From: "Brigitte Fires" <brigittefires@gmail.com>
Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] a useful word
Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 03:49:32 -0400
I like the term alloparent, from the standpoint that 'godparent' always
felt
fake to me. I was, as I put it, "playing mommy" to a little girl from the
time she was 2+ until she was 5+. I was certainly more involved in her life
and had more of a vested interest than a simple godparent would, amd while
I
also said I was her "future stepmother" while her father and I were engaged
for a while, I always longed for a term that would most accurately describe
our situation.
Similarly, someone mentioned that the term demands explanation. I suppose,
because I was constantly explaining our situation anyway, that wouldn't
bother me, and having an actual term for the relationship would, I feel,
validate it more in the eyes of those who simply thought I was trying to
take the place of the child's neglectful mother. Even if it meant
explaining
the term for a while.
I intend for my biological children to be raised primarily by myself and
their father or mother, but do not assume that other people I may be in
long-term relationships with will not take a parenting role to children
that
aren't their own. Just as I will probably end up in a parenting role to
children involved in my relationships. Having an actual scientific term for
that I feel will definately help to validate that relationship when it
comes
to dealing with doctors, teachers, etc., down the line.
I suppose what I'm saying is, if you're in a situation where you can
withstand the close scrutiny without danger, then having to explain the
term
isn't necessarily a bad thing, if it ends in more accurate understanding.
If
you need a quick answer for the inevitable question of "Who are you and why
do you care?" perhaps a more mainstream term is needed, if less accurate in
truth.
Brigitte
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