Re: [UUPoly-L] UU ministers, open marriages and poly commitment ceremonies

["Kelly Cookson" <kc62301@hotmail.com>]

> Speaking of what we polyfolk could need help with from our UU ministers
> and community, what is swimming around in my brain is the following 
> question
> - though advocating for legal poly marriage is not part of the UUPA 
> mission, might we not want UU ministers to perform commitment ceremonies 
> for more
> than two?

I think that's a great idea. It would let people see examples of polyamorous 
relationships, instead of having to rely on what some blogger says about 
polyamory. It would let people know poly folks are decent people, and the 
world is not going to end just because you tolerate or accept poly 
relationships.

> Is starting a discussion of whether UU ministers might conduct non-legally
> binding commitment ceremonies for more than two, just as surely many do for 
> same-sex couples, too big a bite to bite off for UUPA at this point?

My understanding is each UU congregation is different. Surely there are some 
more poly-positive congregations out there where discussion could begin. It 
might take awhile for the discussion to make it around to all congregations 
(especially poly-negative ones). But who's in a hurry?

> What about UU ministers performing legal marriages for two poly people
> who have an open relationship?  What if we want our vows to include
> the words "foresaking no others" instead of the traditional "foresaking all 
> others", or some other language that affirms the nature of our commitment?

Again, another good way to lead by example.

> Is it reasonable to ask our ministers to minister to us in this fashion,
> or do we have to keep closeted and pretend to be monogamous?

At the moment, it probably depends on the particular congregation. But in my 
company we use a phrase "low-hanging fruit." When we have a large and 
complex project, we go for the low-hanging fruit (the easy stuff) first, 
then we work on the harder stuff that may take more time. In this case, 
first go for the congregations that are likely to be more receptive and make 
some progress, then work on the congregations that are less receptive and 
make take more time.

Good ideas, Anita!

Kelly

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