Persinally, I hate the idea of tolerance. More to the
point, I hate the term. It sounds like I'm being
tolerated, or put up with. It is what Desmond
Ravenstone earlier refered to as "the "middle ground"
of not-so-benign neglect -- changing the subject and
ignoring or avoiding the issue." This is tolerance,
the don't ask, don't tell mentality. You can do what
you want, just don't make me have to see it. Among
the many problems with it, it's just dishonest; it's
self-deception. I'd rather be honestly told off, I
can deal with that. The passive tolerance is much
worse.
I think is has something to do with the tradition of
liberalism in the 20th century. I've seen it time and
again, and not just in regards to poly, or GBLT or
whatever. It's the "I know lots of blacks, but I
wouldn't want my daughter to date one" mentality.It's
what happens when people who really want to believe
they are liberal and open-minded finally reach the end
of what they can accept. After that you can run into
white-knuckle tolerance. They won't say a bad word
about it, because that woiuldn't be very
liberal-minded of them, so they just ignore it. It's
like the old line 'my mother must be Cleopatra,
because she's the Queen of Denial'.
So, just my point on language, I prefer acceptance, or
open rejection. I can deal with either of those just
fine. It's being tolerated I dislike.
Of course, I'm getting ready to put my neck out there
big time. I am leading an adult forum at my church at
the end of April on polyamory. The guy that is one of
the main organizers of the forums is pretty excited
about the topic. I just got an email from him asking
for a write up on the talk and on my background
suitable for sending into the papers. He also wants a
digital photo (as luck would have it I just had
portraits done of our family, including a solo of
myself, and we have digital copies). So, I get to
decide just how out of the closet I'm going to get.
My family isn't too local, so they may not get the
papers i'll be in, but my wife's family is, and so are
the people they know. People I work with may even
read it.
I gotta admit, I have done pretty well with acceptance
from our UU church so far, but I've been pretty
selective about who I've talked to about it. Now, the
forum leader is asking me to come out to the general
public. It's a bit scary. But I think I'm going to
do it. What the hell, some things are worth the risk.
We'll never get acceptance unless we take that risk
and live openly.
Pat
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