Re: [UUPoly-L] cheating other angle

["Kelly Cookson" <kc62301@hotmail.com>]

> To me, the difference between poly and open is this:  open relationships 
> are usually emotional connections between the couple, and sexual 
> relationships with others with minimal emotion or permanancy.  Poly is 
> multiple marriage type partners, with emotional intertwinings and usually 
> sexual intertwinings as well.

Interesting perspective. If I understand correctly, then open applies to 
socially monogamous relationships, while poly applies to multi-partner 
relationships.

I agree socially monogamous couples tend to view extramarital partners as 
secondaries. The socially monogamous couple usually does put their own 
relationship ahead of their relationships with secondaries.

I also agree secondary relationships tend not to last as long as the 
socially monogamous relationship. However, while this is a strong trend, it 
is not absolute. My spouse and I have a mutual lover who has been a good 
friend the entire 23 years of our marriage. He was a member of our wedding 
party. In fact, my spouse was a close friend with him before she met me. We 
also have another mutual lover whom we've known for about 10 years. Shorter 
duration of secondary relationships is true most of the time, but occasional 
exceptions occur.

I disagree soemwhat about minimal emotional involvement in open marriage 
depends. Socially monogamous couples who seek minimal emotional involvement 
and no attachments are usually labeled swingers. But there are definitely 
socially monogamous couples who seek emotional involvement and attachment 
with their extramarital or extra-couple partners. My spouse always wants 
some level of emotional involvement and friendship with her extramarital 
lovers.  She and I have both felt strongly in love with some of our 
extramarital partners. Couples in open marriages vary greatly in the amount 
of emotional involvement and attachment they do--or don't--want.

Kelly

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