Re: [UUPoly-L] Story and a question

["David Hall" <airsafe1@comcast.net>]

Blanketz wrote:

But in this current marriage, I just feel like there is much caring and love
I am missing out on, and recognize a growing affection, even crushes on men
and women I know and care about.  But I fight it.  And here is the
challenge. My current husband told me he is open to me exploring polyamory
on my own, as long as he was informed and involved the whole way. That is
all well and good, but I don't want every move I make scrutinized by him.


This part caused me to wonder WHY you feel your current marriage is missing
"much caring and love". What are you doing besides looking outside the
marriage for replacements, if that is what you actually are doing. In your
previous marriage (before the coming out), did you feel the same feelings,
and fight them? Is there still some unresolved injury from finding out that
your ex worked so damn hard to hide who he was so he could fit into society?
You are not responsible for any of that, please do not accept any
responsibility for his decision to hide, and love him for finally deciding
to live his own life. I congratulate you on keeping good contact, and you
were NOT a "blind idiot", he was well practiced at hiding before you met
him.

I am going to a memorial tomorrow for one of my loves, a beautiful woman
who, thru 2 marriages and 2 kids pretended to be male when she knew inside
she was female. She lost everything (wife who she loved, kids, job, church,
money) when she finally made her decision to be who she truly was. After
many years she finally found the woman of her dreams and they were to be
married in June. I wanted to perform the ceremony. She had a heart attack
and died just after Christmas. I am pretty sensitive to this subject right
now. Bless you for letting him go.

As others have said, communication is the key, not about how much you share,
but how honest you are about how you feel and what you are doing. My wife
and I went to a play tonight, and after we talked about how she wanted to
take the leading man home with us, and I wanted to take most of the females
in the cast as well. We like each others' taste in people, and can laugh and
share about it. It might help if you both could learn to comment about
feelings without having to do anything about them.

Thanks for sharing with this list, and Bright Blessings as you work this
out.

Dave