[UUPoly-L] My response to the blog discussion

[JasmineGld@aol.com]

I responded to the "lively tradition" blog with the post copied here. 
Jasmine 

> And, by restricting the 'moral' argument to these best case  examples, they 
discount all negative experiences elsewhere. The stories about 13  year 
coerced brides in Utah are not relevant in those discussions....<  

On the contrary, the negative experiences are highly relevant. The  limited 
time available in polyamory panel discussions makes it impossible to  cover 
everything, and of course the panelists want to talk about positive  experiences 
first. When and where are we supposed to follow up those panel  discussions 
with all the important issues that couldn't be squeezed into the  allotted time? 
Is this blog an appropriate place? Is another place more  appropriate? 

> The stories about 13 year coerced brides...<  

Forcing polygamists into secrecy by outlawing the practice has invited  far 
worse abuses than would have been otherwise possible. The ethical  polygamist, 
whose family consists solely of informed, consenting adults, is not  safe to 
turn in his or her abusive neighbor who coerces a 13 year old girl and  beats 
her for attempts to escape, because the ethical polygamist is every bit as  
guilty of breaking the anti-polygamy law as the abuser is. I recently read a  
news article in which authorities in Utah admitted this very dynamic, that they  
had unwittingly encouraged the abuses of Warren Jeffs by driving the entire  
community underground, stripping them of the safety net of public visibility 
and  exposure to alternative ideas. 

I recall a story from the editors of  "Loving More Magazine" about a woman 
who was unhappily involved in a three  person relationship without benefit of a 
support community or independent  information of any kind. She was dependent 
on the information given to her by  her male partner. But after she learned 
from "Loving More" about polyamory, poly  ethics, informed consent, and the poly 
community, she realized that she was in  an abusive situation, and she removed 
herself from that situation. 

Poly  relationships aren't all perfect. But they do happen. And they are 
better dealt  with when information, support, and ministry are available to all 
involved. Poly  people ARE coming out in UU congregations. We need to have 
conversations about  how to respond with compassion and respect, how to listen to 
understand, and how  we can all be in right relationship with each other. 

And one last note.  If Jesus were walking along the road past two people -- 
one a respected leader  pronouncing that "polyamory is morally and spiritually 
dangerous, both to its  practitioners and to their children," and the other a 
poly person hiding behind  a tree wondering whether they could safely reach 
out and touch the hem of his  garment, which person would Jesus call to him and 
join for supper?  

Jasmine

posted July 7, 2007 4:28 PM   
 



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