Re: [UUPoly-L] Coming out as Poly at work: Need Feedback.

Les,

Thank you for responding and sharing your experience. I also posted about
this in my personal Live Journal and a response I got from my best friend
that has HR experience is that being poly is not like being gay in the sense
that it's not a protected class. She said tha technically my company could
fire me for that even though she doesn't think they will.

She also advised me to just talk about everyone as my friends and that I
probably outed myself to that coworker because I felt I should.

I don't know how I feel about calling everyone my friends. Yes in theories
even people I date are my friends first but it still feels dishonest. And
why can I talk about my husband with no problems but have to talk about
everyone else as my friends? Others can talk about boyfriends and I can't?
Other can talk about girlfriends and I can't?

I understand ther'es a level of discretion to be used at work but I feel
there's a double standard towards hetero "normal" relationships being able
to be talked about.

I mean if all of us poly folk keep talking about our SOs or people we see as
friends then how will we ever be accepted? No one will know we exist.

I just feel very frustated about all this and especially so after my
friend's response.

Thanks,
Paola

On 3/3/07, uupoly-l-request@uupa.org <uupoly-l-request@uupa.org> wrote: 


Message: 7
Date: Sat, 3 Mar 2007 08:25:26 -0800
From: "Les Addison" <les.addison@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [UUPoly-L] Coming out as Poly at work: Need Feedback.
To: uupoly-l@uupa.org
Message-ID:
        <284cb470703030825sd9ae617nf4d7259a824b4e37@mail.gmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed

I'm out at work.  When I was in two serious relationships, I alternated
between "me and Joanne" and "me and Jay" photos as my wallpaper, on about
a
weekly basis.

I've not had any "sit you down and tell you I'm poly" conversations.  But
the coworkers who I am closest to all know as I talk about my dating life,
or needing to leave work to pick up my boyfriend's son from school because
his wife got stuck in traffic over an hour away.  I started this job when
I
moved to be closer to my boyfriend, and in the first week, when one of the
people I work for asked if I were living with him (or planned to soon), I
said 'no.  Its a little complicated.  And our relationship is a bit less
traditional.  He lives with his wife and three children in an 1100 SF
house.  I can't imagine living there with them."  The coworker/sorta
supervisor then asked if I'm "what-do-you-call-it?  poly?"  I think we
also
dicussed the housing prices in the Bay Area (e.g., buying something bigger
so I could live there would be quite a challenge).

I have met my boyfriend's grandboss.  Had coffee with him on my own, and
have a monthly lunch with him, my boyfriend, and a friend of ours/coworker
of theirs (Sarah).  Grandboss knows that we're poly, knows Jay and I are
dating, knows that Sarah has a cohabitting romantic relationship with a
man
and a woman, and knows that I used to date that woman's other boyfriend.

I'm dating a woman who has been to my office multiple times, and gone to
an
office party with me.  She's comfy mentioning her husband, too.

I had to miss this year's Big Office Shindig.  Anyone who asked about my
attendance learned that I'd be unable to attend since it was also my
boyfriend's girlfriend's birthday party, and of course it was really
important to me to be there.

(I work in a Silicon Valley law firm.  My boyfriend works for NASA).

I've not experienced any negative repercussions from being out at
work.  The
extent to which there is any curiousity/odd response, its actually more
about me dating men (I'm often perceived to be a lesbian) than that I'm in
multiple relationships.

Les




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