Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating

["Kelly Cookson" <kc62301@hotmail.com>]

> Everybody assumes the "marriage vows" included vows of monogamy.

You hit the nail on the head. Our culture traditionally teaches that sexual 
monogamy is part of marriage. Our culture traditionally teaches that even 
couples who are not married, if they are "serious," should be sexually 
monogamous. The default assumption in this culture is: marriage means you're 
supposed to be sexually monogamous. That's why everyone assumes marriage 
includes sexual monogamy--regardless of what the vows actually say.

What I hate about the taken-for-granted assumption of sexual monogamy is 
that it keeps people from talking about sexual non-monogamy before marriage. 
People are afraid to ask about open marriage with their partners because 
their partners might dump them. So they keep their desires for open marriage 
a secret and get married. Then, they eventually meet someone with whom they 
want to have extramarital sex. They don't want to bring up open marriage now 
because they have even more to lose than before they were married. So the 
temptation to cheat gets it foot in the door.

I feel it is much better for people to discuss sexual non-monogamy before 
they get married. They may change their minds over the course of the 
marriage, and they may come to disagree about it over the course of their 
marriage, but at least they can talk about it openly.

:-)
Kelly

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