Re: [UUPoly-L] UUCA: welcoming congregation

[Anita Wagner <imapolygirl@yahoo.com>]

Laura, thanks for this, I couldn't have said it better myself.  Playing to people's sexual biases does no one any good.  That said, I do believe in crafting a strategy to meet the immediate need.  To stay on message, it's probably not wise to bring up other sexual minorities, but neither should we villanize them.  If challenged about "those dirty swingers" , we can react neutrally and point out that we aren't talking about swinging, we're talking about polyamory. which is a very different kind of non-monogamy.   This brings the conversation back on point and negates that attempt to redirect the conversation.  
   
  If we had committed UU swingers who wanted to join together with us in UUPoly advocacy, that approach might be different, but we don't to my knowledge.  
   
  Anita Wagner

Laura Stewart <lonelocust@gmail.com> wrote:
  I would also point out that in fact some poly people *do* sleep
around. Some largely monogamous people sleep around (ie swingers).
And frankly, as consenting adults, we don't need an excuse to have sex
outside of marriage. We don't need an excuse to sleep around.
Educating people about the difference in swingers and poly people is
important. Educating people about the existance of polyfidelity is
important. But it's also important to not take on the attitude of "Oh
no! I only engage in committed relationships- not like those dirty
swingers who are just in it for the sex."

Poly is about love, but we don't need to excuse ourselves by
villanizing sex, even casual sex. It's not for everyone, but being
sex positive does, I believe, mean that one should acknowledge the
beauty in whatever forms of sexual expression others decide to engage
in.

(Also, hi, I'm new. I've been lurking for a while.)

-Laura

On 11/30/06, Anita Wagner wrote:
> Hi all -
>
> From a purely constructive point of view, what we find ourselves with when someone accuses us of using poly as an excuse for sex outside marriage is a teachable moment. This supposition is very common, and yes, very hurtful. And I must respectfully disagree with Tim McKee's blaming the poly community itself for bringing such accusations down upon itself. It's the larger disease of cultural sex-negativity that accounts for such skewed reactions to our saying who we are and who we love, together with deeply-seated knee-jerk reactions to fears it often bring up along the lines of, "What if my partner decided we should try this? Will I be the loser if that happens?" - keeping in mind that most people need a while to fully grasp the concept of polyamory being about abundance and not scarcity.
>
> On the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom's website you will find a very long listing of poly facts/soundbites. Whenever someone accuses you of just wanting to have your Kate and Edith, too (I think Ken Haslam originated that one), just reply with something from the following excerpt - you'll be a lot more comfortable articulating your beliefs and will enhance your chances for opening minds if you commit some version of this to memory and can comfortably pull it from your memory banks when it's called for:
> -----------------------------------
> General Sound Bites on Polyamory
>
> Polyamory is the desire for and conduct of responsible, non-monogamous, consensual, romantic relationships with more than one partner. Polyamory is different from cheating because of the honest communication between partners and lovers about their relationships.
> Polys say theirs is a relationship orientation and an aspect of personal identity just as monogamy is a relationship orientation and an aspect of personal identity for others, whether they are involved with anyone at a particular time or not.
>
> Poly relationships take many forms. They may be open relationships where a two primary partners agree to have relationships outside their committed primary relationship, or they may be group relationships consisting of three or more people. Some group relationships are cohabitating relationships, others are not.
>
> Poly relationships are formed between adults of all ages, races, genders and sexual orientations.
>
> Polys focus on love, commitment and family just as monogamous people do.
> Millions of Americans are looking for ways to spice up their sexual and emotional lives and get more of their needs met than is possible for them through traditional monogamy. The polyamorous lovestyle can be a consensual, safe, and gratifying way to strengthen healthy, caring, committed relationships and realize a greater abundance of love and companionship for all concerned.
> -----------------------------
>
> Complete document available at: http://www.ncsfreedom.org/library/polysoundbites.htm
>
> Smiles,
> Anita Wagner
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