[UUPoly-L] Wall building-how does one notice this occuring?

[James Stallcup <james_stallcup@yahoo.com>]

   This is one of my favorite topics of conversation!
   
  I too have an automatic "wall builder" and have been in pursuit of the skills and ability's to notice this mechanism.  I suspect this will be a life long journey as I peel away more and more layers veneered over my authentic self. 
   
  Reading books about spirituality, taking part in seminars, practicing marshal arts, meditating and talking with friends who are on a similar journey all seem to impact my tendency to build walls.  
   
  Taking part in dialogue with people that are committed and sympathetic
  listeners and that are willing to surrender their "wall builder", ego or thinker is the method I would like to point to.  
   
  The process of entrainment, energy or levels of consciousness matching up, has been a boon to me over the years.  Quite often, I'll get stuck about something in a relationship and will call or meet with a sympathetic listener.  This circle of friends is a sacred, rich, beautiful resource for me.  These friends are invaluable as I work through challenges with my tendency to "build walls" and bring myself back to a balanced place.  
   
  A vital part of this growth process for me personally is to consciously surrender to the coaching that friends and family are sharing with me.  I'm stubborn and the coaching will make no difference unless I surrender first.
   
  James Stallcup
  Stallcup Life Coaching
   
  
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Today's Topics:

1. Walls (Christine Heinsohn)
From: "Christine Heinsohn" <kb4wyr@fhrd.net>
Subject: [UUPoly-L] Walls
Date: Thu, 8 Mar 2007 12:26:28 -0600
To: <KanPoly@yahoogroups.com>,
<OKPoly-acceptsub-_58lx1UII7jYz46ryVU2lwQ@yahoogroups.com>,
<uupoly-l@uupa.org>, <WNYPoly@yahoogroups.com>, <mwpoly@yahoogroups.com>

One the ideas I have held as an ideal to strive for in my long term
partnership with my life partner David, is transparency between us. I want
us to know each other so well that it's almost as if we can read each
other's minds. I want us to behave in a manner that we nurture closer and
closer ties and bonds versus repelling each other. This transparency would
not require either of us to give up self but rather it would require us to
be so comfortable and in tune with self that the revealing of all we are to
the other creates no shame but demonstrates profound trust. 

That's what I see as the potential for our relationship but we have a ways
to go.

When I build a wall to protect myself from hurt in our relationship, it
almost immediately results in a wall being built by David. I see the new
wall, and I build a strong more defensible wall. David sees the stronger
construction and reinforces his wall..the cycle continues..until one of us
calls a halt to the building process and says something to the effect of "Is
this really the way we want to live?" and we examine and the walls come
down. 

My description makes the wall building seem so intentional and conscious, it
isn't. It's almost an autonomic response. I want very much to more aware
of the walls I construct between him and me. I want to be much more aware
when he is building a wall as now, I almost take his walls as a given,
especially around other relationships.

Walls in a relationship restrict energy flow, prohibit the expressions of
joy, and deter connection between beings. With David, I don't want that to
happen.

So, what is your experience with wall building? How do you detect the
purpose of walls you find in your relationships with others? How do you
deal with walls?

Christine Heinsohn
Cooking Blog: http://momshearth.livejournal.com/


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