Re: [UUPoly-L] cheating other angle

["Brigitte Fires" <brigittefires@gmail.com>]

Here's the way I see things:

As a monogamous person, I could date as casually or as seriously as I
desired, without anyone questioning my monogamy.

If I went on a date with someone, even if it lead to sex, and things didn't
click enough to continue,
then so be it. If I was not dating someone and decided to have sex with a
friend to take the edge off those carnal urges, then so be it. If I started
dating someone seriously--monogamously--then the previous casual encounters
in no way changed the fact that I am now in a monogamous relationship.


So why, oh why, does it matter whether we call it swinging or open marriage
or polyamory? As a polyamorous person, I am always on the search for new
partners. Some of them are determined sooner than others whether they will
bloom into more committed relationships, but the casual encounters still
exist.

Fact is, some people don't do casual sex--and that has no bearing on what
relationship lifestyle they lead, be it monogamy or some version involving
multiple partners. And some people view sex more casually than others,
outside of relationship boundaries. How you term the relationship style
doesn't have anything to do with your views on casual sex.


Now, as people who participate in multiple partner relationship styles, we
sit here arguing over what to call it--who cares???? Monogamists who
participate in casual encounters are not considered any less monogamous by
those casual encounters outside of their relationships--the only difference
is that they have them when they are not also in committed relationships.
Just as my current "status" (single, dating and looking, engaged and
looking, married and looking, etc.) doesn't have any bearing on me being
polyamorous, neither does my dating style.


So now everyone will probably moan about how I'm not calling myself the
right thing because polyamory means multiple LOVES and I don't love everyone
I go on a date or have sex with.... WHO CARES?

I call myself a polyamorist, and you can disagree with that label all you
want, but since there is no legal definition separating me from all the
others out there, and all the generally agreed upon definitions fit my
lifestyle, I'll call myself that if I wish. And if I want to say that I live
a Purple Striped Heffalump relationship lifestyle then you will just have to
accept that that's the lifestyle that speaks to me and what I identify with.


Brigitte