[UUPoly-L] Ouch! Ok, that hurt!

["K Morgan-Davie" <kmorgandavie@gmail.com>]

> "*Ah...I read in these word a desire for comfort with the process. "
> *Christine
>
>
>
> * " We can't all be affectionate and completely open with each
> other in public.   The lists of potential stumbling blocks in any
> relationship are
> huge, in a poly relationship so much more so--"
> *
> Anne



Having just received notes of encouragement from Anne and Christine (thank
you!) I'm just now in the middle of a serious "ouch" situation, and since
I've got you all here to listen...

My primary and I got invited by her OSO to a public event together (a boat
launching). I'd met (socially) her partner, but we hadn't yet gotten
together so that we could actually get to know each other a bit, though we'd
all agreed to do that, and had some plans in the works for the near future.
Anyway, said OSO heard from my partner that I was interested in sailing
boats, and since she works in a boat shop that's just completed work on a
replacement for the "Discovery" (one of the Jamestown Colony ships from
1607) she invited both of us to come see the launching, tour her handywork,
maybe hang out a bit..  Oh, and her (the secondaries) mom is also in town
visiting, knows these two ladies have a relationship going, but doesn't know
my place in the mix...
My partner and I talked about all this before hand, how she was feeling
uncomfortable because she didn't feel she could just "be herself" with the
OSO and I both there AND the others mom looking on, but she'd already been
out with the mom and OSO before, and had been more demonstrative then, so
wasn't mom going to wonder just what gives...?
But we agreed, the three of us (by phone) that hugs in greeting were ok, but
no other PDA's (Public Display of Affection), and no comments that might
make "mom" uncomfortable until we all know each other a whloe lot better.
Partner wasn't happy about this, but was agreeable.
And everything went along well, I actually had a great time with the OSO,
and mom, learned alot about wooden boats and sail, found her charming and
engaging and potentially (I think) a good friend to have around.
Then my partner mentioned that she'd like to hang around with the mom and
OSO for a while and let me go on home for the evening... Wham!
Felt like being hit in the gut with a hammer...
I felt like I was just in the way of her desire to move forward with this
relationship - my love for her, and our commitment, an inconvenience.  I'll
admit I pretty much just ran for it - I didn't figure out half of what I
feel until an hour later, on the road.
So I guess I'm knowing we need a protocol for this - maybe like no changing
the rules in the middle of the game.  We set out implicitly to go and come
home together, and I really feel like her sudden desire to stay behind was
a out of bounds.
So, any comments from those more used to this love-style?
Best - K