Re: [UUPoly-L] Poly reality

[Amanda Birmingham <lists@imladris.com>]

I'm really confused by this argument that if 12-13 yr olds can legally 
get married monogamously, then one has no grounds to object to Mormon 
polygyny ...

> Now, since  our laws in many states allow "under age" juveniles to 
> marry "with consent of parents", then how can anyone throwup and get 
> sick over the fact that 12-13 yr old women get married legally in some 
> Mormon circles?   They do the same under monogamy.  Wasn't the Blessed 
> Virgin who mothered Jesus, also about age 13?  Throwup then!! (lol)

This seems to me to be arguing that because monogamous marriages can be 
dodgy/inappropriate/abusive, and because our legal system has not 
everywhere come around to preventing that, then it is ok for polygynous 
marriages to be so too.  Huh?  I *do* think it is inappropriate in our 
current western culture (where we aren't trained to be grown-ups by the 
time we're 13) to have 12-13 yr old "women"--I'd say girls--getting 
married in Mormon circles.  I *also* think it is inappropriate to have 
12-13 yr old boys or girls getting married *monogamously*, "parental 
consent" or no.  I don't believe in the "blessed virgin", and don't 
think Mary as mother of Jesus necessarily even existed, so using her as 
a counter-example doesn't work for me ... but even if we granted that, 
there's a big cultural divide as I alluded to above--in other places 
and other times, we were trained for functional maturity at different 
ages, so it isn't a valid apples-to-apples comparison.

In my opinion, there must be absolute boundaries on religious freedom 
around consent: you can't force someone to be your spouse just because 
your religion says you can.  The government in this place and time 
defines who is even capable of consent, and it isn't always easy to do. 
 That said, if consent is clear, in my eyes you can do what you 
want--cede all your decision-making power to your husband, enter into a 
24/7 BDSM slave relationship, etc.  I still don't have to approve--just 
not interfere.

I'm not at all sure that Mormon polygyny has yet passed that 
all-important consent barrier, and until it does, I won't be marching 
under the Mormon polygyny legalization banner or treating Mormon 
polygyny as part of the current polyamory movement.  If and when it 
does show full reliance on consent, I'll fight for their right to live 
their way--but I still won't be inviting them to my parties :)

Amanda