Re: [UUPoly-L] Acceptance, tolerance and liberalism

Cynthia Armistead <cyn@technomom.com> · Fri, 02 Mar 2007 17:42:10 -0000

Ally wrote:

Thank you for putting in to words a concept that I have struggled to name.
In fact I'm not sure you have quite named it but it's far closer than what I
have...

I wrote something on this list a few years back that someone asked for 
permission to use in something official, about the difference between 
tolerance, acceptance, and affirmation. I'll try to dig it up, but I'm 
hoping whoever asked for permission to use it has it handier than I do. 
I searched the archives but they only go back to 2005, and this was 
before then. My older mail is archived, too.
I get the feeling sometimes at our UU church that they are thrilled to have
us there because they think we are lesbians, and it adds to their diversity
quotient.  In reality we are poly, but our husband is far more interested in
a morning alone without the children than in coming to church, so it's
always just the five of us.  I'm not sure how they will react to that added
bit of diversity, but in any case it's not my point.
My point is that while I'm glad to be welcomed, it feels somewhat as though
we are welcomed more for what we are than for who we are.  Does this make
any sense?

Absolutely. When we lived with my (now former) female partner, she and I 
were very welcome in places like UU congregations as long as people just 
saw the two of us and assumed that we were a lesbian couple. When they 
found out that Sam was also my partner, they knocked off-kilter and 
usually far less welcoming. Goddess forbid that they find out how many 
men she dated! (Women too, but at they time they were all parts of 
couples she was seeing.)
Namaste,
Cyn
--

--

cyn@technomom.com

http://www.technomom.com/ - main site

http://www.fibrantliving.com/ - podcast

http://technomom.livejournal.com/ - LJ

http://cynthiaarmistead.com/ - professional portfolio

http://academycaritas.org/ - homeschooling blog

"The only place you will be accepted is the place you make for 
yourself." Holly Lisle, Fire In The Mist, 1992