Re: [UUPoly-L] old vs. new relationships?

["Fehd, Ronald J. \(CDC/CCHIS/NCPHI\)" <rjf2@cdc.gov>]

> From: "Laura Stewart" 
> 
> On 2/1/07, Fehd, Ronald J. (CDC/CCHIS/NCPHI) <rjf2@cdc.gov> wrote:
> > I have always held the opinion that we all suffer from what I call 
> > 'monogamy mind-set'.
> > What I mean by that phrase is that we are taught and learn a 
> > langauge/vocabulary of duality in discussing and having r'ships.
> 
> > Q: How do we integrate NRE and our Primary Partner?
> 
> > * (re)assuring one's primary regularly and appropriately
> >   about the strength of your connection
> > * being clear with NewLoves
> >   about one's self- and partner-commitments
> 
> > 'monogamy mind-set' expects/allows primary r'ships 
> > to be changed 

i.e.: serial monogamy

> > 'poly mind-set' doesn't.
> 
> So, I really have no idea what you mean by the last statement, 

I agree with Anita's early post: which I'll reframe

"Gay, lesbian, bisexual, whatever-queerness flips your bit,
as long as you're looking for One-And-Only-One-at-a-Time
[i.e.: my Monogamy Mind-set]
I can handle your personal taste,
because your attitude is not personally threatening.
However, if you think everybody is Fair Game,
[i.e.: my Poly Mind-set]
then I have a Big Problem."

I hope that is clearer.

> > but I cut these all out to ask:
> 
> You keep talking about "monogamy mindset", but you clearly 
> say "Primary Partner" and not "Primary Partner(s)" throughout 
> your diatribe.  You seem to be making this assumption that 
> there's a "one"
> and then there's "others" or "secondaries" or whatever the 
> kids are calling them these days.  Do you see a disconnect here?

I personally do not feel any disconnect saying that I (intend to)
live, share time, money and most of my intimacy
with just one person.  
fwiw: my primary is a 6-year LDR.
my N-aries I see sporadically.

For those wanting or raising families 
that may be one of the many poly options
but, for this introvert, I'm fine w/one primary
and however many secondary/tertiary/N-aries.

Ron  post-parental  in Atlanta

marital status: (check all that apply)
[X] single
[X] married
[X] separated
[X] divorced
[X] widow(er)
[X] gave up
[X] looking
[X] never again
[X] knock, knock, anyone home?
[X] they're all just too strange, 
    except me and thee
    and I still occasionally wonder about thee
[X] post-parental
[X] poly
[X] responsible/responsive non-monogamist