Re: [UUPoly-L] We Need a word.......

["Laura Stewart" <mathlaura@gmail.com>]

My boyfriend uses "sex friend".  I don't see what's wrong with
"friends with benefits" personally.  The vast majority of the time
there would be no reason to use a term other than "friend"; it is not
most people's business whom one is or is not having sex with.  If one
does feel the need to specify to one's audience that one does have sex
with this friend on occasion, "friends with benefits" or "sex friends"
or "friend/lover" seem fine.  If they really want to spell it out they
can say "my friend whom I love very  much and with whom I occasionally
have sex when it is convenient".

If the concern is that "friends with benefits" or "fuckbuddies"
doesn't convey the right amount of interpersonal intimacy, well, just
use a longer phrase as used above.  "Friend" is a flexible word.  It
covers everything from a friendly activity partner to someone who
continues on a regular basis to seriously shape one's life and with
whom one shares a lifelong bond, whether or not one has sex with the
first or the second sort of friend.  Very specific and concise words
for very specific levels of emotional and physical intimacy are
probably going to remain in small circulation.

-Laura

On 6/1/07, Moonstorm Erosong <mnstrm@erosong.net> wrote:
> So, my question would be, what's wrong with some of these terms you mentioned?  Friend with privileges would seem to apply, and if this is a person you care for and have sex with when you're together, what's wrong with calling them a lover?  Or a girlfriend or boyfriend.  I might use any of those terms to describe such a person.
>
> I suspect that what's needed isn't a new term but a more liberal interpretation of the terms we have.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: "Ken Haslam" <haslamk@gmail.com>
> To: "UU Poly" <uupoly-l@uupa.org>
> Sent: 6/1/07 14:12
> Subject: [UUPoly-L] We Need a word.......
>
> This is from a friend looking for a word to describe one of those less
> well defined Poly relationships.   I have "partners" who fit this
> description and do not know how to describe them.  They are closer
> than "friends" because we might or might not have sex but live
> independent lives (often a great distances from me) and I might see
> them once or twice a year.  Yet when I see them I am welcomed into
> their home and into their bed and the relationship just takes up where
> it left off the last time we parted.  Do we have a word that works?
> Here is her question>
>
> "a word or
> phrase that aptly fits a special person you spend time with who is a
> current or past lover, good friend, a person you love, not a "boyfriend"
> or "girlfriend" and who you are not in a "committed" relationship with."
> The writer isn't a fan of "f***buddy" or "friend w/benefits", and
> "lover" doesn't seem to cover it and "sweetie" doesn't quite do it
> either.
>
> Ken Haslam
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