Re: [UUPoly-L] Singles Group question

SC Poly <sc34poly@earthlink.net> · Thu, 24 Aug 2006 15:09:44 -0000

I am sorry, but if this is a Singles group...and you have one or more S.O.'s You are not Single.

You might be "looking", wanting, etc... but you are not Single.  I think you will find the key in what the group is about.  at this time many of us do not have a "Place to call Home" in many environments, but remember it's their game, and their rules.  Many in their midst would not be capable of understanding you, me, anyone Poly.

there are fine lines...no doubt....

Good luck
James

-----Original Message-----
>From: P O <wild_card@sbcglobal.net>
>Sent: Aug 23, 2006 7:29 PM
>To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
>Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Singles Group question
>
>Well, I think how you respond has a lot to do with how
>the church is structured.  For instance, in our church
>the proper responce to the open hostility would be to
>recall the other person to our Covenant.  Hopefully,
>that would be enough for you to continue the
>conversation on a more rational level.  
>
>As for allowing polys in the singles group, that agian
>depends on how things are run.  DO you use a committee
>structure?  Who oversee's this singles group?  COuld
>you go to the committee chair and lodge a complaint?  
>
>In our model, all such activites are organized and run
>by members of the congregation at large, but financing
>must be obtained through sponsership by one of the
>teams (replacement for committees) and approved by the
>Conveener COuncil.  In order to be approved, the
>actitivy must show that it is in keeping with the
>stated goals and values of the church, as decided at
>the January Congregational meeting.  
>
>So, in our model, if you felt that excluding polys was
>a violation of the churches mission, and the person
>running the group refused to discuss it with you, you
>could take the matter up with the Conveener council. 
>Alternatively, if your church was large enough, you
>could see about starting a second group, catering to
>polys as well as singles GLBT, etc.  In our church our
>COuncil has recently approved the start of a
>GLBT-oriented singles group with the main focus at
>attracting people from outside the church to attend
>the group.  In our area, there just aren't a lot of
>places for GBLTs to go to meet people.  In this case,
>the group is expressly not for straights, since one of
>our missions/ goals is to support GLBTs in our larger
>community.  Since poly isn't even on our congregations
>radar yet, serving them isn't one of our priorities.
>
>Of course, the best advice is probably the one earlier
>to try offering to present something to the
>congregation on polyamory, in order to start a
>conversation about the topic.  It is a longer view,
>but likely the best way to achieve positive results. 
>I'm actually thinking about approaching the people who
>run our Forum about doing one later in our church
>year.
>
>Well, I hope things work out well for you.  Just
>remember not to answer hostility with hostility.  That
>just becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.  Try to
>understand the fear behind the hostility and that it's
>their issue, not your's unless you buy into it.
>
>Pat
> 
>> ------------------------------
>> 
>> Message: 3
>> Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2006 16:29:46 -0500
>> From: "Angela Martin" <3goddesses@gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] UU Singles group ?
>> To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
>> Message-ID:
>
>> On 8/22/06, B Burk <raedwulf@revealed.net> wrote:
>> > This sort of indirectly brings up something I've
>> been looking for
>> > input on.  Clearly not all UU churches are
>> unaccepting of the poly
>> > lifestyle.  The local UU church has a singles
>> group, that goes out,
>> > has parties once in a while, etc..  The
>> description of it in the
>> > newsletter makes a point of saying that Gay,
>> Lesbian, Bi, & Trans are
>> > all welcome.  When I asked the person who runs the
>> group if I, being
>> > poly,  could come along and meet them, I was told,
>> with much
>> > hostility,  "your not single, we don't want you
>> here".  I tried to
>> > talk to her about it, but she wasn't listening, at
>> all.  That was a
>> > few months ago.  I don't think there is any use
>> pursuing it further
>> > with her.  I'm afraid if I say anything to the
>> administration I will
>> > only make things worse for myself.  So, now
>> what.... ????   Doug
>> 
>> 
>> I believe most church leaders would want to know if
>> there is an
>> unserved or underserved population, also when a
>> simple question is met
>> with such hostility.  How well do you know the
>> administration?  Do
>> they generally want to know when things like this
>> happen?
>> 
>> 
>
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