Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly Not As Fun As Cheating

["Laura Stewart" <mathlaura@gmail.com>]

While some forms of poly (or swinging) are rather like honisty-infused
cheating, other forms of poly are essentially different from cheating.
It's also possible to be poly and a cheater.  Being in a closed
polyfi quad and sleeping with someone else or not telling whom you've
slept with in a poly relationship where the agreement is to tell or
sleeping with someone who was vetoed by your partner(s) in a
relationship where the agreement is that possible partners can be
vetoed, etc. is cheating.

-Laura

On 6/24/07, Fritz Neumann <fritzcat66@yahoo.com> wrote:
> Thanks so much for these updates, 'Storm!!!
>
> One thing you relayed rang a bell for me: "Another man with a European accent
> seemed to feel that polyamory couldn't possibly be as much fun as cheating."
>
> I have actually heard this argument frequently of late. And being said
> certainly with a serious tone. It comes in other similar forms, like, "Oh,
> you're just talking about what people have always done - you're just trying to
> sap all the fun and excitement out of it."
>
> I must admit, I really don't have a good, quick, response to this reaction. I
> mean, I could get into an extended discussion about honesty in relationships,
> how cheating spreads STD risks to unknowing partners, and so on... but
> ultimately, those seem long-winded responses that don't address the central
> issue of "fun" and how polyamory can drain it.
>
> Because of course there is some truth to it... I feel we polyfolk are simply
> aware that the costs of that kind of "fun" are just too high, and that
> responsible behavior, while often a more difficult road, is ultimately more
> rewarding and better on our conscience.
>
> However, again, even this kind of response starts sapping the "fun" away...
>
> Any suggestions? I'm looking for a SHORT, concise, effective comeback to this
> charge.
>
>   >*< Fritz
>
>
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