Well, that's close Laura.
I am not doing anything, just avoiding talking with him about it, until
I'm
more ready to bring that back up; reading, trying to come to a better
understanding of how to do this right and keep everything up front. He
only
mentioned it as an acceptable thing to him last October. And we'd talked
about it prior only as an option if both agreed.
So yeah, it seems like I don't want to inform him where my thought process
is. Doesn't it. See how this turned into a struggle for me. Do crushes I
have need to be verbalized, how much do you reveal, especially in 99.9% of
the time people I am attracted to will not be possible partners. I just
need
to work this out with him.
I didn't mean to hope for support for hiding any developing relationship
from him. The thing I failed to say was that I am thankful for the
discussion in this mail list, and recognise that there is a way to get
where
I want to be, in relationships that work for everyone. Having been on the
untold side for so long, I have pledged not to put anyone else in that
position.
Thanks for your help.
On 2/17/07, Laura Stewart <mathlaura@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Am I hearing you correctly that you don't want to inform him of
> everything that's going on, which was his requirement for exploring
> poly, and that is why you are not moving forward?
>
> If this is indeed what you are saying: I do not say this to be
> unsupportive to you, but that is not reasonable. Polyamory comes in
> many forms, but making any of them work requires open communication,
> agreement from all involved parties, and honesty.
>
> -Laura
>
> On 2/17/07, blanketz <honestly.martha@gmail.com> wrote:
> > I just feel compelled to thank everyone on this list for helping me
> reason
> > through some very contradictory feelings associated with life
> experiences I
> > have had.
> >
> > I am not a practicing poly, not a swinger, really a practical
monogamist
> in
> > a legal marriage on my second try. But I want to do things
differently
> this
> > go around. Five years into this marriage, I started feeling not so
> > satisfied with the status quo, not that I didn't feel loved-but I felt
> there
> > was something missing-something else I should be doing.
> >
> > My first marriage ended when he jumped out of the closet (after 17
yrs)
> as
> > gay, pretty much rejecting me wholly as a partner in all ways, and it
> > devastated me sexually and emotionally. I wanted to try to contiunue
> the
> > relationship-even the marriage, but I needed to feel like I was
> wanted. I
> > found through counseling with him that while he wished me well, any
> future
> > physical sexual or metasexual relationship would not be happening from
> his
> > side. He fully intended to live fully in his second 40 years as the
gay
> man
> > he always should have been. Despite the existing proof that he fought
> the
> > valiant fight (through fathering 3 kids with me) he no longer had it
in
> him
> > to care about trying. So now we succesfully co-parent with some
> bitterness
> > on my part, someday I hope to forgive myself for being a blind idiot.
> >
> > But in this current marriage, I just feel like there is much caring
and
> love
> > I am missing out on, and recognize a growing affection, even crushes
on
> men
> > and women I know and care about. But I fight it. And here is the
> > challenge. My current husband told me he is open to me exploring
> polyamory
> > on my own, as long as he was informed and involved the whole way. That
> is
> > all well and good, but I don't want every move I make scrutinized by
> him.
> > I'd like to think I can make some personal explorations without him
> standing
> > outside the door, so to speak. But so far I am not moving forward, as
I
> > seem to be stuck in this spot-knowing that if so moved, I could
without
> > facing recriminations. I almost don't believe him, and worry about
> messing
> > things up.
> >
> > Have any long time practicing polys in this mailing list been where I
> am?
> >
> > Thanks for allowing me to read and learn from you all.
> >
> > I was a member at All Souls UU Shreveport when the whole mess with the
> ex
> > blew up. I fear my week after week of
tearful-to-the-point-of-muteness
> > alientated me from the members. I don't think I articulated the
process
> I
> > was going through very well. I no longer live near enough to attend,
and
> > long for the welcoming embrace of the UU community still.
> >
> > -bb
> > _______________________________________________
> > The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives.
> > Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about
> yourself.
> > UUPoly-L mailing list
> > UUPoly-L@uupa.org
> > http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l
> >
> _______________________________________________
> The UUPoly-L mailing list has public archives.
> Please keep that in mind when deciding how much to reveal about
yourself.
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> UUPoly-L@uupa.org
> http://www.uupa.org/mailman/listinfo/uupoly-l
>
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