Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating

["David Hall" <airsafe1@comcast.net>]

Jack Morin, in his book "The Erotic Mind" asked people about their most
erotic experience, and one feature of many answers was doing something
risky, illegal, or likely to be exposed to others. So cheating, for some,
gives a thrill that makes the experience more erotic. Of course, one can
find other ways to make sex thrilling beside cheating, like having several
deep love connections that are new in many different ways. 

While cheating is looked down upon by poly folk, sometimes it is the best
way to keep life on an even keel, and is the most ethical way to solve
multiple conflicting goals. I think of "Lucille, don't take your love to
town" type situations. A husband that needs continuing physical care, is not
sufficiently open to handle his wife's need for sexualoveing from someone.
She loves him deeply, does not want to hurt him, is horny as hell and has a
loving friend who also needs to keep his family together. I guess my point
is that while cheating isn't the "best" solution to some problems, it might
be the only one, and we should give some space for others to make choices we
"think" we wouldn't.

Dave

-----Original Message-----
From: uupoly-l-bounces+airsafe1=comcast.net@uupa.org
[mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+airsafe1=comcast.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of Fritz
Neumann
Sent: Sunday, June 24, 2007 8:56 AM
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Subject: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating

Thanks so much for these updates, 'Storm!!!

One thing you relayed rang a bell for me: "Another man with a European
accent seemed to feel that polyamory couldn't possibly be as much fun as
cheating."

I have actually heard this argument frequently of late. And being said
certainly with a serious tone. It comes in other similar forms, like, "Oh,
you're just talking about what people have always done - you're just trying
to sap all the fun and excitement out of it."

I must admit, I really don't have a good, quick, response to this reaction.
I mean, I could get into an extended discussion about honesty in
relationships, how cheating spreads STD risks to unknowing partners, and so
on... but ultimately, those seem long-winded responses that don't address
the central issue of "fun" and how polyamory can drain it.

Because of course there is some truth to it... I feel we polyfolk are simply
aware that the costs of that kind of "fun" are just too high, and that
responsible behavior, while often a more difficult road, is ultimately more
rewarding and better on our conscience.

However, again, even this kind of response starts sapping the "fun" away...

Any suggestions? I'm looking for a SHORT, concise, effective comeback to
this charge.

  >*< Fritz


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