Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating

["David Hall" <airsafe1@comcast.net>]

Didn't Lucille run out as well??? I'm not much of a music guy.
Dave 

-----Original Message-----
From: uupoly-l-bounces+airsafe1=comcast.net@uupa.org
[mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+airsafe1=comcast.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of John
Ullman
Sent: Sunday, June 24, 2007 11:13 AM
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating

I agree in principal, but it's sort of like when is it OK for an older man
to have an affair with a teenager. Sometimes, maybe, depending on who, but
generally not. Also, the song is Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town... :-)

John

David Hall wrote:           (On 10:51 AM 6/24/2007)
>Jack Morin, in his book "The Erotic Mind" asked people about their most 
>erotic experience, and one feature of many answers was doing something 
>risky, illegal, or likely to be exposed to others. So cheating, for 
>some, gives a thrill that makes the experience more erotic. Of course, 
>one can find other ways to make sex thrilling beside cheating, like 
>having several deep love connections that are new in many different ways.
>
>While cheating is looked down upon by poly folk, sometimes it is the 
>best way to keep life on an even keel, and is the most ethical way to 
>solve multiple conflicting goals. I think of "Lucille, don't take your 
>love to town" type situations. A husband that needs continuing physical 
>care, is not sufficiently open to handle his wife's need for sexualoveing
from someone.
>She loves him deeply, does not want to hurt him, is horny as hell and 
>has a loving friend who also needs to keep his family together. I guess 
>my point is that while cheating isn't the "best" solution to some 
>problems, it might be the only one, and we should give some space for 
>others to make choices we "think" we wouldn't.
>
>Dave
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: uupoly-l-bounces+airsafe1=comcast.net@uupa.org
>[mailto:uupoly-l-bounces+airsafe1=comcast.net@uupa.org] On Behalf Of 
>Fritz Neumann
>Sent: Sunday, June 24, 2007 8:56 AM
>To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
>Subject: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating
>
>Thanks so much for these updates, 'Storm!!!
>
>One thing you relayed rang a bell for me: "Another man with a European 
>accent seemed to feel that polyamory couldn't possibly be as much fun 
>as cheating."
>
>I have actually heard this argument frequently of late. And being said 
>certainly with a serious tone. It comes in other similar forms, like, 
>"Oh, you're just talking about what people have always done - you're 
>just trying to sap all the fun and excitement out of it."
>
>I must admit, I really don't have a good, quick, response to this reaction.
>I mean, I could get into an extended discussion about honesty in 
>relationships, how cheating spreads STD risks to unknowing partners, 
>and so on... but ultimately, those seem long-winded responses that 
>don't address the central issue of "fun" and how polyamory can drain it.
>
>Because of course there is some truth to it... I feel we polyfolk are 
>simply aware that the costs of that kind of "fun" are just too high, 
>and that responsible behavior, while often a more difficult road, is 
>ultimately more rewarding and better on our conscience.
>
>However, again, even this kind of response starts sapping the "fun" away...
>
>Any suggestions? I'm looking for a SHORT, concise, effective comeback 
>to this charge.
>
>   >*< Fritz
>
>
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