Re: [UUPoly-L] Ouch! Ok, that hurt!

["Brigitte Fires" <brigittefires@gmail.com>]

I agree that changing the rules mid-inning, as it were, is to be avoided.
There are all sorts of caveats that would make her staying behind despite an
agreement to leave together acceptable, but all of the caveats involve you
stating, "I'll be fine with it if you want to stay, but I'd like to go
home."

There are worse breaches of conduct and trust that could have happened, and
in the realm of unacceptable actions this is low on the list. I think
telling your partner later--when you are both well-rested and able to talk
calmly (i.e. not in the middle of in argument over anything)--that you
realized after you left how much that hurt you would be best. It's one thing
to realize in the moment that you are agreeing to something that you are not
happy about it, it's another to agree and then realize how strongly you feel
about it.

"Honey I'm sorry, but I realized on the way home that changing our
arrangement really hurt my feelings. Next time, let's make sure we discuss
groundrules before hand and stick to them. And I'll be sure to be honest if
I have reservations about something."

Having been the partner in the middle of a similar situation, I must say
that I value honesty above all else. I'd rather be told in a quiet, polite
way that my partner would prefer to stick to our arrangement than find out
later that I have hurt someone by changing things. Especially if the person
was hurt by the suggestion to run along home and agreed anyway.

Even if the mom thought you two were just friends, it's easy enough to say,
"I'd love to stay but I have a rule about leaving with the friends I came
with."

Brigitte

We set out implicitly to go and come
> home together, and I really feel like her sudden desire to stay behind was
> a out of bounds.
> So, any comments from those more used to this love-style?
> Best - K
> _______________________________________________
300x2 MDR since 8/06