[UUPoly-L] A "Friendly" inquiry into polyamory...How might you respond to all or part of this?

[Tara_Affinity <tara_affinity@yahoo.com>]

Dear Folks:

As a "polyQuaker", I'm also on a Quaker Spirituality and Sexuality discussion list, where integration of our spirituality and sexuality is intended to be the theme.  Recently someone published some "queries" perportedly intended to provoke inner searching, but they seem more like opinions disquised with question marks...opinions that lean toward hetero-monogamy.  I offered a little bit about how the "queries" do in some ways, and not in others, speak to non-hetero orientation and ethical non-monogamy/polyamory/polyfidelity.  In response I received the following inquiry, and would like to hear from others as to how they respond to all or part of what in presented by the inquirer.  This would support my activism within the Friends community, toward gaining understanding for polyamorous relationing, as well as maybe supporting some of the campers who are currently "mulling" polyamory for themselves. 

Tara, 
I'm sorry I haven't had time to read through your website, perhaps you cover all of my questions there. I think they may be some the same questions that would arise when bringing polyamory to Meetings "so that they can grow in understanding. " 

I'm curious to read a serious treatment of responsible non-monogamy. I've read the Ethical Slut by Easton and Liszt and a bit on Poly-Fidelity but was dissappointed that they offer no rigorous philosophical or theological examination of how they are applying the term "ethical." The degree of negotiation and rather painful psychological processing described by Easton and Liszt that accompanies each relationship would seem to create enormous scheduling difficulties and a strain on the testimony of simplicity. I am also interested in how polyamorous folks deal with the facts concerning health issues since having multiple partners is a well-documented risk factor for anogenital cancers and all STIs. This creates problems not just in terms of personal health issues but also public health issues which runs into the testimonies on community.

There seems to be very little serious scholarship on the issue. At the last SSSS (Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality) meeting, one of the plenary speakers (from Columbia University) noted that no one wanted to find evidence of successful polyamory more than he, but he was sorry to report that after thirty years of research he was unable to report success. At the same conference there was a report on a San Francisco project regarding men who have sex with men. In this group, it appears that they are able to negotiate the psychological aspects quite well but are failing to report to their primary partners when they do not using safer sex practices with others. This contributes to rising HIV rates in this group.

I don't think anyone could disagree with our fundamental capacity to love more than one deeply. Our spiritual destiny seems to be exactly that--to love all by seeing that we all share that of God. Our sexuality can never truly stand apart from our spirituality because it is all One. Sexual monogamy may feel intensely false at some times but I think there is great value in sitting in the discomfort of limitations, praying for guidance and remaining aware of the body, the heart, the mind and the spirit. 

I don't think it is a coincidence that most religious texts warn against sexual indulgence, because its just too easy to loose awareness and do what the limbic system is programmed to do. I think that it is very useful advice if one's primary goal is spiritual development. That said, sexual openess may aid in one's spiritual path to be liberated from a false self system that imports dogmatic restraints without examining them or having the fortitude to stay present and aware of their sexuality. It may be possible to accomplish all of that within the context of a monogamous relationship or it may not but I think pleasure combined with discernment knows the answer. But having broken through that illusion, don't we move on? I always felt that that was what Osho's experiment in the 80's were all about--to get past sexuality to deeper matters of enlightenment by going through it, not to stay there.

The hardest part of being on this list serv is the conflulence of trying to talk about everything all at once because both sex and God open me up to vast spaces. I hope I've been clear and respectful, that was my intention.

 - D
....

Your thoughts?

Love and Light:  Tara 
(in Lancaster PA)
 
Tara's page - http://360.yahoo.com/tara_affinity - a sacred living, sex-/poly-positive exploration
Meet Up organizer for Lancaster Poly-Tantra - http://tantric.meetup.com/14/ 
Yahoo Group owner/moderator for Lancaster Poly-Tantra - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LAPTN
PolyQuakers co-moderator  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/polyquakers/


       
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