Re: [UUPoly-L] My response to the blog discussion

[Anita Wagner <imapolygirl@yahoo.com>]

Oh Jasmine, this is very powerful.  Excellent work indeed.  My goal is to become experienced and proficient at properly engaging UUs in discussion about polyamory, and I very much appreciate the example you and other UUPA leaders set for the rest of us.    
   
  Best,
  Anita
   
  
JasmineGld@aol.com wrote:
  I responded to the "lively tradition" blog with the post copied here. 
Jasmine 

> And, by restricting the 'moral' argument to these best case examples, they 
discount all negative experiences elsewhere. The stories about 13 year 
coerced brides in Utah are not relevant in those discussions....< 

On the contrary, the negative experiences are highly relevant. The limited 
time available in polyamory panel discussions makes it impossible to cover 
everything, and of course the panelists want to talk about positive experiences 
first. When and where are we supposed to follow up those panel discussions 
with all the important issues that couldn't be squeezed into the allotted time? 
Is this blog an appropriate place? Is another place more appropriate? 

> The stories about 13 year coerced brides...< 

Forcing polygamists into secrecy by outlawing the practice has invited far 
worse abuses than would have been otherwise possible. The ethical polygamist, 
whose family consists solely of informed, consenting adults, is not safe to 
turn in his or her abusive neighbor who coerces a 13 year old girl and beats 
her for attempts to escape, because the ethical polygamist is every bit as 
guilty of breaking the anti-polygamy law as the abuser is. I recently read a 
news article in which authorities in Utah admitted this very dynamic, that they 
had unwittingly encouraged the abuses of Warren Jeffs by driving the entire 
community underground, stripping them of the safety net of public visibility 
and exposure to alternative ideas. 

I recall a story from the editors of "Loving More Magazine" about a woman 
who was unhappily involved in a three person relationship without benefit of a 
support community or independent information of any kind. She was dependent 
on the information given to her by her male partner. But after she learned 
from "Loving More" about polyamory, poly ethics, informed consent, and the poly 
community, she realized that she was in an abusive situation, and she removed 
herself from that situation. 

Poly relationships aren't all perfect. But they do happen. And they are 
better dealt with when information, support, and ministry are available to all 
involved. Poly people ARE coming out in UU congregations. We need to have 
conversations about how to respond with compassion and respect, how to listen to 
understand, and how we can all be in right relationship with each other. 

And one last note. If Jesus were walking along the road past two people -- 
one a respected leader pronouncing that "polyamory is morally and spiritually 
dangerous, both to its practitioners and to their children," and the other a 
poly person hiding behind a tree wondering whether they could safely reach 
out and touch the hem of his garment, which person would Jesus call to him and 
join for supper? 

Jasmine



--------------------------
Practical Polyamory - http://www.practicalpolyamory.com

Blogging on polyamory relationship skills, the polyamory community/movement, polyamory activism, and, even occasionally, on my own lovely poly life, at http://practicalpolyamory.blogspot.com