[UUPoly-L] On coming out Poly

["Laura Stewart" <mathlaura@gmail.com>]

What Lisa said about coming out poly being more difficult than coming
out homosexual reminded me that this is a topic I've wanted to talk
about.

To me it seems that coming out poly is indeed more difficult that
coming out homosexual or bisexual.  I think this is partially just
because poly is less far up the steep hill of societal acceptance.

I feel that I'm totally over being "out" as a bisexual.  I don't think
I'd have any compunctions talking about "my girlfriend" or "my wife"
at work or anywhere else, other than the fact that I mentioned "my
boyfriend" first.  And I feel very torn between "It's nobody's
business, so I don't need to be out" and "There's nothing wrong with
it, and I don't have to hide it."

I also believe it's because there are a lot of tactics of the nature
of "see, we're really the same!" used when coming out homosexual or
bisexual.

When I first realized that I was not an asexual being, I identified as
a lesbian.  What's something that people spout so often when coming
out homosexual?  "It's not a choice!"

When I later fell in love with a man and realized I was bisexual, I
came out bisexual.  What's an often-touted bisexual coming out line?
"Bisexuals are perfectly capable of being monogamous!"

And I believe both of those things fully.  I believe being homosexual
or bisexual is not a choice, and that bisexuals certainly can be
monogamous.  You know what else I believe?  I believe that those
things don't matter.  If one could choose one's sexual orientation, it
would be perfectly acceptable to choose to be homosexual.  If one
could be a monogamous bisexual, it's perfectly acceptable to be
non-monogamous.

I believe that most people experience some level of jealousy in
relationships and some level of attraction to other people.  I think
being poly is far more of a choice than being homosexual.  (I think
it's less of a choice for some than for others, however.)  I feel that
being poly is 90% a choice for me personally.  And I think that it's
the right choice, and a good choice, and a fine choice.

These are a number of random, unfinished thoughts.  I don't really
have a conclusion.  I just felt like posting and seeing others' ideas.