Re: [UUPoly-L] Bloggers debating re UUA and polyamory and ensuingcomments

["Kelly Cookson" <kc62301@hotmail.com>]

> It is untrue that there is no scientific data at all which can be relied 
> upon in all this.  It's scanty, true, but not non-existant.
> I'll contact Jim Fleckenstein of ITCR tomorrow for the best sources on 
> this.

I've read a lot of studies dealing with open marriage. I haven't look into 
studies of multi-partner marriages except for the Constantine's book "Group 
Marriage," so I won't be much help in that area. But if you want findings 
and references for open marriages...let me know what kind of information you 
need. I may be able to help.

> Hopefully some of our leaders here will get out the talking points and help 
> bring some enlightenment into the debate.  Note that Fausto is using some 
> heavy ammo - allegations that there is no scientific evidence to support 
> the claim that polyamory is *not* indemically fraught with "emotional and 
> spiritual dangers".

Well, we have to be honest about the data. The fact is, many people in open 
marriages do see sexual monogamy as creating a lot of extra relationship 
work, so much that many couples decide to return to sexual monogamy. The 
majority of couples in open marriages report experiencing jealousy...clearly 
a negative experience that can be corrosive to relationships if handled 
poorly. And studies are mixed about open marriages ending in divorce more 
often. Some studies show higher rates of divorce, and other studies show the 
same rates of divorce as sexually monogamous marriages. No studies show open 
marriages lasting longer than sexually monogamous marriages. But it is also 
a fact that many couples in open relationships accept additional 
relationship work and occasional problems as part of the lifestyle. They 
learn to manage the difficulties and the jealousy that arise. They see the 
extra work as a trade-off for the benefits they get out of the open 
relationship. Even when an open couple returns to sexual monogamy, the 
partners often say they still see open relationships as a valid lifestyle 
for others.

It's important we use science to paint realistic pictures, and not choose 
selected findings to paint unrealistically positive pictures. People will 
eventually learn about the less positive findings and feel betrayed by 
unrealistically positive pictures.

Kelly

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