Re: [UUPoly-L] old vs. new relationships?

["Fehd, Ronald J. \(CDC/CCHIS/NCPHI\)" <rjf2@cdc.gov>]

I have always held the opinion that we all suffer from
what I call 'monogamy mind-set'.
What I mean by that phrase is that we are taught
and learn a langauge/vocabulary of duality 
in discussing and having r'ships.

In a recent workshop, I said I was poly
and in later conversations several people said, in essence:
'YeahBut, I don't know any successful poly r'ships;
they eventually melt down.'

For me poly is about getting better at relating.
I have to admit that I have melted --- or burned --- down
a couple of r'ships in my aspiration 
of learning/practicing becoming/being poly-hip.

I hear many people talk about NRE: New R'ship Energy
-- see also infatuation --
and how exciting that is in the early days/daze.

Q: Is NRE/infatuation A Good Thing?
Q: Compare and contrast with Lust.
   Remember to supply your definition of Lust.
Q: How do we integrate NRE and our Primary Partner?

I think that NRE/infatuation/Lust
is still 'monogamy mind-set'.
In my (in)famous r'ship with I-hope-I-never-have-to-learn-this-again
g-friend-from-Hell, she bent over backward
-- not to mention other contorsions --
until I pronounced her 'one-and-only'. 
:^) <sigh> ... |-(

Well, where did we go from there in 'poly mind-set'?
vertical descent, not surprisingly, eh?

> How do polyamorists handle this, successfully maintaining the 
> original primary relationship while not allowing periodic new 
> ones to threaten that?

* maturity, 
* (re)assuring one's primary regularly and appropriately
  about the strength of your connection
* being clear with NewLoves 
  about one's self- and partner-commitments

Shake a Rock?  Doesn't happen.

'monogamy mind-set' expects/allows primary r'ships to be changed
'poly mind-set' doesn't.

I remember someone commenting about my experience:
"Oh, yeah, one of those monogamists
who think you just haven't found The Right One, yet."
The other comment I remember was: think cowboy 
"Let me see if I can cut this filly out of the herd."

eh? two screens and 5:00 pm

Ron  formerly    'monogamy mind-set'
     aspiring to 'poly mind-set'
     in vocabulary and action
     in Atlanta