Re: [UUPoly-L] UU minister blogger's comments on IAs and UUPA

[Anita Wagner <imapolygirl@yahoo.com>]

Stacey, to complicate matters further, I am not actually in favor of same-sex marriage, though I have no desire to stand in the way.  I know attaining that right means a lot to people who have been treated like second class citizens all their lives.  But to me the truth is still undeniable - same-sex, ostensibly monogamous marriage simply perpetuates what is for many too deeply flawed a concept.  I think the only fair solution is for government to get out of the marriage business entirely.  That would permit people to marry and commit according to their spiritual beliefs and their conscience.  It would also leave it up to everyone to put in place the legal instruments that supply the protections and benefits all people should be entitled to.  For more on this concept, check out http://www.beyondmarriage.org
   
  That said, to be clear, I wasn't talking about what we should or should not do regarding poly marriage and same-sex marriage in the larger society.  My frustration today lies specifically with the way we appear to be being treated by the UUA, including in comparison with how it is treating the interests of GLBTs.  Even if waiting our turn within the UUA is the proper way of it, this, if true, is a heck of a way for UUA leadership to treat us - to me it is entirely unacceptable and flies in the face of our UU principles.   It raises suspicions that when it comes to UU polys, respect for our inherent worth and dignity is optional.  
   
  Is it possible that UU leadership is guilty of this kind of hypocricy when under fire?  Is it likely?  I wouldn't have thought so, but how can we know for sure?  And what should we do about it?
   
  Anita

Stacey Greenstein <stacey.nj@gmail.com> wrote:
  Look to the Black and Women's suffrage movements. While the Civil War may
have brought Black suffrage forward sooner than if the war hadn't happened,
the Women's suffrage movement was done separately for nearly identical
reasons as we're seeing with same-sex and poly marriages. I'm right in there
with the "I don't want to wait my turn" sentiment, but I'd rather take the
long view both forwards and backwards in time to see that sometimes waiting
is the answer.

So, either working towards poly rights will impede work on same-sex marriage
or it won't, and same-sex marriage failing to become legal will surely hold
up poly marriage becoming legal. So why quibble about waiting for poly
rights? "We should all have all of the rights we believe are just right
now."? Yes, we should, but "should" is not "is". While the right is obvious
to us, it is not obvious to others. We're talking about significant changes
in general society, not just our own day-to-day livelihoods. We're talking
about changes that will likely take several generations to fully take hold
in acceptance. We're not even 40 years from Stonewall and we're just now
having national discussions about same-sex marriage.

Yes, let's work together with the BGLT groups and do all we can to make
same-sex marriage legal, and help to work out the changes our society will
go through. Whether we ever see the day that poly marriage is legalized or
not, it won't happen without same-sex marriage being fully legal.

Stacey aka Uther


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Practical Polyamory - http://www.practicalpolyamory.com

Blogging on polyamory relationship skills, the polyamory community/movement, polyamory activism, and, even occasionally, on my own lovely poly life, at http://practicalpolyamory.blogspot.com