Re: [UUPoly-L] [RE] Story and a question

[SC Poly <sc34poly@earthlink.net>]

SoOunds like he is in one of two boats...

Firsts he is insecure and is trying to cotrol you...

Second ( I would like to think) He is in an akward stage and trying to grow with you and thru you.  He needs to know what is going on, so that he understands that he has made the right choice for himself, and you.

I would exzpress what you have in this question to him...and ask him what and why he wants/need to know. It is not like you are trying to hide anything, but it sounds like you both are learning your levels of comfort...

James

-----Original Message-----
>From: Desmond Ravenstone <gentlemonster@lycos.com>
>Sent: Feb 17, 2007 6:18 PM
>To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
>Subject: [UUPoly-L] [RE] Story and a question
>
>   ... here is the challenge. My current husband told me he is open to me
>   exploring polyamory
>
>   on my own, as long as he was informed and involved the whole way. That is
>
>   all well and good, but I don't want every move I make scrutinized by him.
>
>   I'd like to think I can make some personal explorations without him
>   standing
>
>   outside the door, so to speak. But so far I am not moving forward, as I
>
>   seem to be stuck in this spot-knowing that if so moved, I could without
>
>   facing recriminations. I almost don't believe him, and worry about messing
>
>   things up.
>
>   Thanks for sharing your story with us. All relationships, poly or not,
>   need some level of negotiation. In your case, your current husband and you
>   need to establish to what degree he will be "informed and involved" --
>   that means each of you explaining your respective comfort levels and
>   limits, and coming up with a workable middle ground.
>
>   Granted, this sounds easier than it is. It requires a great deal of
>   self-awareness, mutual respect, and good communication. But, if you are
>   seriously considering this, and you are concerned about how he would be
>   involved (and also consider why), then the two of you need to be clear.
>   And consider that, even if after the discussion you decide not to proceed
>   with exploring poly, there is still a good chance that you and he will
>   benefit from such a courageous dialogue.
>
>   Desmond Ravenstone
>
>   **********
>
>   LOOK FOR MY BOOKS ON http://www.lulu.com/gentlemonster
>
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