Re: [UUPoly-L] Coming out as Poly at work: Need Feedback.

[Kathleen Reedy <icescience@yahoo.com>]

I didn't 'come out' at work, but answered questions casually and truthfully; i.e.who did you go to the concert/play/event/travel with?'  The joking query became 'So who was it last night?'.   I suffered severe, ungrounded, unfocused general harassment, in a government agency.  When I left for another assignment in the government, 3 friends said clearly, "it is your lifestyle", "keep your mouth shut about your social life at the new job".  I do think it depends on the type of people, and how interested they are in getting the work done, or gossiping, criticizing, judging others.
  Kathleen

Amanda Birmingham <lists@imladris.com> wrote:
  Hi,
I live in a liberal area and work at a pretty academic company, and 
thus feel safe being out at work. I started by putting up a picture of 
my family in my cubicle, since everyone else seemed to do that; in my 
case, the picture was of partner 1, partner 2, and our dog. If anyone 
asks (which by now, after 3 years there, few need to) I reply that I've 
been with partner 1 twelve years, partner 2 eight years, and that 
everyone knows about everyone else. The usual response is to say "oh, 
ok" and let the matter drop ... I think they don't always approve (or 
even understand) but as good liberals aren't in the habit of condemning 
anything described as a family, so they pretty much accept by default 
since I present this as a matter-of-fact, stable, "done deal". (I 
suspect I might hear more push-back from them if I were poly in a way 
which involved more casual or shorter relationships). The great thing 
about being out in this environment is that, since everyone knows and 
no one has complained about it yet, then every new person who learns 
looks around, sees that everyone else is just treating this as a normal 
situation, and, by the principle of social proof, assumes that it must 
be a normal situation--acceptance (or at least tolerance :) becomes 
self-perpetuating.

All that said, I'm keenly aware of how lucky I am. I came out because 
I judged the likelihood of negative repercussions to be low, and being 
out feels better than being closeted. If I worked somewhere where I 
thought I might lose my job, be passed over for promotion, etc because 
of coming out poly, I certainly wouldn't have jeopardized my ability to 
pay the rent by doing so. I would have the same concerns about being 
out as bi (sexual orientation isn't a protected category everywhere, 
either). I wish anyone who is thinking about coming out at work good 
luck in judging what repercussions, if any, are likely given their 
company/area.

Amanda

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