[UUPoly-L] Role of consent in BDSM (was: Report from PNWD AGM)

["Desmond Ravenstone" <gentlemonster@lycos.com>]

   Explain to me WHY other than "the kinky community thinks this is the

   right way to do a relationship" (which is Appeal to Authority) or "it

   shouldn't be public" (which is Begging the Question) a relationship

   which is BDSM in nature and whose participants wish it to be public in

   nature should not in fact be public in nature, or why someone who

   witnesses the public nature of said relationship should be right in

   saying that it should not be public or should be kept out of church

   (or kept out of whatever other social setting).

   Consent is essential to BDSM (as with other ways of expressing sexuality,
   eroticism and/or romantic love) as part of a general principle of doing no
   harm (at least, in BDSM, no unwanted or unintentional harm, psychological
   as well as physical).

   When people attend a BDSM event, there is a reasonable expectation that
   they will witness activity and behavior which may be shocking, even
   extreme. Seeing such behavior outside of such a context, and thus without
   such a reasonable expectation, means that the shock value has a greater
   chance of leading to psychological harm -- not the same as the kind of
   trauma leading to PTSD, but harm nevertheless.

   A parallel would be when it is appropriate to tackle someone to the
   ground:
   (a) In a football game, such behavior is expected, and the associated risk
   of harm accepted.
   (b) In another social situation, where such behavior is NOT expected, and
   the associated risk of harm not accepted, it is not appropriate.
   (c) If someone behaves in a dangerous way, and tackling that person to the
   ground is the best available option to minimize the risk of harm, then it
   is acceptable.

   Now it could be argued that a same-sex couple kissing in front of
   unconsenting witnesses could also be labeled as "inappropriate" becuase of
   its relative "shock value" -- except for one thing. The context in which
   kissing would be considered "shocking" is much more narrow than for other
   forms of erotic/romantic expression. One could also argue that certain
   forms of expressing affection -- kissing, hugging, etc. -- are healthy
   both to engage in and to witness in community settings. Where we "draw the
   line" is often determined by the community in question. It also raises the
   question of how our community, be it a UU congregation or a subcultural
   group such as BDSM or poly, make that determination: by unspoken fiat, or
   by open and respectful discussion.

   Desmond Ravenstone

   ********************

   http://www.lulu.com/gentlemonster
   http://www.myspace.com/desmond_ravenstone

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