Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly definition

[<catdeville@cox.net>]

<<I feel like it's asking if you aren't currently dating someone of the 
same gender are you still gay/ lesbian?  >>

You've hit it on the head right there.  *Being* poly is an identification, just as being gay/lesbian/bisexual is.  It's the *potential*or leaning towards a specific orientation or lifestyle.  One's identification/orientation doesn't change simply because one is in or out of relationship.

"Being" poly (as an identification) is a relationship orientation.  One may also be *in* a poly relationship - or not.  Polyfolk go through periods where they are in or out of relationship, or where they happen to be in relationship with on person oly just as anyone else, the difference is that they are not *limited* be being in only one relationship should another relationship present itself *unless* that's negotiated with their current partner.  In  such a case, one  or both partners may still identify as poly (normally be open to multiple relationships) but have some reason why they are not in relationship with more than one person (one partner may be monogamous, the relationship may need focus or healing, they may be polyfidelitious and no potential partners who are acceptable to both partners may be currently available, etc.) 

So, yes, one can identify as polyamorous (open to loving more than one honestly) and be in a different relationship for many reasons.  I've been poly since I was 16 - well before I had a word for it.  I've also been unpartnered (and not particularly looking) for several years now.  It doesn't change my relationship orientation, anymore than it changed my sexual orientation when I was married to two men and had no female partners in my life. 

NT,
Cat