[UUPoly-L] Friends (Quakers), sexuality and polyamory...what would you say to this?

Tara_Affinity <tara_affinity@yahoo.com> · Wed, 06 Jun 2007 14:10:22 -0000

Good Morning Folks:

I'm looking for help on how to respond to something.  I was also going to say "if", but as I got to the end of writing this, I realized "if" was no longer in play.  This is a big - huge - step I'm about to take.  Not only for myself, but for other poly-Friends.  (If I knew who they were, I'd contact them.  This may well draw them "out".)

A while ago, in an attempt to find a venue for stimulating some conversation amoung Friends (Quakers), regarding polyamory, I did a little search.  I found a "Quakers and Sexuality" Yahoo group...a very quiet group.  Today I received the first post since I joined.  It is by a long standing member, posting a link to his personal "position paper" on what "God wants..." of and for us.  It's an interesting  mix of sex-positive/spritual sexuality and essentially monogamous thoughts. Just when I wanted to shut down, I'd read on and find something appealing..and then drift back (to "oh crumb!") again.  From my perspective at this point in my evolution, I feel I need to respond to this.  Before I go on, I want to make clear I am not attempting to hang this guy for his beliefs.  I believe he is offering his own searchings and ponderings very open and surrendered way, and is geniunely looking for honest responses.

Because I still consider myself a Friend (who also embraces a variety of spiritual influences), I have an interest in Meetings (aka Friends' "churchs") taking on loving support of polyamorous relationships, much as it has those of GLBTQs.  I know that among the GLBTQs there are a few polyamorous relationships (generally closeted, or known of but not openly dicussed), and I'm sure if I bring the issue to the fore I may see other hetero polyamorous Friends sift to the surface.  (I suspect a couple in my own Meeting.)  

I'm wondering how an open-minded spiritually grounded person, respectful of others beliefs might respond to his reflections.  I am asking for your thoughts.  I must give you a heads up....his repeated references to "God" and what "God wants", as well as his references to biblical passages (which are mild opportunities, comparitively speaking) and Jesus, are not typical of liberal, unprogrammed Friends.  Typically we might say "...how does The Spirit (however named) guide you/me/us?"  The "however named" is intended as an acknowledgement that not all Friends embrace the biblical concept of "God".  Liberal, unprogrammed Friends in particular have any number of ways of referring and connecting with "The Burning Oneness Binding Everything"...for them personally, as individuals.  We also typically refer to each individuals "Inward Guide", reinforcing the idea that we each have our own "truth" to come to...in our own way, and in our own time...not what some doctrinem, or external
 "God wants".   Additionally, one of the very basic concepts of Quakerism, is the belief in "continuing revelation"...that we each have the ability to have direct and immediate communication with The Divine/The Inward Guide...however named.  We may read the Bible, or other scripture, but it is generally used as inspirational fuel for our own spiritual fire (continuing revelation), not the fire itself.  So if you choose to read and comment on his piece, I ask you to at least attempt to not get snagged on his personal brand of spirituality.  Rather - if you can -  focus on the issue of polyamory and human love as a reflection of S/spiritual love.   In other words...emphasis on polyamory and spirituality....not his spirituality. 

Here is his post -  

**Dear Friends,
I have taken courage and reposted my essay entitled "In the Presence of God & These Our Friends" on my website. I added some introductory thoughts to try and clarify my intentions in writing this. 

The main change is a whole new final section that came to me on a personal retreat I was on in Maine last month on the relationship between monotheism and monogamy. This has been a tough area for me to think about over the years - which was reflected in the completely wishy washy original final section to this paper.

I considered changing all my "propositions" to "queries" through out the paper. I'm sure they would go down easier as such but I decided to leave them as they are because of my original intuition that making statement about where I see these things (provisionally, personally) makes it easier for others to try and discover their own discernment of God's voice in these matters. I am working on rewording these as queries and adding them as an appendix - since it is certainly in the spirit of questions that meetings will need to tackle these questions - if they are willing to at all!

Peggy (& some other Friends) will still not like my theology. I have gotten some nice feedback from rather far-flung places since I wrote this piece. Again: I'm still very interested in your thoughts & responses.
You can find the revised essay back at:
http://www.quakersong.org/sexuality_position_paper/index.php
There is also a link from our Q Spirituality & Sexuality website.
As always,
Peter Blood-Patterson**
*****
The link to his personal "position paper" is - 
http://www.quakersong.org/sexuality_position_paper/index.php

The link to the Quaker  Sexuality Yahoo group is - 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/QuakerSexuality/

I am pondering how, or even if it is the time or the venue to "lift up" polyamory as a lovestyle .  Since he seems to be saying his recent changes to his own (public web site) reflections, are inspired by the monotheism/monogamy issue, I'm feeling its the time to begin saying something.  If you were in my shoes, what would you do....say??  What might a respectful, loving yet honest and clear response look like?

Namaste': Tara 
(in Lancaster PA)

Tara's page - http://360.yahoo.com/tara_affinity - a sacred living, sex-/poly-positive exploration
Meet Up for Lancaster Poly-Tantra - http://tantric.meetup.com/14/ 
Yahoo Group for Lancaster Poly-Tantra - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LAPTN

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