Re: [UUPoly-L] My husband is dumping me.

["Naomi Fine" <naomi@premofine.com>]

Wow.  I rarely post, but this one moves me to put my two cents in.  
No solutions, just...

I really feel for you.  My sympathies on this confusing, icky turn.  
I hope you and your husband can talk really honestly together and 
sort this out for the best outcome - AFOG (Another F.. Opportunity 
for Growth), hopefully.

On 10 Nov 2007 at 10:56, Penna MacDonald wrote:

> I'm guessing his true nature is to
> be monogamous, and seeing how it feels to have another
> relationship to him means that there's no way I could
> still love him, too.  

This sounds like a good guess, perceptive of you, I'm agreeing too, 
I'll bet it's *part* of his picture.

> Plus I think his girlfriend is pressuring
> him to get out of our relationship (I know she says
> she wants a monogamous relationship even though she's
> sneaking around to have a relationship with my
> husband).  

Now THIS is one BIG Red Flag.  Any time a secondary really wants to 
be monogomous is a red flag to start with; my husband and I pretty 
much rule these people out.  Even worse, that she's cheating in order 
to have the r'ship with him.

> He says he's not leaving me to be with her,
> but I have my doubts.  It is so complicated.

It doesn't sound so complicated to me.  See above.  It sounds like he 
found someone to be monogomous with (though someone who has been 
known to cheat--with him--doesn't seem the best bet, to me), and is 
going for it.  I'm not denying that your situation as a whole is 
complicated, i'm sure it is, as most situations are multi-faceted.  
It's just that this one aspect, like I said seems awfully clear.  I'm 
sorry he got involved with the girl with the red flags.  I hope he 
comes to his senses.  

I'm sorry this is so hard.

Sincerely,
  - Naomi


"Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so 
complicated?"
    From Zen Judaism: For You, a Little Enlightenment 
    by David M. Bader