Re: [UUPoly-L] Singles Group question

[P O <wild_card@sbcglobal.net>]

Well, I think how you respond has a lot to do with how
the church is structured.  For instance, in our church
the proper responce to the open hostility would be to
recall the other person to our Covenant.  Hopefully,
that would be enough for you to continue the
conversation on a more rational level.  

As for allowing polys in the singles group, that agian
depends on how things are run.  DO you use a committee
structure?  Who oversee's this singles group?  COuld
you go to the committee chair and lodge a complaint?  

In our model, all such activites are organized and run
by members of the congregation at large, but financing
must be obtained through sponsership by one of the
teams (replacement for committees) and approved by the
Conveener COuncil.  In order to be approved, the
actitivy must show that it is in keeping with the
stated goals and values of the church, as decided at
the January Congregational meeting.  

So, in our model, if you felt that excluding polys was
a violation of the churches mission, and the person
running the group refused to discuss it with you, you
could take the matter up with the Conveener council. 
Alternatively, if your church was large enough, you
could see about starting a second group, catering to
polys as well as singles GLBT, etc.  In our church our
COuncil has recently approved the start of a
GLBT-oriented singles group with the main focus at
attracting people from outside the church to attend
the group.  In our area, there just aren't a lot of
places for GBLTs to go to meet people.  In this case,
the group is expressly not for straights, since one of
our missions/ goals is to support GLBTs in our larger
community.  Since poly isn't even on our congregations
radar yet, serving them isn't one of our priorities.

Of course, the best advice is probably the one earlier
to try offering to present something to the
congregation on polyamory, in order to start a
conversation about the topic.  It is a longer view,
but likely the best way to achieve positive results. 
I'm actually thinking about approaching the people who
run our Forum about doing one later in our church
year.

Well, I hope things work out well for you.  Just
remember not to answer hostility with hostility.  That
just becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.  Try to
understand the fear behind the hostility and that it's
their issue, not your's unless you buy into it.

Pat
 
> ------------------------------
> 
> Message: 3
> Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2006 16:29:46 -0500
> From: "Angela Martin" <3goddesses@gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UU Singles group ?
> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
> Message-ID:

> On 8/22/06, B Burk <raedwulf@revealed.net> wrote:
> > This sort of indirectly brings up something I've
> been looking for
> > input on.  Clearly not all UU churches are
> unaccepting of the poly
> > lifestyle.  The local UU church has a singles
> group, that goes out,
> > has parties once in a while, etc..  The
> description of it in the
> > newsletter makes a point of saying that Gay,
> Lesbian, Bi, & Trans are
> > all welcome.  When I asked the person who runs the
> group if I, being
> > poly,  could come along and meet them, I was told,
> with much
> > hostility,  "your not single, we don't want you
> here".  I tried to
> > talk to her about it, but she wasn't listening, at
> all.  That was a
> > few months ago.  I don't think there is any use
> pursuing it further
> > with her.  I'm afraid if I say anything to the
> administration I will
> > only make things worse for myself.  So, now
> what.... ????   Doug
> 
> 
> I believe most church leaders would want to know if
> there is an
> unserved or underserved population, also when a
> simple question is met
> with such hostility.  How well do you know the
> administration?  Do
> they generally want to know when things like this
> happen?
> 
>