[UUPoly-L] [RE] Story and a question

["Desmond Ravenstone" <gentlemonster@lycos.com>]

   ... here is the challenge. My current husband told me he is open to me
   exploring polyamory

   on my own, as long as he was informed and involved the whole way. That is

   all well and good, but I don't want every move I make scrutinized by him.

   I'd like to think I can make some personal explorations without him
   standing

   outside the door, so to speak. But so far I am not moving forward, as I

   seem to be stuck in this spot-knowing that if so moved, I could without

   facing recriminations. I almost don't believe him, and worry about messing

   things up.

   Thanks for sharing your story with us. All relationships, poly or not,
   need some level of negotiation. In your case, your current husband and you
   need to establish to what degree he will be "informed and involved" --
   that means each of you explaining your respective comfort levels and
   limits, and coming up with a workable middle ground.

   Granted, this sounds easier than it is. It requires a great deal of
   self-awareness, mutual respect, and good communication. But, if you are
   seriously considering this, and you are concerned about how he would be
   involved (and also consider why), then the two of you need to be clear.
   And consider that, even if after the discussion you decide not to proceed
   with exploring poly, there is still a good chance that you and he will
   benefit from such a courageous dialogue.

   Desmond Ravenstone

   **********

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