Re: [UUPoly-L] Coming out as Poly at work: Need Feedback.

[JasmineGld@aol.com]

Rod has come out to some co-workers when he felt safe to do so. He has  
stayed deep in the closet to other coworkers who didn't feel so safe. How safe  do 
you feel with the person you told? With the people who overheard the first  
conversation? 

_paola.suarezpapp@gmail.com_ (mailto:paola.suarezpapp@gmail.com)   writes:
> Thinking that this coworker had figured me out I wrote him 
> an email explaining to him that Alex and I are poly.
 
Did you or your coworker use a company computer or company email account to  
send or receive? 
 
I have cautioned Rod NEVER to use the company computer or his company email  
account to discuss anything personal, especially if it is poly related, or 
even  to read listmail. Any email you send or receive using a company account or  
company computer is almost certainly in a database somewhere where the  
management can access it. Even if the sender or recipient deleted their copy. 
 
There's also the risk that the recipient could forward your email to other  
people or pull it out at a later date. Once you put it in email, you lose  
control of where your words go and when they'll turn up. 
 
So my first and most urgent suggestion is to take all follow-up  conversation 
offline. 
 
Second, it's a big plus that you are out to your minister. If any coworkers  
express concern, you can truthfully tell them that your minister knows about  
your family and that you can go to that minister in case of any problems. That 
 gives them the opportunity to quit worrying about you, because a 
professional is  available to do that for them. 
 
If you want to come out further at work, maybe you could talk first with a  
trusted supervisor and get their opinion on how it will be accepted. Then you  
could just do the normal things any other employee might do -- put a picture 
on  your desk of you, your husband, and another partner all together. Mention 
the  other partner when it comes up naturally. Bring them both with you to a 
company  party. 
 
As for church, would you be willing to discuss with your minister  your 
discomfort about being in the closet? 
I suggest moving slowly. Talk to  leadership, let them know why you need to 
come out at church. Offer a class  or discussion group or Q&A just for 
leadership. It's important to have  leadership on board before stirring things up in 
the congregation. 
 
Once they are on board, maybe you could offer to lead a class on Coming Out  
for Adult RE, and come out poly during the class. Or even an Adult RE class on 
 polyamory. Or maybe the minister would lead a service on Coming Out on the  
Sunday before or after Coming Out Day (Oct 11), with your participation in the 
 service. Depending on what you and the minister agree to, you might come out 
to  the congregation during the service or at an after-service discussion 
group. 
_http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Coming_Out_Day_ 
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Coming_Out_Day) 
 
Or you could arrange a special event celebrating Coming Out Day on Oct 11. 
 
A nice touch, if you are willing, is to invite anyone with an interest or  
questions or concerns to contact you for further discussion, whether it's a  
class, a service, or a special event. You might have others come out poly to you  
once you break the ice. 

Whatever you do about church, please do talk with the minister first and  
then with leadership. And give them time to get used to the idea of talking  
about polyamory. 
 
Jasmine 
 
 
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