb811a.397f13f8@aol.com> In-Reply-To: <2a5f.2eb811a.397f13f8@aol.com> Message-ID: <00f201cb2d48$9692f620$c3b8e260$@net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 12.0 Thread-Index: Acss4R3VNfAd6oreQC2vchkfxT9ITAAZzC2A Content-Language: en-us Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Need Help, Please!!!! X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 05:00:47 -0000 X-Original-Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:59:59 -0500 X-List-Received-Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 05:00:47 -0000 Thanks Jasmine, The larger part of me has wanted and strived to take this approach. The smaller part of me, well, let's just say it has wanted to be unruly. I think I have pretty much held it in check. I will keep these concepts in mind. -----Original Message----- From: uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org [mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+kb4wyr=fhrd.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of JasmineGld@aol.com Sent: Monday, July 26, 2010 11:38 AM To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Need Help, Please!!!! Adults have a right to make their own choices, even when their friends and family sincerely believe those choices are less than optimal. Step one is to remember this simple fact, and let it inform all your actions. Step two is remember our UU principles. Treat New Love with absolute respect due a person with inherent worth and dignity. Treat Mom as someone you love and want to maintain a connection with. Treat your godchildren as the treasures they are, that you want to enjoy on occasional visits and babysitting. Your task is NOT to fix New Love, or fix Mom, or to fix the situation. As desperate as it feels, your job is NOT to look after the children right now. Your job is to be the best person you can be, to behave with integrity, and to cultivate the connection. All the above is damnably difficult, sitting back doing "nothing" when your every fiber is screaming to fix things. But it's surprisingly effective. Over time, you end up being a role model for both Mom and New Love. You won't be able to see it in the short run, but it will be happening. I've lived this, with someone close to me in a situation I disapproved of. I waited. I tried to live my principles. In the end my relationship with my loved one is intact. I am reminded of a bit of wisdom I took from _Strange in a Strange Land_: Waiting Is. Most importantly, you'll be protecting the children's access to you. At some point, this access could matter a great deal. The key is to make yourselves assets in the lives of Mom and New Love, so they find value in the connection. At the same time, you're doing it because it's a principled way to behave, and you can live with yourself when it's all said and done. Jasmine _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3028 - Release Date: 07/26/10 01:36:00 From acknchip@pacbell.net Tue Jul 27 12:38:19 2010 Received: from web81704.mail.mud.yahoo.com (web81704.mail.mud.yahoo.com [68.142.199.168]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6RGbkk2004175 for ; Tue, 27 Jul 2010 12:38:19 -0400 Received: (qmail 10792 invoked by uid 60001); 27 Jul 2010 16:37:44 -0000 Message-ID: <703698.10468.qm@web81704.mail.mud.yahoo.com> X-YMail-OSG: DufvWhsVM1loTsjjsEvWsicJ0KgZDTSuzdyRNE4HbaUywOT Xqy8DvVQ1lWFrtnJohDyrB4L_qfKtMlQe1UXNgEIHNpwYEoa.qkl.fBb2TIl DRG.BIrnfb1.f0Qw3ZoIzMlfjec8QmILDguQZfBA0g6YTVCSszYbpPXRbvH7 wYbcp5YZnbdvqgJ7C75x9Mlw37c3ZPevAJGBACdgZuDfVhCBG.nMB8OHEuIO ZKe2t5P_4vGkbpcJx3hYP7fFyP5fC_NV0F_Ah5o5ZBb7Ii0mfkWbJrX2.kqK iEXIZ9dnhA83eehw3l5jbscc6yTQ4YjrBetO8mYi5ZBULboys9R_fy8w- Received: from [206.210.160.19] by web81704.mail.mud.yahoo.com via HTTP; Tue, 27 Jul 2010 09:37:44 PDT X-Mailer: YahooMailClassic/11.2.4 YahooMailWebService/0.8.105.277674 From: Mel Fleming II To: UUPoly-L@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Re; I need advice X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:38:20 -0000 X-Original-Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 09:37:44 -0700 (PDT) X-List-Received-Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:38:20 -0000 I fully support that adults have the right to make choices, and that respect with love are higher qualities. Then again, i believe if something is toxic and threatens your safety you get rid of it, quickly. What would you advise if this person's behaviours becomes worse? Simply love and respect them. I don't know of anyone in a poly relationship, no matter what culture or faith, that would simply be patient with that. especially where children would be involved? As a former volunteer and consultant with abvused wives and children, in my opinion such toxidity shouldn't be tolerated. Now there was a reference to the legal system being used to protact the children. Do you honestly think they will approve of the tribal relationship? Would they have to respect that? You need to take matters into your own hands here. And you can do it with love, respect and yet be assertively tact. Rev.Mel From kd0r@fhrd.net Thu Jul 29 20:49:17 2010 Received: from trueband.net (director.trueband.net [216.163.120.8]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6U0miEU017447 for ; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:49:17 -0400 Received: (qmail 27725 invoked by uid 1006); 30 Jul 2010 00:48:44 -0000 Received: from kd0r@fhrd.net by rs0 by uid 1003 with qmail-scanner-1.16 (spamassassin: 3.2.5. Clear:SA:0(2.3/100.0):. Processed in 0.183075 secs); 30 Jul 2010 00:48:44 -0000 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.3 required=100.0 X-Spam-Level: ** Received: from unknown (HELO trueband.net) (172.16.0.16) by director.trueband.net with SMTP; 30 Jul 2010 00:48:43 -0000 Received: (qmail 27574 invoked from network); 30 Jul 2010 00:48:39 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO ?127.0.0.1?) (kd0r@75.104.74.72) by -v with SMTP; 30 Jul 2010 00:48:39 -0000 Message-ID: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> From: David Heinsohn User-Agent: Thunderbird 2.0.0.24 (Windows/20100228) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Kansas Polyamory , OKPoly , uupoly-l@uupa.org, WNYPoly@yahoogroups.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset=windows-1252; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Subject: [UUPoly-L] Listening X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:49:18 -0000 X-Original-Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:47:43 -0500 X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 00:49:18 -0000 This showed up at our morning meeting at work a couple of weeks ago. I liked it, though I think I'm guilty of listening in BOTH ways described. Your thoughts? David ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ excerpt from /Getting Good at Getting Along/ by BJ Gallagher “Listening is probably THE most important interpersonal skill you need to be successful, and yet most of us never get any formal training in how to listen-how to really listen. Many assume that people know how to listen because we’ve been listening to stuff our whole lives. Most of us don’t listen to learn-we listen for evidence to support what we already believe. In other words, we listen to gather evidence to make ourselves feel justified in our point of view. This kind of listening doesn’t help us get along with others-in fact, it does just the opposite! Instead of listening to defend your position, try listening to learn what it looks like from others’ points of view. It’s amazing how much you can learn if you stop listening to protect, and instead, start listening to understand.” From docrudolph@gmail.com Thu Jul 29 21:04:06 2010 Received: from mail-gw0-f47.google.com (mail-gw0-f47.google.com [74.125.83.47]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6U145mV018629 for ; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:04:05 -0400 Received: by gwb15 with SMTP id 15so429735gwb.20 for ; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:04:05 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.100.226.3 with SMTP id y3mr1180165ang.188.1280451845294; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:04:05 -0700 (PDT) Received: from bda696.bisx.prod.on.blackberry (bda-67-223-87-163.bise.na.blackberry.com [67.223.87.163]) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id c19sm2442984ana.22.2010.07.29.18.04.04 (version=SSLv3 cipher=RC4-MD5); Thu, 29 Jul 2010 18:04:04 -0700 (PDT) X-rim-org-msg-ref-id: 25099478 Message-ID: <25099478-1280451843-cardhu_decombobulator_blackberry.rim.net-844683059-@bda213.bisx.prod.on.blackberry> X-Priority: Normal References: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> In-Reply-To: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> Sensitivity: Normal Importance: Normal To: uupoly-l@uupa.org From: docrudolph@gmail.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset="Windows-1252" MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from base64 to 8bit by msb.ernest-doss.org id o6U145mV018629 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Listening X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: docrudolph@gmail.com, uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:04:06 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:04:03 +0000 X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:04:06 -0000 I like this Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry -----Original Message----- From: David Heinsohn Sender: uupoly-l-bounces+docrudolph=gmail.com@uupa.org Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:47:43 To: Kansas Polyamory; OKPoly; ; Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org Subject: [UUPoly-L] Listening This showed up at our morning meeting at work a couple of weeks ago. I liked it, though I think I'm guilty of listening in BOTH ways described. Your thoughts? David ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ excerpt from /Getting Good at Getting Along/ by BJ Gallagher “Listening is probably THE most important interpersonal skill you need to be successful, and yet most of us never get any formal training in how to listen-how to really listen. Many assume that people know how to listen because we’ve been listening to stuff our whole lives. Most of us don’t listen to learn-we listen for evidence to support what we already believe. In other words, we listen to gather evidence to make ourselves feel justified in our point of view. This kind of listening doesn’t help us get along with others-in fact, it does just the opposite! Instead of listening to defend your position, try listening to learn what it looks like from others’ points of view. It’s amazing how much you can learn if you stop listening to protect, and instead, start listening to understand.” _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l From kb4wyr@fhrd.net Thu Jul 29 22:41:27 2010 Received: from trueband.net (director.trueband.net [216.163.120.8]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6U2esQa023620 for ; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 22:41:27 -0400 Received: (qmail 8512 invoked by uid 1006); 30 Jul 2010 02:40:53 -0000 Received: from kb4wyr@fhrd.net by rs0 by uid 1003 with qmail-scanner-1.16 (spamassassin: 3.2.5. Clear:SA:0(2.0/100.0):. Processed in 0.622522 secs); 30 Jul 2010 02:40:53 -0000 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.0 required=100.0 X-Spam-Level: ** Received: from unknown (HELO trueband.net) (172.16.0.8) by director.trueband.net with SMTP; 30 Jul 2010 02:40:53 -0000 Received: (qmail 21752 invoked from network); 30 Jul 2010 02:40:51 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO Verdigrismobile) (173.156.216.197) by -v with SMTP; 30 Jul 2010 02:40:51 -0000 From: "Christine Heinsohn" To: , "'OKPoly'" , , References: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> In-Reply-To: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> Message-ID: <00e201cb2f90$9e2f57d0$da8e0770$@net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 12.0 Content-Language: en-us thread-index: AcsvgP71EJZZsbW4R12MU5gj45fRxQADwjzg Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] [KanPoly] Listening X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 02:41:27 -0000 X-Original-Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:40:43 -0500 X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 02:41:27 -0000 You do both. You listen to learn more frequently than many. I have also watched you struggle with the tendency to list for evidence. You get mad at yourself when you catch yourself doing. But it's real internal struggle that sometimes shows up on the outside. I don't thing that internal struggle is a bad thing because it means you are aware of your prejudices. Hugs, Christine Oh, I too do both and way too often list for evidence. Heck, I am in tech support, I am always looking for evidence. But seriously, I think being in tech support I have develop a more listening for learning style as I have burned far too many times by listening for evidence. Listening for evidence actually makes my job much harder! -----Original Message----- From: KanPoly@yahoogroups.com [mailto:KanPoly@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of David Heinsohn Sent: Thursday, July 29, 2010 7:48 PM To: Kansas Polyamory; OKPoly; uupoly-l@uupa.org; WNYPoly@yahoogroups.com Subject: [KanPoly] Listening This showed up at our morning meeting at work a couple of weeks ago. I liked it, though I think I'm guilty of listening in BOTH ways described. Your thoughts? David ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ excerpt from /Getting Good at Getting Along/ by BJ Gallagher "Listening is probably THE most important interpersonal skill you need to be successful, and yet most of us never get any formal training in how to listen-how to really listen. Many assume that people know how to listen because we've been listening to stuff our whole lives. Most of us don't listen to learn-we listen for evidence to support what we already believe. In other words, we listen to gather evidence to make ourselves feel justified in our point of view. This kind of listening doesn't help us get along with others-in fact, it does just the opposite! Instead of listening to defend your position, try listening to learn what it looks like from others' points of view. It's amazing how much you can learn if you stop listening to protect, and instead, start listening to understand." ------------------------------------ This message is from KanPoly To unsubscribe from this list send email to KanPoly-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com To switch to digest/web mode go to the Yahoo Groups web site, at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KanPolyYahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KanPoly/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KanPoly/join (Yahoo! ID required) <*> To change settings via email: KanPoly-digest@yahoogroups.com KanPoly-fullfeatured@yahoogroups.com <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: KanPoly-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3036 - Release Date: 07/29/10 13:34:00 From JasmineGld@aol.com Fri Jul 30 10:26:00 2010 Received: from imr-ma01.mx.aol.com (imr-ma01.mx.aol.com [64.12.206.39]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6UEPQE9022034 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:26:00 -0400 Received: from imo-ma01.mx.aol.com (imo-ma01.mx.aol.com [64.12.78.136]) by imr-ma01.mx.aol.com (8.14.1/8.14.1) with ESMTP id o6UEPA7H001247 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:25:10 -0400 Received: from JasmineGld@aol.com by imo-ma01.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v42.9.) id g.d75.e7e0140 (37567) for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:25:07 -0400 (EDT) Received: from magic-m20.mail.aol.com (magic-m20.mail.aol.com [172.20.22.193]) by cia-mb04.mx.aol.com (v129.4) with ESMTP id MAILCIAMB044-92bf4c52e0c3199; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:25:07 -0400 From: JasmineGld@aol.com Message-ID: <39030.36a9b769.39843ac3@aol.com> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: 9.0 Security Edition for Windows sub 5379 X-AOL-ORIG-IP: 74.130.8.252 X-AOL-IP: 172.20.22.193 X-Spam-Flag: NO X-AOL-SENDER: JasmineGld@aol.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Listening X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:26:00 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:25:07 EDT X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:26:00 -0000 =20 I've heard the same general idea slightly differently:=20 There are two ways to listen. One is to listen for points to rebut. The = =20 other is to listen to understand the other's point of view.=20 =20 It seems to me that the "rebut" and "support own point" are essentially = =20 amount to the same thing. Rebuttal serves the purpose of supporting what= we =20 already believe when dealing with an opponent. One difference is that the= =20 rebuttal idea highlights the distraction factor. When we listen for points= to =20 rebut, we also begin constructing that rebuttal, which takes our attention= =20 away from careful listening to the rest of the speaker's words. Then we= =20 miss out on a LOT of information.=20 =20 The most difficult part of listening to understand is the rapid pace of = =20 most conversations. If I take the time to listen carefully and try to =20 understand, there's a high probability that I'll lose the opportunity to= think =20 through my response and deliver it in a timely manner. So I have to weigh= the=20 necessity of delivering an immediate response based on the circumstances= =20 together with the cost of missing out on giving that response, balanced = =20 against the value of the information I'll receive from listening carefully= to =20 understand together with the value of the improvement in relationship that= is =20 likely to occur because of my efforts to walk in their shoes.=20 =20 So...a week/month/years's worth of assessment that has to be accomplished= =20 in a split second. No wonder this stuff is so difficult! No wonder I get= it =20 wrong so often. When I'm feeling seriously annoyed, it helps to remind=20 myself that information is power.=20 =20 These concepts work best when both/all parties agree to spend plenty of= =20 time in conversation, to allow each other silent time to ponder, and allow= =20 for opportunities to come back later and re-engage on the same topic. If= only =20 one party engages in the "listen to understand" technique, it takes a long= =20 time and an immense amount of patience.=20 =20 Jasmine =20 In a message dated 7/29/2010 8:49:21 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, =20 kd0r@fhrd.net writes: > Most of us don=E2=80=99t listen to learn-we listen for evidence =20 > to support what we already believe.=20 =20 From MAILER-DAEMON@msb.ernest-doss.org Fri Jul 30 10:27:16 2010 Received: from cmsmail02.mx.net (cmsmail02.mx.net [165.212.10.22]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6UEQhsZ022552 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:27:16 -0400 Received: from cmsmail02.cms.usa.net (localhost.localdomain [127.0.0.1]) by cmsmail02.mx.net (Postfix) with ESMTP id 7AEA317D036 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:26:12 +0000 (GMT) Received: from Internal [Internal] by cmsmail02.cms.usa.net (USANET web-mailer C8.MAIN.3.66S); Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:26:11 -0000 From: "Kathleen Haynie" To: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailer: USANET web-mailer (C8.MAIN.3.66S) Mime-Version: 1.0 Message-ID: <512ogdoAL3025T02.1280499971@cmsmail02.cms.usa.net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by msb.ernest-doss.org id o6UEQhsZ022552 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Listening X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: NoFwd@cmsmail02.mx.net, uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:27:16 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:26:11 -0000 X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:27:16 -0000 I will be away from my office and on vacation from July 30 through August 15th. If you need assistance, please contact my associate, Vonda Johnson, vonda_johnson@hotmail.com. Best, Kathleen C. Haynie, Ph.D. Director, Haynie Research and Evaluation b: 609.466.2990 c: 609.273.8173 ____________________________________________________________________ From JasmineGld@aol.com Fri Jul 30 10:42:59 2010 Received: from imr-da06.mx.aol.com (imr-da06.mx.aol.com [205.188.169.203]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6UEgP0w023595 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:42:59 -0400 Received: from imo-ma02.mx.aol.com (imo-ma02.mx.aol.com [64.12.78.137]) by imr-da06.mx.aol.com (8.14.1/8.14.1) with ESMTP id o6UEgKmI024290 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:42:20 -0400 Received: from JasmineGld@aol.com by imo-ma02.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v42.9.) id g.dc9.ec51648 (45300) for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:42:17 -0400 (EDT) Received: from magic-m20.mail.aol.com (magic-m20.mail.aol.com [172.20.22.193]) by cia-mc04.mx.aol.com (v129.4) with ESMTP id MAILCIAMC044-b0f44c52e4c930a; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:42:17 -0400 From: JasmineGld@aol.com Message-ID: <3a3e4.6dbe2e77.39843ec9@aol.com> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org MIME-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: 9.0 Security Edition for Windows sub 5379 X-AOL-ORIG-IP: 74.130.8.252 X-AOL-IP: 172.20.22.193 X-Spam-Flag: NO X-AOL-SENDER: JasmineGld@aol.com Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Re; I need advice X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:42:59 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:42:17 EDT X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:42:59 -0000 In a message dated 7/27/2010 12:38:24 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, acknchip@pacbell.net writes: > What would you advise if this person's behaviours becomes worse? I hear you asking, "What would you advise if the situation were different than it is?" People must respond to the situation as it exists. Re-writing the facts of a situation "as it might be" is the root of prejudice and civil rights violations. It creates problems where none existed before. Borrowing trouble. Self-fulfilling prophecies. We don't want people saying "Those polys MIGHT do x, y, and z, therefore we have to interfere with their lives to prevent it." We have to take care that we don't fall into the same behaviors. Jasmine From valerie@valeriewhite.org Fri Jul 30 10:53:31 2010 Received: from cosmos.phy.tufts.edu (cosmos.phy.tufts.edu [130.64.83.16]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6UEquIf024432 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:53:31 -0400 Received: from p92-11.acedsl.com ([66.114.92.11]:35539 helo=neptune.place.org) by cosmos.phy.tufts.edu with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1OeqxD-0004iF-QS; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:52:55 -0400 Received: from [192.168.0.247] (port=3647 helo=VW.valeriewhite.org) by neptune.place.org with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1OeqxD-0006pa-Cv; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:52:55 -0400 Message-Id: <7.0.1.0.2.20100722203818.05dba4f8@valeriewhite.org> X-Mailer: QUALCOMM Windows Eudora Version 7.0.1.0 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org, polylegal@yahoogroups.com From: Valerie White Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: [UUPoly-L] a plea for help X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:53:31 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:51:27 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:53:31 -0000 The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, Inc., has received a request for assistance from a young mother whose custody of her children is being challenged by her ex-husband because "I shoot fetish and pornographic content from my home in common rooms and in rooms occupied by the children, when in fact they are in his custodial care and with him. He is trying to say that the graphic nature of what we shoot (necro, erotic horror, forced fantasy elements) and the so-called "bodily fluids" present in his pictures constitutes an unsafe environment for my children. He also is presenting evidence of my written correspondence in public forums in which I defend my right to free speech, defend the rights of adult models, and support and defend my right to practice the "lifestyle". I have retained counsel but have no money left after the original retainer. I am a very good parent and my children are my life! I am desperate to find help!" We have communicated with her attorney and have seen the documents in the case. If you can contribute funds to assist her, please go to the SFLDEF website, www.sfldef.org, and use our Paypal button. Or you may send checks to SFLDEF at 156 Massapoag Ave. Sharon, MA 02067. If you know of email lists where this woman's plight would get a sympathetic response, please cross-post. Thank you in advance for your generosity. Valerie White Executive Director Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, Inc. www.sfldef.org From austin_20708@yahoo.com Fri Jul 30 12:35:48 2010 Received: from n57b.bullet.mail.sp1.yahoo.com (n57b.bullet.mail.sp1.yahoo.com [98.136.45.30]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6UGZEkZ030178 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:35:48 -0400 Received: from [216.252.122.219] by n57.bullet.mail.sp1.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 30 Jul 2010 16:35:13 -0000 Received: from [67.195.9.82] by t4.bullet.sp1.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 30 Jul 2010 16:35:13 -0000 Received: from [98.137.27.219] by t2.bullet.mail.gq1.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 30 Jul 2010 16:35:13 -0000 Received: from [127.0.0.1] by omp129.mail.gq1.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 30 Jul 2010 16:35:13 -0000 X-Yahoo-Newman-Property: ymail-3 X-Yahoo-Newman-Id: 763710.1963.bm@omp129.mail.gq1.yahoo.com Received: (qmail 66307 invoked by uid 60001); 30 Jul 2010 16:35:13 -0000 Message-ID: <616025.65414.qm@web114510.mail.gq1.yahoo.com> X-YMail-OSG: a1LPAjgVM1nF.OL_BEnr9iVsWaTq4.o1oeB0C2F5FS0xHBZ tfVWt4johMg7ATWHTHWCD.Jk3sQZouj0.9LtNnHR2kL7bnUKiyEo3IukUKI4 4NOERbgKn4J2opDF7m9zDyStLXdQ3OjMwoToQSn6eJCjO0iRx4XQ7rMjlt0X 6RSjUpFdR6t5veGw9aoHRoT5SLvhIlRntdFj2iX5N3WA2zHuJkFAtAKOj8Kn 3fRNRNWhpXIMxqmokPZe8wh_1MbIeJeRFBnN7L2XNgmXnapgr9ENMaVrfYK5 vs2jIAtCf_WcqRBetgY24kYuxm4gA46U4scNdvJpD8awDmleKaQVY7ro5RQN NLLY07928sI1Dx9pfZEPNGK7F Received: from [199.46.196.230] by web114510.mail.gq1.yahoo.com via HTTP; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 09:35:13 PDT X-Mailer: YahooMailRC/420.4 YahooMailWebService/0.8.105.279950 References: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> From: Frank To: uupoly-l@uupa.org, Kansas Polyamory , OKPoly , WNYPoly@yahoogroups.com In-Reply-To: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by msb.ernest-doss.org id o6UGZEkZ030178 Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Listening X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:35:48 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 09:35:13 -0700 (PDT) X-List-Received-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:35:48 -0000 David, This would be such a great topic for a local workshop (Balt - DC).    I listen in both ways and to complicate matters can get severely anxious, which becomes disruptive to both ways of listening.  It also leaves be walking away from a conversation with anxiety rather than a mental/emotional memory of the person(s) I was talking too.    If this were a workshop, held locally, I'd probably make time to go.   As for the anxiety, I'm working on it with a professional. Though I am replying to this email, I read ahead a bit and the aspect of the fast pace of conversation piqued my interest.   I'm not very good at holding on to points of interest during a conversation.   This means I either lose track of topics I would like to converse on further when a conversational break occurs or I interrupt to pursue a relevant but possibly tangential conversation and disrupt the flow and momentum of what the person has to say.   I'd prefer at times to pursue the tangent, but have no good sense for how that feels to others. *sigh* Cheers, Frank (my very first UUPoly-L post after many years of lurking) ----- Original Message ---- From: David Heinsohn To: Kansas Polyamory ; OKPoly ; uupoly-l@uupa.org; WNYPoly@yahoogroups.com Sent: Thu, July 29, 2010 8:47:43 PM Subject: [UUPoly-L] Listening This showed up at our morning meeting at work a couple of weeks ago. I liked it, though I think I'm guilty of listening in BOTH ways described. Your thoughts? David ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ excerpt from /Getting Good at Getting Along/ by BJ Gallagher “Listening is probably THE most important interpersonal skill you need to be successful, and yet most of us never get any formal training in how to listen-how to really listen. Many assume that people know how to listen because we’ve been listening to stuff our whole lives. Most of us don’t listen to learn-we listen for evidence to support what we already believe. In other words, we listen to gather evidence to make ourselves feel justified in our point of view. This kind of listening doesn’t help us get along with others-in fact, it does just the opposite! Instead of listening to defend your position, try listening to learn what it looks like from others’ points of view. It’s amazing how much you can learn if you stop listening to protect, and instead, start listening to understand.” _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l From kd0r@fhrd.net Fri Jul 30 20:32:36 2010 Received: from trueband.net (director.trueband.net [216.163.120.8]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with SMTP id o6V0W23P020510 for ; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:32:35 -0400 Received: (qmail 26184 invoked by uid 1006); 31 Jul 2010 00:32:01 -0000 Received: from kd0r@fhrd.net by rs0 by uid 1003 with qmail-scanner-1.16 (spamassassin: 3.2.5. Clear:SA:0(2.3/100.0):. Processed in 0.174289 secs); 31 Jul 2010 00:32:01 -0000 X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.3 required=100.0 X-Spam-Level: ** Received: from unknown (HELO trueband.net) (172.16.0.3) by director.trueband.net with SMTP; 31 Jul 2010 00:32:01 -0000 Received: (qmail 4356 invoked from network); 31 Jul 2010 00:31:58 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO ?127.0.0.1?) (kd0r@75.104.74.72) by -v with SMTP; 31 Jul 2010 00:31:58 -0000 Message-ID: <4C536EBD.8010706@fhrd.net> From: David Heinsohn User-Agent: Thunderbird 2.0.0.24 (Windows/20100228) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: uupoly-l@uupa.org References: <4C52212F.5050201@fhrd.net> <616025.65414.qm@web114510.mail.gq1.yahoo.com> In-Reply-To: <616025.65414.qm@web114510.mail.gq1.yahoo.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Listening X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:32:36 -0000 X-Original-Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 19:30:53 -0500 X-List-Received-Date: Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:32:36 -0000 > Frank (my very first UUPoly-L post after many years of lurking) > > Frank, thanks for breaking your long silence. I posted this thought to several lists and it seems to have hit home to many people. David From haslamk@gmail.com Sat Jul 31 08:05:10 2010 Received: from mail-ww0-f45.google.com (mail-ww0-f45.google.com [74.125.82.45]) by msb.ernest-doss.org (8.12.11/8.12.11) with ESMTP id o6VC59PN019192 for ; Sat, 31 Jul 2010 08:05:10 -0400 Received: by wwf26 with SMTP id 26so2085242wwf.2 for ; Sat, 31 Jul 2010 05:05:06 -0700 (PDT) MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.227.27.209 with SMTP id j17mr2892998wbc.88.1280577906316; Sat, 31 Jul 2010 05:05:06 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.179.205 with HTTP; Sat, 31 Jul 2010 05:05:06 -0700 (PDT) Message-ID: From: Ken Haslam To: UU Poly , Poly Researchers Content-Type: text/plain; charset=windows-1252 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Content-Filtered-By: Mailman/MimeDel 2.1.8 Subject: [UUPoly-L] Nonmonogamy in Male Couples -- an academic study X-BeenThere: uupoly-l@uupa.org X-Mailman-Version: 2.1.8 Precedence: list Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org List-Id: List-Unsubscribe: , List-Archive: List-Post: List-Help: List-Subscribe: , Date: Sat, 31 Jul 2010 12:05:10 -0000 X-Original-Date: Sat, 31 Jul 2010 08:05:06 -0400 X-List-Received-Date: Sat, 31 Jul 2010 12:05:10 -0000 This new study just appeared on another list and I think is of major significance. It is from San Francisco State and explores nonmonogamy in the gay community. It would seem that this group might be a great role model for the heterosexual/bisexual Poly community. Ken Haslam Study on non-monogamous male couples available online. http://www.thecouplesstudy.com/ Study goals The purpose of the study was to better un- derstand the experience of non-monogamous couples and glean valuable lessons Study goals were: =95 Gather basic information about how couples handled =91outside sex=92 =95 Identify and describe typical models and approaches (to the extent they existed) =95 Identify common themes, patterns, challenges and benefits =95 Record what couples had to offer in terms of =91learning=92 Participant selection We chose to focus solely on non-monogamous couples Participants needed to: =95 be in a long-term committed relationship (which we arbitrarily defined as 8+ years), and =95 have some type of =91outside sex=92 or an agreement for such Study population As a result of our personal recruiting, we ended up with a majority of participants that looked like us =96 older, white, middle-class Americans - many from the Bay Area In 19% of study couples, one or both partners were persons of color (primarily Latino or Asian) --=20 Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatibl= e neither with obedience, jealousy nor fear. It is there most pure, perfect, and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. Percy Bysshe Shelley Promote Acceptance of Relationship Choices Polyamory Leadership Network