[UUPoly-L] Polys in the Woodwork--

[Anne Newcombe <laffingwaterz@yahoo.com>]

Hello and welcome, K!

I don't know if I can offer anything other than
empathy, but the perhaps comforting thought that you
may not be as alone as you might imagine.  When we
began to explore a bit, having started a
multifidelitous relationship almost one year ago
(friends before), we were surprised to find other
folks of varying definitions of poly all over the
place.  We live in the rural Upper Peninsula of
Michigan.  It's the various _definitions_ of poly that
seem to be the most puzzling for us.  We are most
comfortable with polyfidelity, but that's us.  Every
day brings a new adventure, however, as we muddle
through and reassess, and constantly check in, check
in, check in.  Kind and gentle and effective
communication, and lots of it, seem to be paramount--

I think the hardest part, however, is actually
_finding_ other polys with whom we can be ourselves
and to compare notes--as you yourself are probably
experiencing.  For obvious reasons, small backwoods
rural communities are not as conducive to polys being
out and about.  They tend to be hidey-hole secretive
critters--sadly the state of our society.  I would
say, and it's only my opinion, that this is the
hardest part of being in a poly relationship, and in
particular, a polyfidelitous relationship.  We can't
all be affectionate and completely open with each
other in public.  How are our OSOs introduced to our
work colleagues at holiday parties, how do the
unmarried partners feel trying to avoid the subject of
married/unmarried at work (especially in small town
health/similar professions), and on and on.  The lists
of potential stumbling blocks in any relationship are
huge, in a poly relationship so much more so--

>From this relative newbie's perspective, anyhoo--
Best wishes for a quiet joy-filled Solstice and
holiday season, however you celebrate.
Anne

From: "k Morgan-Davie"
> Greetings and Intro,
> 
> Hello folks,
> 
> I'm a new initiate into the concept of polyamory,
> having attempted to make
> monogamy work for twenty years, two careers and 2
> children. I'm also an
> ex-Quaker and Pagan sympathizer.  If that doesn't
> label me as confused, I
> don't know what would!
> But I've been lurking for a couple days, enjoying
> the discussion on
> "romance", "sexual attraction" and all the rest, and
> have been quite
> impressed with the level of the discussion, the
> thoughtfulness, and the
> kindness.  Thanks!
> 
> Having said that, My partner and I are only just
> moving into active poly
> work, she having found someone to spend time with
> recently, and me still
> hanging out at home mostly, feeling and experiencing
> this new set of
> emotions and looking for the ways forward in
> comfort.  We're actually doing
> well so far, I think.
> 
> So, I'd welcome contact with others in similar
> situations, or with memories
> of them, and particularly anyone who might be
> located in southern and
> mid-coastal Maine - poly's seem to be pretty rare up
> here.
> Mostly, I'd like to hear from like-minded people. 
> This is quite an
> adventure we find ourselves on.  It's harder than
> most anything I've ever
> done, but I'm also finding it more rewarding than I
> expected.
>  - K



 
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