I wrote to my 31 year old daughter in late June to wish her uncle a
belated
surrogate father's day. I guess surrogate fits the bill as he and his wife
have been very active in raising my three children.
Tim
>From: "Brigitte Fires" <brigittefires@gmail.com>
>Reply-To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
>To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
>Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] a useful word
>Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 03:49:32 -0400
>
>I like the term alloparent, from the standpoint that 'godparent' always
>felt
>fake to me. I was, as I put it, "playing mommy" to a little girl from the
>time she was 2+ until she was 5+. I was certainly more involved in her
life
>and had more of a vested interest than a simple godparent would, amd
while
>I
>also said I was her "future stepmother" while her father and I were
engaged
>for a while, I always longed for a term that would most accurately
describe
>our situation.
>
>Similarly, someone mentioned that the term demands explanation. I
suppose,
>because I was constantly explaining our situation anyway, that wouldn't
>bother me, and having an actual term for the relationship would, I feel,
>validate it more in the eyes of those who simply thought I was trying to
>take the place of the child's neglectful mother. Even if it meant
>explaining
>the term for a while.
>
>I intend for my biological children to be raised primarily by myself and
>their father or mother, but do not assume that other people I may be in
>long-term relationships with will not take a parenting role to children
>that
>aren't their own. Just as I will probably end up in a parenting role to
>children involved in my relationships. Having an actual scientific term
for
>that I feel will definately help to validate that relationship when it
>comes
>to dealing with doctors, teachers, etc., down the line.
>
>I suppose what I'm saying is, if you're in a situation where you can
>withstand the close scrutiny without danger, then having to explain the
>term
>isn't necessarily a bad thing, if it ends in more accurate understanding.
>If
>you need a quick answer for the inevitable question of "Who are you and
why
>do you care?" perhaps a more mainstream term is needed, if less accurate
in
>truth.
>
>Brigitte
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