If a partner is oppositional, you must respect that. You can't force Poly on anyone and if you do so in any way (either by convincing, mollifying, compromising) and they comply or bend, it's not had a 'good start'. That, in fact, will be a poor start and lend itself to problems that will eventually show up in splintered stressed relations or even resentment. Basically if you don't get your foundation in place effectively, you're building on shaky ground and will eventually fall apart -- not a symptom of Poly, per se, but a symptom of bad relationship building. If a partner is oppositional to this, then the best way to gain trust and respect is to back off and wait. That wait may mean you never get what you want -- but you've not damaged the other person's trust of you, the other person's ability to accept Poly in the future or even you. Whether the other person agrees or enters into a poly relationship, you must treat them with respect and care, regardless.
Just a few thoughts.
M
My husband and I are working on polyamory. We have had some experiences and are having trouble finding the right person/people, and would like to hear other people's experiences with polyamory. Right now we are going through a crisis with another couple with one member who is experiencing extreme jealousy and fear.
How do poly families meet others who are ready for this? If a partner is oppostitional, will patience, talking, and gentleness help bring him willingly to polyamory?(in other words, is there hope?) I realize that is a question none of you can answer specifically, but I guess I just need some support.
Thank you for any responses.
kestrel _______________________________________________ The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives. Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about yourself. UUPoly-L mailing list UUPoly-L@uupa.org http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l