[UUPoly-L] Poly, Swing, and the Numbers Game

[Fritz Neumann <fritzcat66@yahoo.com>]

My two cents on the whole "poly vs. swing" definitions game:

The problem with setting up any kind of "continuum" with poly on one end and
swing on another is that it assumes you are measuring some one thing - that the
more you are of one, the less you are of the other. But having been involved in
the swing community at one time (and thus having some familiarity with it), and
of course also being very much a polyamorist, I don't think they really have
much to do with one another.

It's almost as if "polyamorist" is something you ARE while swinging is
something you might DO. Or, another way of looking at it is that "polyamorous",
"monogamous", or "polyfidelitous" all describe your relationship style, while
"swing" or "BDSM", or "Furry", or whatnot describe your sexual activity.

For example, I see no inherent conflict in any of these sentences:

1) "I am a polyamorist. We (my partners and I) also enjoy swinging."

2) "I am a monogamist. We (my partner and I) also enjoy swinging."

3) "I am part of a polyfidelitous quad. Two of us also enjoy swinging."

Quantity of sex partners basically doesn't have anything to do with your
relationship style. It's not a numbers game.

For another concrete example, I am definitely a polyamorist. However, I have
only one sex partner, and it's been that way for many years now.

How? Well, because I find myself involved in a Vee-type relationship, where my
sweetie is the "hinge" and thus has another partner. I think this is actually a
fairly common poly relationship. I am definitely polyamorous and am happily
part of this polyamorous relationship. Yet I have only one sex partner, and I
like it that way.

Now, take our Vee for example. We might even be polyfidelitous, implying that
we were not open to adding new members to our partnership. However, maybe two
of us in this polyfi arrangement like to go out to swing clubs and enjoy a
night of swinging on occasion, perhaps even with some swingers we've known for
years and consider friends as well. This is quite possible, and doesn't change
the fact that the *relationship* remains essentially polyfidelitous.

Same works for monogamy. In fact, almost all swingers I've ever met happily
describe themselves as monogamous. The couples are monogamous and not
polyamorous because they are not particularly open to having more people enter
into the relationship. Nevertheless, the monogamous couples enjoy connecting
with other primarily monogamous couples for swinging on occasion. Doesn't mean
they aren't still monogamous. Remember, the root of the word "monogamy" is "one
SPOUSE", not "one SEX PARTNER" - even though traditional folks would have you
believe they mean the same thing, fact is, they don't.

Now, I think some folks have problems wrapping their heads around this because,
for THEM, sex *implies* relationship. But for some, including many swingers,
that's not necessarily true. So I don't think you can really have a "continuum"
between swing and poly. They're two different things, or at least they can be.

Broken down as a very simple logical argument, we have this:

Premise 1: A polyamorist might have only one sex partner. (e.g. a Vee
situation)

Premise 2: A monogamist might have multiple sex partners. (e.g. common
swingers)

Conclusion: Relationship style and number of sex partners are two entirely
different things. You can't necessarily deduce one from the other.

  >*< Fritz