Re: [UUPoly-L] Muncie?

["CatDeville" <catdeville@cox.net>]

I had a friend whose minister did that to her as well, and she also let him
get away with it.  I'm sure they count on the fact that the bride is more
likely to want her ceremony to go smoothly and not be embarrassed than they
are to be assertive enough to call them on it.  I doubt very much that it's
an "honest error" most of the time. 

I couldn't believe she didn't call him on it, too.  Like you I would have
stopped right in the middle of the service if someone had done it to me.  

Unlike you I would probably have been so furious I would have been a lot
less tactful.  kudos to you. 

Things like this are why I'm *so* glad I had a UU minister who did gave Alex
and I *precisely* the wedding we requested.  He was very honest and asked
only to reserve "any blessing I may wish to give at the end for myself", and
it was a very beautiful blessing he gave us, too, and honored the spirit of
our commitment to each other.  

Of course it's not just Christian ministers who will do such things.  The
Wicca Priest who handfasted Brian and I eliminated some of the things we had
put in and included other things I would not have included.  In that case I
didn't call him on it because they weren't as incendiary as "love, honor and
*obey*" would have been and he didn't alter the actual vows, but it did
annoy me that he didn't "follow the script."

NT, 
Cat

-----Original Message-----
From: uupoly-l-bounces+catdeville=cox.net@uupa.org
[mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+catdeville=cox.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of Cynthia
Armistead
Sent: Friday, January 05, 2007 11:40 AM
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Muncie?

alan7388@comcast.net wrote:

> Not just one, but TWO couples I know of got married in evangelical
churches where the minister agreed, during plans and rehearsals, to omit the
woman's oath that she will always obey the husband -- and then in the
ceremony, up in front of the crowd, sprang it on them anyway. Apparently
this is standard tactics.

I had one do that to me, as well. We had written our own, very simple 
vows, that didn't contain anything like "obeying," much less any mention 
of monogamy or "to death do us part." The minister started doing the 
traditional vows instead. I stopped him and said, "I think you've 
misremembered." He got quite flustered, then went on with what we'd 
written. If I had been a much younger or less stubborn person, I might 
have been less willing to stand up to him in the middle of the ceremony 
like that, so I'm sure they get away with it most of the time.