Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating

["K Morgan-Davie" <kmorgandavie@gmail.com>]

Amanda,
Here I think you touch on teh basic response I had, but couldn't quite put
my finger on.  The reality for me is that cheating isn't "fun".  I did it
once, for a variety of very good reasons at the time, and while it was
exciting and all, and perhaps necessary to get me to the much healthier
place I am now (long story there!) I can't look back and say it was "fun".
What is fun now, though it is also hugely difficult and sometimes
frightening, is being open and honest and loving as I attempt to forge a
real loving relationship with the two most important people in my life - to
people who I love and respect and desire sincerely and deeply... perhaps the
most difficult thing I have or will ever do - but it's fun to be doing it
"right" - no deception, no guilt, no sneaking.
Perhaps (and not to blow my own horn, as I'm no model of perfection) it's
simply maturity? To a mature person, it's the work, and the potential of
success , that makes all the trouble of true polyamory worthwhile, and
cheating so unattractive.
Just my $.02!
Blessings - Keith



On 7/3/07, Amanda Birmingham <lists@imladris.com> wrote:
> I have to admit to being kind of mystified by the initial premise (poly
> is not as fun as cheating).  It's been a long time since I was trying
> to be mono, but in those days, when I was tempted to cheat, I found
> that the excitement of, say, a snog with a new person was reliably
> undermined by guilt about betraying a partner's trust and distress
> about what they'd think if they found out.  In *fantasy*, that sort of
> illicitness is exciting, but in my real life, I have just found it to
> be stressful and to make me dislike myself.  Therefore, I'm not sure I
> understand the need for a comeback ("sure it isn't, but .... [fill in
> argument here]") if the initial argument is (for many, at least) simply
> false.
> Amanda
>
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