Re: [UUPoly-L] Story and a question

["David Hall" <airsafe1@comcast.net>]

Dear blanketz:

Rest assured you didn't stir up anything that was not there already. The
celebration of her life was uplifting for those of us who were at the
memorial.

Please let me comment on your additional information. 

His desire for sex as play "somewhat cheapens my whole several months worth
of thought, reading and processing I have done." Many people confuse sex,
love and intimacy, and cannot define any one without using one or both of
the others. Many people use sex to get intimacy, many use love to get sex,
and sex to get love. Many use sex to get touch needs met. We all grow up in
a very confused society where sexual ignorance is government policy, sexual
silence is demanded, shame is used on anyone who is publicly sexual, etc.

Sex is a way to connect deeply with another, AND a fun way to get to know
someone, AND fun in and of itself, AND a way one person controls another,
and..... 

Sex is variously defined as only penetration, only genital focused, or only
for het couples. Is masturbation alone sex? Is kissing someone sex? Just
what is SEX?

Your comment indicates that your view of sexual morality (ie, right and
wrong) is somewhat different than your hubby's. Is he wrong or bad for
having a different set of beliefs? Is a swinger less moral than a poly
lover? [Hell, I just heard a lecture on research into moral development in
teens and the speaker could not, or would not, define morality.]

I love that you are looking at these things and willing to talk about them,
both with hubby and with us. You want more love in your life (a very common
feeling) and he is thinking about more fun sex (a very common thought).
These are not contradictory, just different. He might also want more loving,
you might just want some different kinds of sex play, you both need to talk
more about both subjects.

Have fun in this process.

Dave